grandvizier527's Amazing Race
by grandvizier527
Summary: Although this is labeled as a Homestuck/Mario crossover, there are a whole lot more characters than that. 11 teams of 2 race in all sorts of fictional universes to compete for 1 million dollars, just like in the show! Other teams are from the following universes: SpongeBob, Looney Tunes, MST3K, Regular Show, Invader Zim, Sonic, Pinky and the Brain, and Pokémon. Who will win?
1. Get off me, you bloaty pizza hog!

_It is a lovely afternoon in Spooner, Wisconsin. A very epic, heart-wrenching, and very frustrating race is about to begin. 11 teams of 2 will arrive, one by one, at the starting line, where William Fontaine De La Deautrive (Bill) will tell them the rules that they already know._

1. Spongebob Squarepants and Squidward Tentacles (Neighbors)

_"Bahahahaha! This is going to be great, Squidward! Just you and me, racin' around the world...s, feeling the adrenaline running through our veins, and clogging our arteries with a steady supply of some Krabby Patties!" Spongebob said in his confessional._

_"Spongebob, when I said to you 'Why sure, pal, I'd __**love**__ to go racing with you on some game show I've never even watched and embarrass myself on national television', I was being sarcastic!" Squidward cried._

_"What's that mean?" Spongebob asked. "Is that when you feel cranky after eating too many undercooked coral bits? Because if it is, I can fix that!"_

_Squidward sighed._

2. Pinky and the Brain (lab mice)

_"Oh, Brain, this is going to be so much fun! Narf!" Pinky squealed in his confessional._

_"Pinky, we're not here to have fun. We're here to fund our next scheme at taking over the world! Or at least any of the other worlds we end up visiting," Brain reminded him._

_"Oh, sorry, forgot about that. But I bet it'll be real fun to be able to visit all sorts of neat places! Poit!'_

_"Yes, Pinky, it may be fun for you, but I'm not losing sight of our goal."_

3. Zim and Gir (Normal Human and Dog)

_"I, uh, am a normal human meat child, attempting to win this race so that I may find a particularly vulnerable planet for the Irken Empire to invade-I mean, eh, make myself a new home..." Zim added this last phrase as sweetly as possible, making sure that his fake eyes were stuck on. Gir, in his puppy suit, waved at the camera._

_"HI MOMMY! HI DADDY!" the robot cried._

_"Gir! You are a machine! You have no parents! I am your master!" Zim yelled, forgetting that he was on camera. Although Zim would deny it many times, everyone knew who he really was._

4. Mario and Luigi (brothers)

_"I a-figured this race wouldn't be a-so bad," Mario said in his confessional. "It could give me a chance to really a-bond with Luigi."_

_"Yeah, and a-maybe I can prove to Mario that I'm not always a coward and a-second banana!" Luigi added._

5. Mordecai and Rigby (friends)

_"Yeah, not gonna lie man, this race seems awesome and all, but we really just need the money cause' we got fired from our jobs, thanks to Rigby here," Mordecai said in his confessional._

_"Hey, that concert was worth it, and you know it!" Rigby protested._

_"Yeah, but I didn't brag about it to Muscleman and High-Five Ghost!" Mordecai pointed out._

_"Will you drop it? Once Benson sees us on TV, he'll hire us back for sure! He'll be famous for having hired two guys that were famous!"_

_"Don't we have to win to be famous?" Mordecai asked._

_"Exactly!" Rigby reassured._

6. Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff (lylonk fraends)

_"this is AWSUM, BRO!" Hella Jeff cried. "if we WIN THIS FTW, well hav enuff moo-la for tons of MAD SNACKS, YO!"_

_"dude, you made the wrong reff, you dumb homo tool!" Sweet Bro reprimanded. "Your doing it wrong!"_

_"Don Tell me who to Do!" Hella Jeff screamed._

7. Robotnik and Scratch (Villain and Minion)

_"I, the suprrrreme Dr. Ivo Robotnik, will win this race at any cost! No one can stop me! NO ONE!" he cried._

_"Uh, your Gloriousness, what if somebody tries to yield us, and we lose?" Scratch asked._

_"WHAT?! Prrrreposterous! Inconceivable!" Robotnik cried._

8. Vriska and Tavros (Alternian Trolls)

_"This race will 8e pretty fun, I think! That is, if Tavros will cooperate and help me win!" Vriska said smugly._

_"i WILL, UH, DO MY BEST, BUT IF WE LOSE, PLEASE DON'T, BLAME ME, FOR EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS," Tavros replied nervously._

_"If you don't screw up, then I won't have to!" Vriska said matter-of-factly._

9. Elmer Fudd and Yosemite Sam (co-workers)

_"Now ah know they said no guns on this here race, but if somebody pulls off some dastardly trick-oooooh, I'd hates that!" Sam said angrily._

_"Don't wowwy," Elmer reassured him. "The wabbit and the duck aren't in this picture, and they awn't gonna be, aftew I had tawk with the pwoducers."_

10. Jessie and James (Team Rocket)

_"We're so notorious throughout the galaxy that we don't even need to state our relationship! Team Rocket is just that bad!" Jessie cackled._

_"Uh, what is our relationship exactly?" James asked._

_"Nothing that meddling twerps that could be watching this for their own amusement right now should know about!" Jessie yelled._

_"Oh. Sorry."_

11. Tom Servo and Crow (co-workers)

_"Heh, I checked out what they call us; we're 'Co-workers!'" Servo laughed._

_"Yeah, more like 'Co-stars!'" Crow cried. "And who were the idiots that thought it would be a great idea to start a race in Spooner, Wisconsin?"_

_"Yeah, who's lobbying for this show, E. Gary Gygax?" Crow asked. The producers had no response._

All 11 teams gathered in some cheesehead's field, rented by the producers. Bill Deautrive, the host, said a few formalities before letting the race begin.

"Hey y'all! Make sure that you all go to your specially marked vehicles with the funny logos on the hoods!" Bill said, pointing to the cars about 100 feet behind him, all lined up in a neat row. "You have to read the clue placed with your bags-also behind me-before you can get in your car! Remember, be nice and respectful to all those foreigners you meet in the race, and they just might help you! Or file a restraining order."

"Will you hurry up?!" Robotnik demanded. Bill whimpered.

"Uh, okay, uh...ready, set, go!" he cried. All the racers dashed to their cars, some at impressively quick speeds, and others at depressingly slow speeds.

"Make your way..." Squidward read.

"To the Spooner Galactic Airport..." Brain read.

"And book one of three charter flights! EEEEEK!" Gir read.

"To New New York! Where is that?" Mordecai asked as he read.

"Wuns you arrive, head to the Planelet Ex-press!" Sweet Bro read.

"Where you will rrrrecieve your next clue," Robotnik read.

"A-teams are encouraged to find earlier flights, if a-possible!" Mario read.

"The fiwst weg of the wace is guwanteed to be an ewimination wound," Elmer Fudd read.

"lAST TEAM, TO CHECK INTO THE PIT-STOP,,," Tavros read.

"May be eliminated!" James finished.

"Real harsh on the first-timers, huh?" Servo asked Crow.

"Yeah, they probably just trying to weed out the Spielbergs from the Ed Woods!" he replied.

Each team scrambled to their cars to prevent that elimination from happening.

_Intro time!_

_Spongebob is seen yelling over Squidward's head to call out an order at the Krusty Krab. In the picture, Squidward is trying to shove Spongebob out and only show himself as the picture is taken._

_Brain is seen lecturing Pinky on his latest scheme, pointing to a blueprint pinned to the wall of their cage. Pinky is asleep. In the picture, Brain is about to whack Pinky over the head, but sees the camera just in time and gives his "winning smile" as their picture is taken. Look it up._

_Zim is looking on a monitor while Gir is dancing with an orange in the background. In the picture, Zim quickly leans over to grab his wig and eye panels and puts them on before the picture is taken._

_Mario and Luigi are seen stomping on 2 different goombas and then blasting a koopa with fire and thunder respectively. In their picture, they are simply smiling and not doing anything weird._

_Mordecai and Rigby are seen riding a golf cart into a portal over the edge of a cliff while Benson angrily shakes his fists at them. In their picture, they're high-fiving._

_Sweet Bro is falling down some stairs while Hella Jeff is laffing with a bag of Doritos in his hand. In their picture, their flat bodies are just seen facing each other, rather than the camera, and a tiny Jeromy can be seen in the corner._

_Scratch is seen licking Robotnik affectionately from the pilot of Aosth (Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog). In their picture, Robotnik grips Scratch's beak while smiling deviously at the camera. After the second leg, the intro changes: Robotnik is pointing out Grounder and talking about failure and paperweights while wearing a strange device on his head. In their picture, Robotnik has one foot on Grounder and is crushing him._

_Vriska is seen grabbing both Tavros' horns and swinging him aside. Nothing weird in this picture, except Tavros looks uneasy._

_Elmer Fud and Sam are seen shooting targets with Bugs Bunny's silhouette and a shooting range, with Sam using 2 pistols and Elmer using his shotgun. In their picture they aren't doing anything weird, but Elmer is leaning on his shotgun._

_Jessie and James are running and carrying bags over their shoulders, with their all of the Pokémon they would use on the race are following them. In their picture, Wobuffet and Mime Jr. are trying to hog the camera by getting in front of them._

_Crow and Servo are seen in silhouette form as the Amazing Race logo appears on their screen. Crow clearly had some comment to make about it. In their picture, they are in the Satellite of Love._

_A few frames of the race are seen, but they all go so fast that the viewer can't make out a thing!_

Mordecai and Rigby were the first to get their car moving. "Awesome, we're in first!" Rigby cried.

"We could seriously not lose this!" Mordecai agreed.

Regular guys: currently in 1st

"Don't wait for the others to get out of the way! Drive!" Jessie yelled, her head briefly inflating anime-style as James turned on the ignition.

"I'm going as fast as I can!" he cried.

"_Jessie and I are usually on equal grounds when it comes to scheming, but sometimes she lets the stress get to her," James said in his confessional. "Perhaps if we win a few legs, she'll relax...or just get even more wound-up!"_

Team Rocket: currently in 2nd

"I'll handle the navigation," Jessie said rapidly, her eyes scanning the road ahead of them for people. Hopefully, they would be willing to ask for directions when the time came, but at the moment she felt that it was best to follow the animals. Meanwhile, the Bots were also beginning to pull out, with Crow driving as Servo navigated.

Bots: currently in 3rd

"We're not gonna need directions, right?" Servo asked.

"Of course not! Enough movies have been shot here for us to know this place like the back of our hands!" Crow said.

"Good, cause' you know mine don't really work!" Servo replied.

"Then how are you gonna hold the map when we get one?" Crow asked.

"Bro, give me the weel!" Sweet Bro cried as Hella Jeff almost steered into a tree.

"No, man, you're doing it wrong!" Hella Jeff cried as Sweet Bro took the wheel from him and almost veered off the road.

SBaHj: currently in FORTH

"_yeah, we make suk as drivers, but we still can kick the other racers' and their moms' butts, if we just keep it real about...AIDS!" Sweet Bro insisted in his confessional._

_"on closer inspection...maybe our horribible drives can help us do good!" Hella Jeff said hopefully._

"Tavros, you take the wheel and put your metal to the metal!" Vriska cried, referring to Tavros' metal legs.

"uH, OKAY, BUT  
WHAT ARE YOU, GOING TO DO?" he asked.

"I'm just gonna manipul8 some of the other slowpokes into letting us passing them!" she said.

Trolls: currently in 5th

"_Those other teams may 8e sitting pretty right now, 8ut in the end it's gonna all 8oil down to who has the most luck and skill! And I have more than them! All of them! Sorry, other teams, 8ut them's the 8r8ks!" Vriska boasted in her confessional._

_"wHY IS VRISKA BRAGGING, ABOUT HAVING LUCK AND SKILL, WHEN SHE'S JUST USING HER POWERS, TO GET WHAT SHE WANTS?" Tavros asked in his confessional._

"Pinky, I'm driving for the first round!" Brain declared. Despite the mice's apparent shortness, they were able to drive because their producers had modified the cars they would be using to have extremely sensitive pedals that extended from the floor of the car to the top of the steering wheel, where Brain was.

"Don't you think it's real nice of them to fix the cars just for us, Brain? Zort!" Pinky asked.

"It was a very foolish mistake on their part, giving us a tremendous advantage!" Brain said.

_"The other teams won't expect two simple mice to inexplicably beat them in the race!" Brain said. "They will be facing an unpleasant surprise when we complete a leg hours ahead of schedule!"_

Brain stepped on the gas as hard as he could, passing Tavros and Vriska just as the trolls were trying to accelerate at a slightly slower pace.

Mice: currently in 5th

Trolls: currently in 6th

"Hurry up and get close to them, Tavros! I can't make them go to sleep unless I'm close enough to them!" Vriska demanded. Tavros did so, and she used her powers on Pinky and the Brain.

"iF THAT'S HOW IT WORKS, THEN WHY, WAS IT SO MUCH EASIER, FOR YOU, WHEN YOU MADE, JOHN AND JADE, FALL ASLEEP?" Tavros asked.

"Shut up!" Vriska cried.

Brain could feel a mental pressure forcing itself on his powerful brain, but to him it just felt like a minor headache. Pinky yawned and curled up in the passenger's seat.

"Brain, I feel tired. Yawn!" Pinky was soon fast asleep as the mice got on the road.

"Sleep tight, Pinky. You're stupidity won't be useful to me unless you're rested," Brain said.

_"I later found out what Vriska had done," Brain said. "Powers of hypnosis and suggestion only work on the weak-minded! I'm not called 'the Brain' for nothing! Did she really think that I could possibly succumb to her mind control?"_

"Spongebob, let me drive! I have a license!" Squidward cried, pushing Spongebob into the passenger seat.

"Squidward, shouldn't you buckle up first?" Spongebob asked.

"I'm fine! I don't need your silly regulations!" Squidward replied. Suddenly, Yosemite Sam and Elmer Fudd pulled out in front of him, and when he stopped the car suddenly, his big head slammed against the window.

"I think now would be a great time to...floor it!" Spongebob cried, mashing on the gas.

"Nononononooooooo!" Squidward cried, shoving Spongebob off the gas. But by the time he had done so, they had passed a few people.

Sea Creatures: currently in fourth

SBaHj: currently in FITH

Mario Bros: currently Sixth

Mice: currently in seventh

Trolls: currently in 8th

Toons: currently in 9th

Zim and Gir and Robotnik and Scratch pulled out shortly afterward. Robotnik was not happy with his position, and decided to roll down the windows as Scratch began to sped up.

"THRRRROW THE RACE! THRRROW THE RACE!" he cried, using psychological warfare to force the other teams to be discouraged.

"uHH, VRISKA, SHOULD WE REALLY EVEN, BE IN THIS?" Tavros asked.

"You bet your disembodied legs we should! Go faster!" she cried.

"Gir, due to our very LOW placement, you shall drive us insanely fast to the airport!" Zim ordered. Gir saluted and took the wheel.

"EEEEEEHEEEEEEEUWWWW! WE GONNA GO REAL FAST!YEAAAAAAAH!" Gir squealed.

The Spooner Galactic Airport, like most Galactic Airports, did not shuttle flights to and from places within the planet, but rather serviced interplanetary and interdimensional flights. The Galactic Airport Committee, which decided where these airports would be, was very meticulous, and as such they were rarely within the vicinity of actual airports.

The placement of the teams rose and fell as they attempted to get to the airport, with some of them just getting simple directions, and others getting lost. But fortunately for them, all 3 flights wouldn't take off until 9, 9:30, and 10 pm, while the race itself had started at 5:30. Don't airports make such great equalizers?

Bots: currently in 1st, arriving at the airport at 6:03

Regular guys: currently in 2nd, arriving at 6:11

Team Rocket: currently in 3rd, arriving at 6:16

Invaders: currently in 4th, arriving at 6:20

Mice: currently in 5th, arriving at 6:23

SBaHJ: currently in SIX, arriving at 6:33

Sea creatures: currently in 7th, arriving at 6: 40

Trolls: currently in 8th, arriving at 6:42

Mario bros: currently in 9th, arriving at 6:50

Robotnik: currently in 10th, arriving at 6:56

Toons: currently in last, arriving at 7:02

The racers now had to wander about the airport, hopefully finding one of the three charter flights or something faster. They also took the time to purchase food, maps, guidebooks to their destination, go to the bathroom, and check to see if they hadn't lost their passports. They hadn't.

Mario and Luigi approached the counter for Federation Galactic Transport. Luigi asked. "A-what flights would you a-have to New New York?"

"We've got one, departing at 9:30 pm and arriving at 11:12 am, local time," the guy at the counter said. Mario and Luigi immediately bought 2 tickets.

Mario Bros: First on Flight 2

Zim spotted the Mario Bros as they headed over to their gate, and immediately asked for the same flight.

"You! Flight negotiator! Let's negotiate!" he cried.

"Like I said to the others, it leaves at 9:30 and shows up at 11:12 am, local time."

"...Oh. Your assistance will be noted. Eh, anything earlier?"

"Sorry. You'd have to check with other airlines."

"Oh. Eh, I'll just keep what I've got."

Invaders: Second on Flight 2

Vriska and Tavros also approached the Federation Galactic Transport counter. Vriska leaned in close and asked:

"Is this the 9 o'clock one? Spit it out!" she demanded.

"No, ma'am. Our flight to New New York-assuming that you have the same intention as the other passengers-departs at 9:30 pm and-"

"Damn! Let's try Dimensional Airlines!" Vriska declared, dragging Tavros.

"_Those airport people were real stuck-up and o8sessed with 8eing on time!" Vriska said. "I don't have time for on time, I have to 8e there early!"_

The trolls went to the Dimensional Airlines counter. Vriska quickly demanded the flight to New New York.

"Our flight leaves at 9:00 pm, makes a brief connection at Omicron-Persei 8, and then arrives at New New York at 11:45 am, local time.

"Great, we'll take it!" Vriska said, purchasing the tickets.

Trolls: First on Flight 1

The Bots went to the same ticket counter shortly afterward and asked for the same flight. Upon hearing the arrival time and the connection, Servo frowned and told Crow that they should consider checking the other flights.

"Relax, will ya? This isn't gonna go down like Airplane!" Crow reassured.

"Yeah, but I still think we should try and see if the other flights will-"

"Okay, blah blah blah, here we go!" Crow retorted as they headed over to the counter for the 10:00 pm flight from Wormhole Shuttles.

"Our non-stop flight leaves here at ten, but arrives at New New York at 10:37 am, local time," the attendant explained. Servo turned to Crow.

"What did I tell you?"

"Lucky fluke!"

"More like good luck fluke! At this rate we'll be through with this leg faster than Speed Racer in bed!"

Bots: first on Flight 3

As Jessie tapped her foot impatiently as James spent forever in the bathroom, Yosemite Sam approached her.

"Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to get in your way," Jessie said. Sam laughed.

"Nothin' could get in the way o' the deal I'd like to give ya!" he said. Jessie looked at him curiously.

"Well, 'ccordin' to your bios-checked 'em on the airport Wi-Fi-you folks have some experience in varmint-catchin'! And Fudd an' I have had some trouble with a varmint for years now! How's bout' yous help me out after the race if'n I get ya some tickets?"

"Wow, thanks! But, uh, we're not exactly professionals. We haven't even been successful once!" Jessie remarked. "Pokémon can be very difficult to catch under the ownership of twerps! No, wait, there was that one time we got the Togepi and the Yanma..."

But Sam had already left and purchased 4 tickets from Federal Galactic.

Toons: Third on Flight 2

Team Rocket: Fourth on Flight 2

Pinky and the Brain struggled to climb up the counter of one of the airlines. But when they finally reached the top, Brain asked:

"What do you have to New New York, if anything?"

"We have a flight that leaves at 8:30 pm, and arrives at 11:30 am, local time," the attendant replied.

"Good. We'll take it!" Brain said, getting tickets for himself and Pinky. As they went over to the gate to wait for the boarding time, Brain asked:

"Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"

"Hmm...I think so, Brain, but I don't think trolls really _need_ buckets. It's probably just a cultural thing!"

"No, Pinky! We'll be leaving before everyone else! So, logically, it would make sense for us to arrive before everyone else as well!"

"But Brain!" Pinky cried in distress.

"What?!" Brain demanded.

"But then...but then we'll be in first!" Pinky cried.

"Exactly."

Mice: first on Special Flight

_"I really don't see why Brain was so excited about getting the first flight. What if something happened, and we didn't get there first?" Pinky wondered. "And if we did win, how would we know who would be going home?"_

Meanwhile, Squidward and Spongebob were searching the airport. Squidward approached the FGT counter and asked for the flight.

"Why is everyone going to New New York today?" the attendant wondered as he gave the tickets.

"Squidward, shouldn't we check the other-"

"No!" Squidward interrupted.

"_We didn't do especially well getting here, so I'm just getting the first flight I see and sticking with it!" Squidward said defiantly in his confessional._

Sea creatures: Second on Flight 1

Meanwhile, Robotnik strutted pompously to the airport counter of FGT, demanding their flight. When he heard that it was the 9:30 one, he decided to take it.

_"I almost came in last thanks to Scratch's insufferable stupidity!" he complained in his confessional. "If those rrrracers think they can take advantage of my bad placement for the moment, they're delightful...ly incompetent! Ahahahaha!"_

"Ha-ha-ha-HA!" Scratch laughed triumphantly. "We're gonna be the best once we get to New New York!"

"Don't boast just yet, you metal-headed bird brain!" Robotnik screamed, clamping Scratch's beak shut. Brain looked around to see who had said his name, but only saw a fat man yelling at a chicken. Brain raised an eyebrow.

"I think I've seen him before..." Brain said to himself.

Robotnik: Last on Flight 2

Mordecai and Rigby headed over to the Wormhole flight as the airport seemed to be shutting down around them.

"You two got the last tickets available," the attendant said.

"Oh, thank God!" Rigby declared.

"Don't worry, dude, it's just a setback. Besides, I think some other team is still behind us!" Mordecai said.

Regular guys: Second on Flight 3

"Can we get your goodest flight?" Hella Jeff begged the attendant at FGT.

"Sorry, we're booked," he replied. Sweet Bro glared at Hella Jeff.

"If you hadn't spent so much time in the baffrom, taking care of your BIZ-NESS, then we wouldn't BE in this MESSS!" Sweet Bro complained. Hella Jeff lowered his head in shame as they wandered to another counter.

"Our flight leaves at 8:30 and-"

"Sweet, bro!" Hella Jeff cried, giving the attendant a high five.

"Hella yeah!" Sweet Bro replied. "We got mad Luckz, huh?"

"Totally!" Hella Jeff agreed. "How HIGH to have to BE to even HAVE luck like that?"

SBaHJ: Secund on "Special" Flight

Each flight arrived safely in New New York, with no delays. Here are the standings as the teams began the leg:

1st: Bots

2nd: Regular Guys

3rd: Mario Bros

4th: Invaders

5th: Toons

6th: Team Rocket

7th: Robotnik

8th: Mice

9th: SBaHj

10th: Trolls

11th: Sea creatures

New New York, the largest city in Earthica, a sprawling megalopolis built underneath an older, outdated sprawling megalopolis, filled with people and machines of all shapes, sizes, colors, and levels of intelligence. In some ways, the place was more advanced than any other society in the universe; in other aspects, Earthica was so horribly backward that it would never recover. Thankfully for our racers, the people in the city that would be helping them out in the race would be some of the city's elite. Or at least, that's what Farnsworth told his employees at the Planet Express as the eagerly awaited for the arrival (and subsequent departure) of the racers.

The flights arrived as scheduled, and nothing was delayed (how convenient for all of them!). The Bots and the Regular Guys immediately got out of the plane and headed for the marked cars in the parking lot. Crow quickly dashed to his car and stuffed Servo in, speeding off while Mordecai and Rigby were still looking.

"So long, suckers!" Crow cried as he drove off with Servo.

"Crap, man! Now we're probably in last!" Mordecai cried.

"No, we're not!" Rigby protested. "I looked at the other arrival times on our way out! Our flight might have gotten here before the others!" Rigby was unable to persuade Mordecai.

"Yeah, sure, whatever, let's just see if we can't try and avoid getting eliminated!"

_"This really sucks!" Mordecai said in his confessional. "We did pretty good getting to the airport, but I guess we just spent too much time gettin' snacks and stuff that we didn't realize all the other teams had booked! Just goes to show you can't let your guard down!"_

_"I can't believe Mordecai didn't listen to me," Rigby complained in his confessional. "I got a good luck at the other arrival times! Yeah, sure, our plane was last to get off the ground, but we got a non-stop flight! I saw the other times, and we got here hours earlier! I think the producers set that up to try and trick everybody into getting the earliest flight! And I didn't fall for it! Hm hm!" Rigby nodded aggressively._

Bots: currently in 1st

Regular guys: currently in 2nd

As the Bots drove out into the streets, Crow read the clue that had been placed in each car.

"Make your to the Planet Express. Once there, you will have to complete the first challenge of this race!" Crow said. "Hope it's not some stupid eating contest!"

"If we wanted to win at that, we'd probably need Linda Hunt, or something!" Servo asked. Crow gave him a weird look.

The Mario Bros were the first out of their flight, and they immediately headed for one of the marked cars outside their airport's parking lot.

"This a-leg shouldn't be too hard for us, Luigi!" Mario said.

"What makes you say that?" Luigi asked.

"Well, like all Italian immigrants, we a-lived in old New York for a while. So, shouldn't a-New New York be like a more modernized version of the same a-place?"

"Oh, I a-see what you mean!" Luigi agreed.

_"Despite a-being, well, the freakin Super Mario Brothers, the other a-teams haven't really paid any attention to us," Mario said in his confessional. "I think it would be best to a-keep it that way for now."_

Mario Bros: currently in 3rd

Zim, Gir, the Toons, Team Rocket, Robotnik and Scratch all piled out of the plane in a heap after the Mario bros. had left. Scratch tripped up James, but Gir tripped up Robotnik, whose fat body collapsed on Zim.

"Get off of me, you bloaty-pizza hog!" Zim cried. "Gir, help me get out of this massive solid puddle!"

"You incompetent, rrrrambunctious, rrraving, morronic, bucket of metal!" Robotnik cried to Gir.

"Silence, fat one! No one calls Gir those things except ME!" Zim yelled. Robotnik quickly rolled off of Zim with Gir's help. Jessie, upon seeing James trip, simply forced him up.

"How could you possibly trip on flat ground?!" she cried to James.

"The chicken tripped me up!" James protested weakly as he was dragged to the car.

Elmer and Sam, meanwhile, got to their car first with no interruptions. They read the clue like the other teams and drove off.

_"Hoo-wii! Good thing we didn't get caught up in that little melee mess like the others!" Sam said in relief._

Jessie and James were next to drive off.

"Follow the toons unless it looks like they're going the wrong way!" Jessie ordered James.

"How will I know that?" James asked.

"I don't know, just go somewhere else if they stop and ask for directions!" Jessie asked.

Toons: currently in 4th

Team Rocket: currently in 5th

Zim and Gir, being faster than Robotnik, got to their car quicker. After Zim read the clue, Gir was a little upset as he took the wheel. Zim sighed.

"What is it, Gir? Did you forget to smuggle the tacos on the flight?" Zim asked.

"No...the fat man called me mean names!" Gir wailed. Zim awkwardly flicked Gir's antenna, not knowing of this would help.

"Eh...uh...we _are_ in front of them, I guess, so that _does_ make them inferior to us, for the time being," Zim said, trying to cheer his robot up. He then thought of something that could sorta work.

"DRIVE, GIR, DRIVE! DRIVE IN RAGE! DRIVE TO BEAT ROBOTNIK AND SEND HIM TO HIS DOOOOOOOM!" Zim ordered. Gir, suddenly elated, drove furiously.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEUEEWEEEEE!" Gir cried.

_"I didn't actually think that would work," Zim admitted in his confessional._

"Who did you trip?" Robotnik asked Scratch when they got in the last car.

"Uh, I don't really know!" Scratch asked. "I think it was the purple haired guy. They're still in front of us, though."

"WHAT?!" Robotnik cried, grabbing Scratch's head and shaking his neck.

"You tripped him up, and we STILL HAVEN'T GOTTEN AHEAD OF THEM?!" Robotnik tugged at his mustache in irritation.

"Stand back!" he said, shoving Scratch aside with his fat body. "I'll drrrive!"

_"I can't believe that didn't work!" Robotnik said in his confessional. "We'll have to try more advanced tactics to win! And Scratch will have to stop being an idiotic, iron imbecile for a just a few hours!"_

_"I wish Robotnik would stop yelling at me if things don't quite go as planned," Scratch said in his confessional. "Oh, well! I bet Grounder would've done really horribly! I probably tripped James up better than he would!"_

The not-so-special flight arrived next, carrying the mice and SBaHJ.

"Hm, they must've not expected us to show up so early. Narf!" Pinky remarked when he couldn't find any cars.

"Up in that plane, how HIGH did we have to BE?" Hella Jeff asked Sweet Bro.

"I dunno," Sweet Bro replied simply, too busy frantically searching for cars to answer.

They searched the parking lot for marked cars, but they couldn't find any. However, four clue boxes had been placed where they had been. They each grabbed a clue and read it.

"If you are reading this clue, then your team did not arrive in time to claim a specially marked car for this leg of the race!" Pinky read.

"But FEERNAUGHT! If you can cache a TAXY and get a good DRIVER, you may bee abel to cache up!" Sweet Bro read.

"I don't understand; our flight left earliest! Shouldn't we be winning?" Brain asked Pinky.

"Oh, yeah, about that. I looked at the other flight times while we were flying, and I think this one wasn't the first," Pinky said. Brain stared at Pinky in irritation before sighing. Was he actually right?

"But...I'm the Brain! I can't possibly make such a foolhardy mistake!" Brain cried. "How could I fall for such a deception?" he asked himself. Meanwhile, Pinky had hailed a cab.

"Come on, Brain!" he cried, waving from the cab. Brain climbed in and ordered the driver to Planet Express.

_"I am going to conquer the world soon. I can't make mistakes like the one I made today, or it could cost me domination!" Brain said in his confessional. "From now on, I need to be more cautious when choosing flights...perhaps I could have Pinky help me out with that in some way. His low intelligence won't allow for planning, but if I could at least make him memorize boring flight information, it may help me make better flight decisions!" Brain thought._

SBaHj were right behind them.

The trolls and the sea creatures also arrived, just a few minutes later.

"Ugggh! That flight was way too long!" Vriska moaned as she dashed out of the plane with her luggage. Squidward nodded in agreement.

"At least you didn't have a sponge asking you every 11 minutes, 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet?' So annoying!"

The teams got out and grabbed the clue boxes, reading them quickly.

"What the h8ll?! C8uld they seri8usly n8t w8 for us to sh8w up and get some cars?! All the 8ther teams pr88a8ly have s8me 8y n8w!"

"wELL, MAYBE IF WE HAD JUST LOOKED FOR ONE OF THE OTHER FLIGHTS,,," Tavros suggested. "tHE OTHER FLIGHTS, MAY HAVE LEFT LATER, BUT I GUESS THEY GOT HERE, EARLIER."

"Tavros, shut up! I don't need theories, I need answers!" she cried. Tavros walked calmly to the side of the road and waved frantically for a cab.

"Where to, brother?" the robot cab driver (it's not Bender!) asked upon noticing Tavros' metal legs.

"uHH, COULD YOU TAKE ME AND THE GIRL, WITH ME, TO THE PLANET EXPRESS? IT'S OKAY, IF YOU DON'T KNOW, WHERE IT IS, BUT JUST, TRY TO HURRY! WE'RE, UH, IN A RACE," Tavros said nervously.

"Sure thing! Anything I can do for a fellow metal man!" the robot said. "Get your girlfriend and let's go!" Tavros did as the cab driver asked.

"What do you want? Can't you see I'm planning? We've got a8out as long as it takes for the 8ig-nosed 8ald guy and the talking cheese to leave!"

"dON'T WORRY," Tavros reassured her. "i, GOT US A GOOD CAB DRIVER. I THINK THAT, HE LIKES ME, BECAUSE OF MY METAL LEGS," he explained as they got to their taxi.

"Wow! Guess me paralyzing you actually helped us!" Vriska said happily. The robot glared at her, and whispered to Tavros:

"You want me to ditch this chick? She's slowing you down!"

"nO, IT'S OKAY, WE NEED EACH OTHER, FOR THE RACE. WE HAVE TO, WORK TOGETHER," Tavros explained.

"Okay, your call. But just so you know, there are a lot of folks here that would take care of her for you."

"nO, NO, THEY MIGHT GET KILLED, TRYING TO KILL HER," Tavros replied.

"Yeah! You tell'em, Toreador!" Vriska cried.

_"vRISKA, CAN BE REALLY MEAN, AND ANYONE, WHO'S KNOWN HER, FOR AS LONG AS I HAVE, KNOWS THAT," Tavros admitted. "bUT, SHE REALLY KNOWS, WHAT SHE'S DOING, AND SOMETIMES, SHE CAN BE VERY NICE, IF YOU'RE LUCKY. BUT, ADMITTEDLY, I'VE BEEN THINKING, THAT MAYBE, I SHOULD SEE OTHER PEOPLE. iT'S NOT HER FAULT, BUT SHE'S JUST, TOO MEAN. UNFORTUNATELY, MY ONLY OTHER OPTION, IS GAMZEE,,,TO BE HONEST, THOUGH, I REALLY LIKE JADE HARLEY,,,BUT SHE'S A HUMAN, AND SHE DOESN'T LIKE ME," Tavros said. "uH, JADE, I HOPE, THAT YOU'RE WATCHING, AT HOME, OR SOMETHING, AND I HOPE, THAT DAVE, ISN'T HOGGING THE POPCORN."_

Spongebob and Squidward imediately got a taxi as well, and Squidward instructed the driver to follow the trolls' cab.

Mario and Luigi were the first to arrive at Planet Express, simply finding the old Western Union building that had been in the city's previous incarnation. They immediately headed inside, where they received a nod and a grunt from Scruffy.

"Clue box is over there," Scruffy said, pointing to said clue box just ahead.

"Oh, a-thank you, Mr.-" Luigi began.

"Scruffy. I'm the janitor," Scruffy said.

"Oh, a-really! We're a plumbers, so we're a-practically related!" Mario said. Scruffy gave him a puzzled look and continued mopping the floor. The brothers opened the clue box.

"Detour," Luigi read. "Delivery or Surgery?"

_A detour is when each team must complete one of two tasks, each with its own pros and cons. In Delivery, teams must go to the hangar of Planet Express and get a shipping order from Professor Farnsworth, who will be waiting there. The teams must then fly to the marked address somewhere in the city and deliver the package, and then return the hover-bikes they delivered the packages on. This task will be hard for those not skilled in piloting a massive ship, and the delivery could be anywhere in the city._

_In Surgery, teams must head into Dr. Zoidberg's office and assist him in operating on a dummy. The teams must be able to carefully remove 5 tumors, located in the brain, heart, liver, right kidney, and-most importantly-the appendix. If the teams accidentally puncture a vein or artery, or accidentally remove some uninfected tissue, they must place the tumor back inside the dummy and seperate the healthy tissue from the tumor. It's not a hard task, but you have to be very, very meticulous._

_Once the teams are finished with the Detour_

"A-hmm," Mario wondered. "Which one should we a-do?"

"Weren't you a doctor once?" Luigi asked.

"Yeah, I was! How could I forget?" Mario declared.

_"I'm a-not particularly fond of my years in the medical profession," Mario explained briefly in his confessional. "I had to a-see and learn about some terrible things..."_

The brothers burst into Zoidberg's office, causing him to leap for joy.

"Hurray, I have visitors! Are you here for the challenge? If not, then the bathroom is across the hallway," Zoidberg said.

"No, were a-here for the challenge!" Luigi explained.

"Okay, then! Put on the sterile outfits and help me with this dummy here!" Zoidberg pointed a claw to an unconcious, 30-something black man with an afro.

"His father is counting on us! If we fail, he may never be able to sell junk again! And I practically rely on junk to survive!" Zoidberg said. "Help me repair the ecosystem of this city!"

"Okay, let's a-go!" Mario cried, peering at the tumors.

Mordecai and Rigby were the next to arrive at Planet Express. Scruffy had properly mopped up the floors by this time (i.e. made them slippery) and Rigby skidded over to the clue box.

"Delivery or Surgery?" he asked Mordecai.

"Delivery, definitely," Mordecai decided. "All we gotta do is give something and come back. We've done stuff for Benson like this before, and we're less likely to screw up!" The regular animals headed off to the hangar, were the Planet Express ship was parked. Farnsworth was sitting in front of it, snoring away. Rigby snapped his fingers to get him to wake up.

"Eh, wha?" Farnsworth moaned, staring at the team. He then yelled to no one, "Leela, I think some of your animal friends have shown up! Leela, where are you?"

"No, no, we're here for the race!" Mordecai explained. Farnsworth breathed a sigh of relief.

"Oh, good; for a minute there, I thought I'd have to talk to a bunch of savage furries! Good to see you're just regular animals. Okay, here: deliver an antique vase to this address!" Farnsworth handed them a card labelled "666 Carnie Road, Jersey City."

"666? Isn't that, like, the devil's number?" Rigby asked.

"No, that's just where the Robot Devil lives, underneath an old amusement park! That's where Robot Hell is!" Farnsworth explained.

"Oh, that's okay," Mordecai said. "We've actually had to go to otherworldy places like that before! This should be a peice of cake!"

"Yeah! Heck, Pops could probably do this!" Rigby exclaimed.

"This Pops fellow, did he graduate from Starvard University, in the year 2873?" Farnsworth asked.

"Uh, no..."

"Oh, good! For a minute there, I thought I was going to have to hire a hitman! That'd be a major dent in the company's revenue!" Farnsworth said with relief.

"So, what do we fly in? That big ship there?" Rigby asked, pointing to the Planet Express.

"Ha ha, you wish!" Farnsworth said. "But no; you'll be flying in one of those!" he cried, pointing to a group of 2-seat hover bikes. They got on when Farnsworth gave them the package.

"You hold the thing, I'll drive!" Rigby said.

"Sure, dude, just head south! I think that's where Jersey City is!" Mordecai suggested. "Look for, like, an old, run-down carnival!" And the two animals went off.

Mario bros: currently in 1st

Regular guys: currently in 2nd

Meanwhile, Servo was asking for directions to Planet Express.

"Hey, uh, you wouldn't happen to know where Planet Express is, would you?" Servo asked a large green alien outside of news building.

"Morbo is unconcerned with wanderings!" Morbo said, and entered the building.

"Come on, Servo, we have to get to the place before Pablo's happy hour! If we don't, it'll be a bad sign!" Crow said.

"When is that?" Servo asked as he got back in the car.

"Whenever Roberto Santibanez feels like it is!" Crow replied.

The robot cab driver quickly took the trolls to the Planet Express, letting Tavros get off for free.

"But you're gonna have to pay!" he said to Vriska. "25 bucks! Cough it up!"

"Ugh. Fine," she said, handing the robot his money. Tavros read the Detour as Vriska nearly fell on the wet floor.

"uHH, SHOULD WE DO DELIVERY, OR SURGERY?" Tavros asked. Vriska read over the Detour choices carefully.

"Okay, Delivery looks long, 8ut Surgery looks lame!" she said. "If only Terezi was here. She could just flip a coin and decide for us!"

"Why don't you do surgery?" Zoidberg suggested, klacking his claws and appearing from nowhere.

"uHH, WHY DON'T WE DO SURGERY?" Tavros suggested, glancing at Zoidberg. Vriska shook her head.

"No, we need to do Delivery! That'll be less boring!" Vriska cried, rushing off to the hangar. Tavros looked at Zoidberg with disappointment.

"i'M SORRY, I COULDN'T GET HER, TO HELP YOU," he said.

"It's okay, friend. I appreciate the gesture of kindness," Zoidberg replied. And the two sad, adorable woobies went to where they were supposed to be.

"_i COULD TELL, THAT THAT GUY, WAS A LOSER, LIKE ME," Tavros said. "oR AT LEAST, EVERYONE CALLS HIM A LOSER, AND NOBODY LIKES HIM. i JUST, WANTED TO MAKE HIM HAPPY," TAvros said remorsefully._

Farnsworth woke up from another nap as the trolls entered the hangar.

"The hover-bikes are over there. Drive dangerously, now!" Farnsworth said as he gave them a package. "This package contains a Chaos Emerald, whatever that is!"

"oH, OKAY. wE WILL, DO OUR BEST, TO DELIVER IT SAFELY," Tavros said, taking the package. Vriska hopped in the front seat and started the craft.

"Come on! We have to get moving, we could be in last!" she cried.

"No, you're actually the second team I've seen!" Farnsworth called as they left. Vriska heard this and was surprised, but she had no time to think about it.

"Those troll costumes are top notch!" Farnsworth said to himself as the trolls left. "But I don't see why anyone would want to pretend to be Vriska!"

Spongebob and Squidward were close behind the trolls, and it wasn't long before they got to the Planet Express as well.

"Ooh! Let's do Delivery!" Spongebob exclaimed, dragging Squidward along with him.

"No, no, wait, remember what happened last time!" Squidward said, remembering the time they had to deliver a pizza.

"Exactly! This'll probably be even easier than that!" Spongebob cried ecstaticly.

"Wait, fellow sea creatures! Don't you want to help me with some surgery?" Zoidberg asked, once again crestfallen.

"Yeah, what he said! Spongebob, if you let me do surgery, I'll...uh...go jellyfishing with you!" Squidward begged. Spongebob shook his head.

"Sorry, Squidward! I think this'll be easier!" Spongebob said.

_"I don't see why Squidward didn't wanna do what I wanted to!" Spongebob said in his confessional. "Why is he like that all the time? Does he secretly hate me, or something? No, that can't be it. Must've been something he ate, and he didn't wanna throw up from all that gross surgery!"_

Farnsworth gave them a package that took them to the flooded portions of New York.

"The address is in an area that flooded during the great Sponge shortage of 2497! Hoo boy, was that terrifying!" Farnsworth said. Spongebob beamed, honored to have the absence of his species causing a tragedy. Farnsworth gave them a package containing a pizza, of all things, and sent them off.

"Oh, drat! I forgot to give them the drink he ordered! Oh, well!" Farnsworth said, trying to see if he get some sleep before the next team arrived.

Trolls: currently in 3rd

Sea creatures: currently in 4th

Mario and Luigi, meanwhile, had carefully removed the tumor in the liver and appendix, and were focusing on the kidney.

"Luigi, don't a-move!" he said. Luigi had placed the tonsils meant to remove the fake tumor (it was fake, right?) just next to the renal artery and the renal vein. Yeah, I think those are real? As Luigi tried to reach over to where the tumor was, he accidentally hit the vein.

"Oh no!" Zoidberg cried. "Now you guys are gonna have to patch that up as well!"

"Eh, sorry!" Luigi said sheepishly to Mario. Mario asked Zoidberg as the latter gave him some fancy futuristic tool thingy that artificially repaired blood vessels:

"A-hey, this guy's a volunteer, right? He's a-not in any real danger, is he?"

"What? Oh, no, he's just a simple volunteer! An unwilling one, perhaps, but just a volunteer! You wouldn't believe how hard it was to give him those tumors!" Zoidberg replied. The brothers exchanged nervous glances.

"Now you a-see why I left the medical profession?" Mario whispered to Luigi.

Pinky and the Brain were next to arrive. Pinky quickly grabbed the clue box and read the Detour.

"We're doing Surgery. In an attempt to poison all of mankind, I had to learn their anatomy," Brain explained.

"Oh, you did? Well, why is it that the females have such big-?" Pinky began.

"Breeding mechanism," Brain said quickly as they headed into Zoidberg's office. Zoidberg klacked his claws in excitement.

"Hooray, another team!" Zoidberg said happily. "I'm afraid I only have one dummy with me at the moment. You'll have to wait until these guys finish, and then I have to put the tumors back in slightly different places!"

"No need. I have a dummy for you to operate on right here!" Brain said, presenting Pinky.

"But Brain, I don't need surgery! Zort!" Pinky protested.

"Hey, that sounds a lot like 'Zoid', the beginning of my surname!" Zoidberg said happily. "You guys are great!" Brain bowed.

"Well, yes, thank you, we do strive to conquer...wait, did you say 'Another team' when we showed up? Are you implying that we are only the second team you've seen?"

"The Mario brothers are the only other ones that have seen me!" Zoidberg replied. "Other people wanted to, but they were shot down, and it made me sad."

"YES! WE CAN STILL WIN!" Brain cried excitedly as Zoidberg placed tumors in Pinky and knocked him out with anasthesia.

"You take joy in others' loneliness? How mean..." Zoidberg said.

"No, no, I'm not that cruel. I may want to conquer the world, but only for benevolent reasons! I'm not evil!" Brain claimed.

SBaHJ, meanwhile, were having trouble getting to the Planet Express.

"No, man, you're doing it wrong!" Sweet Bro said.

"You have to flip the wheel...turnways!" Hella Jeff insisted, very nearly forcing the cab driver off the road.

_"UNO, I think that 'specil' flight was a ruse..." Sweet Bro said in his confessional._

_"Yeah," Hella Jeff agreed. "The aim of its plan was to be a distaction to the other players, and WE GOT ONE!"_

Mordecai and Rigby eventually arrived in Jersey City and found Robot Devil's address. Robot Devil happily accepted the vase, and the regular guys had no idea why he could possibly want it in the first place.

"Your souls wouldn't happen to be available, would they?" Robot Devil asked.

"Sorry, no, they're probably on loan to somebody else," Rigby said apologetically. "Can't remember who, though."

"Oh, that's too bad. See you for all eternity one day!" Robot Devil cried, waving goodbye.

Regular guys: currently in 1st

Zim, pretending to be a normal Earth child, asked Morbo for the directions to Planet Express.

"Morbo knows who you really are, and is sympathetic to your cause!" he said. "Take a right at Detraction Avenue, and then look for the red building with an observation tower!"

"Thank you, news person!" Zim said, still attempting to maintain his Earth facade as he went back into the car.

Zim and Gir arrived at Planet Express, quickly followed by Robotnik, Scratch, Team Rocket and the Toons.

"Okay, uh, Delivery or Surgery?" Gir asked Zim.

"Surgery! I have great knowledge of organs ever since I had to steal some a while back!" Zim boasted. James took the next available clue box. Scratch took the next one.

"Scratch, we're doing Delivery! That should be a suitable job for your...limited intellect," Robotnik said. He and Scratch headed off.

"Okay, which one do we do?" James asked Jessie, Elmer, and Sam.

"Suwgewy doesn't sound too hawd," Elmer suggested. "But it does sound scawy!"

"I don't know nothin' bout' puttin' people together!" Sam said. "We're doin' Delivery!"

"Oh, come on! You've been in chawge this whole twip! Can't I pick one thing, pwease?" Elmer begged. Sam relented, and the two went to Zoidberg's office.

"That's fine. What should we do?" James asked. Jessie went over and whispered to James.

"Keep quiet about this, okay?" she said. "We'll just say we're doing Surgery and watch them. If it looks too hard for us, we'll go straight to Delivery before we even start! And Sam and Elmer won't be able to follow us unless they want to risk elimination!"

"Oooh! Sounds delightfully wicked!" James said. Team Rocket followed the Toons into Zoidberg's office, where the Mario brothers were just finishing up.

"Okay, we a-got the last tumor out!" Mario exclaimed triumphantly.

"Good! And just in time for the others!" Zoidberg said, crudely stuffing the tumors back in and giving the Mario bros. their clue. Jessie and James looked at each other.

"This'll take too long! Let's go!" Jessie said. And she and James sneaked out of the room to join Robotnik and Scratch in the hangar.

"I am done with Pinky as well," Brain said, presenting Pinky's dissected body. After sewing him back up and taking a clue, Brain went out of the office and revived Pinky.

"Narf! That was really weird!" Pinky said. "Did we win?"

"Not yet, Pinky. Since we've already nearly come in last, we shouldn't be too far from the finish line," Brain said.

When the Marios Bros were away from the Planet Express, Luigi read the next clue

"Make your way a-to the Madison Cube Garden," he read.

"Never a-heard of that place. Must be right where the a-Madison Square Garden once a-was!" Mario thought. He drove off with the mice in hot pursuit.

Mario bros: currently in 1st

Mice: currently in 2nd

As Vriska and Tavros gave their Chaos Emerald to a very depressed looking Shadow the Hedgehog, they looked up in the sky and saw Mordecai and Rigby on their hover-bike.

"Crap! We have to get moving!" Vriska said.

"sORRY, ABOUT MARIA," Tavros said. "i BET, SHE WAS REALLY SWEET."

"It's hard, being immortal," Shadow commented. "Want me to take you back to where you were?"

"Hell, yeah! Do it!" Vriska said.

"hOLD ON, VRISKA," Tavros warned. "i THINK, THAT WOULD BE CHEATING, AND THEN THEY WOULD, DISQUALIFY US."

"Gah! You're pro8a8ly right, you stupid goody-goody!" Vriska sighed. The trolls got back on their hover-bikes and went off.

As Mordecai and Rigby were just getting out of the hangar, Robotnik and Team Rocket both went in. Robotnik went over to Farnsworth, who had predictably fallen back to sleep, and yelled:

"WAKE UP, YOU WRINKLED OLD BAG OF POOP!" This woke up Farnsworth immediately.

"Why, Gerald, it's so good to see you in this race! It isn't every day I meet an old friend!" he said.

"NO!" Robotnik cried. "I'm not Gerald! I am Dr. Ivo Robotnik! Now give me a package!"

"Okay, okay, sheesh, kids these days!" he said, giving him and Team Rocket a package. They got on their hover-bikes and left.

Just as the Bots and Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff arrived in the Planet Express, Mordecai and Rigby were heading out, on their way to the Madison Cube Garden.

"Aw man, we gotta hurry!" Servo cried, hovering over to the clue box. Yes, he can hover, just not hold stuff.

"Okay, we have no idea how humans work, so we're doing Delivery!" Crow said, and the bots were off. Sweet Bro looked at the detour options and said:

"oooookaaaay...we SUCK at driving, so MAY BEE WWII should try and do some CO-OPERACEUN!"

"Dude that pun was so LAME! Not even in an IRONIC WAY!" Hella Jeff complained as they went to Zoidberg's office. There they saw that Jessie and James had left, apparently to do Delivery.

"SHOOD we BANG this?" Sweet Bro asked Hella Jeff.

"Hella yeah, man!" Hella Jeff said.

_"I now this may be AGRRAVITATING to sum people, but 'HELLA YEAH' is like, my new cache phrase!" Hella Jeff said proudly. "Eksept that I CHER IT with my Sweet Bro."_

Vriska and Tavros were just leaving as Servo, James, Crow, and Jessie were arriving to wake up Farnsworth.

"This guy sleeps around more than a teenager on Ecstasy!" Crow said.

"Yeah, and he's about as quiet as Jack Black and Carol Channing at a funeral!" Servo remarked.

"Ew, now I'm thinking of Jack Black in a pantsuit!" Crow said in disgust. Farnsworth then woke up.

"Eh, didn't I see you two hooligans at a theater once?" he asked the Bots.

"Yeah, we riff movies. It's awesomely horrible," Servo boasted.

"Uh...we catch Pokémon," James said weakly.

"Don't let Leela hear that!" Farnsworth said. "Here are your packages, and there are your hover-bikes! Now will you all leave me alone?" he said, sinking back into his chair to continue his nap of laziness. Just as they left, Bender burst into the room.

"Somebody said Crow and Tom Servo were here! I want them to sign my shiny metal ass!"

"They just left, you sick pervert!" Farnsworth said.

"Oh, look who's talking, Mr. there's nothing wrong with loving a blob!"

"Mooshi was very sweet!" Farnsworth said defensively. "And she wasn't just 'some blob', either! I couldn't explain it to you, Bender; you robots aren't capable of love or heartbreak!"

"That really hurts my feelings..." Bender said, beginning to leak oil. "And now I'm pissed cause' I'm leakin' oil!" Bender went off to go and see if he could repair himself in peace.

Spongebob and Squidward arrived at their customer's door, and he happily accepted the pizza, until he realized something was missing...

"Hey, buddy, where's my drink?!" the fish demanded Spongebob. Not remembering what happened last time, Spongebob whimpered:

"But...but you didn't order any..."

"Didn't you ever once think of the customer? You call yourself a delivery boy? What happened to that Fry fellow that used to work for Planet Express?" the fish demanded. Squidward sighed, realizing exactly where this gag was going. He took Spongebob and left the ocean.

"But Squidward, we failed the customer!" Spongebob cried.

"No, Spongebob, the customer failed you!" Squidward said.

"Oh...bahahahahahahha!" Spongebob laughed idiotically.

_"Oh, well. I'd rather have him laughing than crying," Squidward said in his confessional._

Meanwhile, in Zoidberg's office, the teams all struggled to properly fix their respective dummies, all of which suspiciously looked like Lamont Sanford and his clones.

"Gir, help! The patient's circulatory fluid is getting in my mouth!" Zim cried as he severed the jugular vein. But Gir was too busy playing with the blood pressure machine, seeing HOW HIGH his blood pressure could go. Since he had no blood to be pressured, he simply squeezed it until his arm came off.

"That could've hurt!" Gir said optimistically.

"Oops, just tore out some of his intestine!" Sam said sheepishly.

"No, dude, you have to flip his lever TURN-WAYS!" Sweet Bro cried to Hella Jeff as they removed their first tumor.

"Uh, I think that Team Wocket just weft us..." Elmer Fudd whispered to Sam.

"Well, shoot! Looks like those two-timin' rascals turned tail and ran! If'n I can get on to'em bout' it, I certainly will! Maybe Surgery'll be quicker than it looks!" Sam vowed as he removed his third tumor.

Meanwhile, Spongebob and Squidward went back to Planet Express and got their next clue, just as Mario and Luigi arrived at the place the clue would be taking them.

"Roadblock," Luigi read. "Who is ready to play ball? That'd be you, Mario!"

"Of a-course! I've always been a-better than you at all sports!" Mario said jokingly. When Luigi scowled, Mario added, "But only by a little bit!"

_Teams must now have one member play Blernsball and either hit a homerun or round all the bases. The catch is that they will not be told the rules before playing, and so they will have to figure them out on their own. They are allowed an unlimited amount of outs if needed, and the players will be patient with them._

"Hmm. Don't think I've ever played this variation before," Mario asked.

"Variation of what?" one of the Blernsball players asked.

"This variation of baseball," Mario replied. The Blernsball players gave him odd looks.

"Go, go, Mario!" Luigi cried from the stands.

Mario Bros: currently in 1st

Pinky and the Brain were next to arrive, but had to wait for Mario to finish. Pinky immediately volunteered.

"Oh, I love playing blernsball! It's always been a dream of mine!"

"How do you know how to play?" Brain asked.

"Do you remember that one time we met that Nibbler fellow? Well..."

Brain, not wishing to remember how his plans for world domination had been apprehended by the Nibblonians, just sat back and watched Pinky play.

Mice: currently in 2nd

Regular guys: currently in 3rd

Trolls: currently in 4th

Sea Creatures: currently in 5th

Meanwhile, Robotnik arrived at the right address and delivered his package. He was disappointed when the person at the door smiled and told him to have a pleasant day. Robotnik got back on the hover-bike, confused.

"Strange...they usually scowl and say how much they hate me! Scratch, tell me, am I in decline?" he said.

"Only your belly is, your Portliness!" Scratch replied. Robotnik was angry at Scratch's comment, but his distorted angry face looked like a smile to Scratch.

"Glad I could brighten your day, Dr. Robotnik!" Scratch said happily.

Robotnik: currently in 6th

Meanwhile the Bots also reached their address. Fry opened the door.

"Hey, you were those guys that always made fun of movies back in my time!" Fry said.

"Yeah, we still do some of that, but it's called Rifftrax now," Crow said. "Our sillohouettes aren't allowed on camera, and we have to pretend to be some guys named Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett. Legal issues," he explained.

"But it's not fair! Mike gets to still be Mike!" Servo complained. Crow handed Fry his package.

"Could you guys wait here for just a second? Bender's a big fan!" Fry said.

"Who's Bender, your hooker?" Crow joked.

"No, but he got turned into a girl twice," Fry replied. As soon as he tapped a few buttons on his Eyephone, Bender immediately crashed through Fry's wall.

"I finally get to meet you guys!" Bender exclaimed. "I was at the Planet Express, but you guys had just left!"

"The Kool-Aid man entrances aren't a normal thing, are they?" Servo asked.

"Nah, I've just been a hurry. How's about I give you something for your troubles?" Bender opened up his compartment door and gave each of the Bots a beer and some rocket fuel.

"Just drench your batteries in this stuff and you'll be back at the Planet Express in no time at all!" Bender said. The Bots drank some and felt energized. Servo suddenly found himself flying through the air and zoomed through the sky, making sure to take the much slower hover-bike, and Crow landed on the ground and ran down the streets at the speed of racecar.

"Hey, Servo, how legal do you think that stuff was?" Crow asked Servo as they sped back to the Planet Express.

"I don't know, like, Adam Sandler streaking illegal?" he asked.

"Yeah, that sounds about right," Crow said.

Meanwhile, back at Zoidberg's office (again!) Sam and Elmer had just finished removing the last of the tumors and left for their next clue, bumping into the Bots on their way out. Sweet Bro, Hella Jeff, and Zim were working hard to remove their dummies' tumors as well.

"Dude, we almost got it!" Sweet Bro cried as Hella Jeff's shitty JPG fingers gripped the tongs and took out the fourth tumor.

Zim, meanwhile, had already removed all of the tumors but was struggling to repair all of the arteries he had severed, as well as untangle the large and small intestines from each other. Finally, he had to make sure that all the bones were back in place.

"Gir, could you try and help me, please? This could take a while unless you don't-"

But Gir simply flailed and splashed around in the dummy's various bodily fluids, further depriving him of his essence.

"Allow me to help you!" Zoidberg said as SBaHJ removed the last tumor. All they had to do was put back a few brain cells, and they were out of there!

"Uh...dude...what do you know about...BRAINS?" Sweet Bro asked Hella Jeff.

"Uh...I dunno. How are we supposed to NO about that when we don't HAF ANY!?" Sweet Bro cried in distress.

"_That was so funfair!" Sweet Bro said in his confessional. "Don't those IDIDIOTS NO that we are one of the few EXTINGWISHED INVIDIDUALS without a brain?" he asked._

"Your assistance, like the flight attendant, will be noted, and your life will be spared, should this place ever be invaded," Zim said.

"You know, my race tried that once. We worked everything out, and now I realize that it's much better to live in peace." Zoidberg said. Zim laughed hysterically.

"AHAHAHAHAHHAAAAA! You are a very silly...whatever you are," Zim said.

_"I believe my disguise is working!" Zim said ecstaticly in his confessional, forgetting that everyone watching TV would hear it. "A few people have actually believed I was a dumb smelly human, and perhaps more will do so as I continue in the race!" he said confidently._

Robotnik and Scratch returned to the Planet Express, along with Jessie and James.

"That was so much easier than that Surgery thing, I'll bet!" James said.

"Yeah! I'll bet there are some losers still working in there!" she said as they left Planet Express and searched for their next clue.

"Quickly, Scratch! To the Ego-matic hovercraft!" Robotnik cried, referring to his car. The two teams sped off to Madison Cube Garden. And it was at that location that Mordecai, Rigby, Spongebob, Squidward, Tavros, and Vriska arrived. Rigby, Spongebob, and Vriska all volunteered to do the roadblock, waiting in line and watching Mario.

Mario stood at the plate, swinging his bat and hitting the ball. The ball flew over the shortstuff and landed in the middle zone, falling into the golf hole. Fireworks appeared in the sky, and suddenly a machine gun popped out of the golf hole and shot at Mario. Although Mario jumped to avoid the bullets, he didn't notice the ball popping out of the hole, and one of the players caught it and threw it straight at Mario, getting him out.

Next, it was Pinky's turn. He hit the ball surprisingly far, and it landed straight in the hands of one of the players. Brain frowned, but Pinky ran the bases, jumping for joy.

_"In regular baseball, you don't want them catching your hits, but in blernsball, you do! It's quite simple, actually. Narf!"_ _Pinky explained in his confessional._

"Pinky, did you win?" Brain asked, unsure.

"Poik! I sure did!" Pinky exclaimed as he read the next clue.

"Make your way by taxi to Mom's Friendly Robot Factory, the pitstop for this leg of the race! Warning, last team to check in may be eliminated!"

"YES! The Pitstop!" Brain cried triumphantly. He and Pinky waved desperately for a cab, but none seemed to come. They were almost too small to be noticed!

"No!" Brain cried. "I didn't come this far to be refused by cab drivers! We've got to get their attention, Pinky!" Brain said frantically. As he and Pinky tried to hail a cab, the Bots, Robotnik, Team Rocket and the Toons all showed up. Crow, Robotnik, Jessie, and Sam all volunteered for their teams.

Rigby hit the ball, watching in amazement as it soared over his head. He quickly scampered to each base, hoping that the players wouldn't get him out. But sadly, his ball landed in the charging corner, and a giant ant appeared from the side of the stadium and bowled over Rigby while he wasn't looking. Fortunately, Rigby wasn't harmed, but he was out.

"Aw, man! Get it next time!" Mordecai said.

Next it was Vriska's turn. Getting out her dice, she slammed them on the ground, and nobody but Tavros had any idea what it meant. The pitcher threw a fast one, but she hit it effortlessly and ran to first, second, and third without any trouble. As the third baseman tried to throw the ball at her to get her out (isn't blernsball painful?) Vriska jumped over it as it whizzed behind her. It bounced off Robotnik's fat stomach and right into the hands of the pitcher, giving Vriska the point...somehow. After the players explained to her that she had won, she and Tavros went off to try and get a cab with the mice. The trolls, being larger, got one first. Vriska tried using her powers on the next one, but as she was being driven away they wore off, and Pinky and the Brain were also taken to their destination.

Meanwhile, SBaHJ and the Invaders finished roughly around the same time. Gir mashed on the gas pedal, as Sweet Bro veered his steering wheel left and right; it was now a race to see who wouldn't be last! It was very, very close (just believe me, okay?) but Zim and Gir just barely got to the Madison Cube Garden before Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff. It might have had something to do with the latter team's hijacking of a taxi and subsequent arrest, only to be bailed out by the producers.

Finally, Vriska and Tavros arrived at Mom's Friendly Robot Factory, where Mom had put on her nicest fake dress to greet the racers with a warm, false smile.

"Welcome to New New York!" she said warmly to the trolls.

"uHH, THANK YOU," Tavros said. Bill was also there to congratulate them.

"Good job, you guys! You're the first team to show up!" Bill said. The trolls cheered, and Vriska briefly kissed Tavros before realizing what a horrible and disgusting act she had performed on national television. From home, Karkat was watching and gasped.

"TEREZI! LOOK AT THIS FILTH THEY'RE PUTTING ON TV THESE DAYS! VRISKA KISSING TAVROS?!" Terezi groaned at Karkat.

"WH4T?" she asked, not understanding what Vriska had done.

Trolls: 1st, arriving at 3:34 pm

"What do we win?" Vriska asked Bill.

"Uh...a signed copy of the entire HypnoToad series, on DVD!" Bill declared. Vriska looked at suspiciously.

"Eh, okay, I guess. May8e the prizes get 8etter the more legs we do."

Pinky and the Brain also arrived at Mom's. Mom gave them the same greeting, nodding at Brain.

"Your next purchase is half-off!" she said to Brain.

"I'm not buying from you ever again! Your robots did horribly!" Brain said. Mom did her best not to rage on him.

"Pinky and, uh, the Brain, you are team number 2!"

"Egad, Brain, we're second!" he said.

Mice: 2nd, arriving at 3:37 pm

"Yes, and we'll be first at some point, I just know it!" Brain said.

Spongebob hit the ball as hard as hard as he could, and he would have made it to second if his shoes hadn't been untied.

"Aw, tartar sauce! I'll get it next time!" Spongebob said. Crow was next, and although he swung the ball right into the missile launcher, he managed to get to home before getting hit with a missle because he still had some energy left from the fuel Bender had given him. The Bots immediately drove off to Mom's.

"Welcome!" Bill said when they got there. "You are team number 3!"

"Wow! Third! I didn't think we'd make it this far!"

Bots: 3rd, arriving at 3:41 pm

"Well, as long as Roger Corman is making movies, we will keep on staying strong!" Crow said. "Wait...no, that's not a good analogy, Roger Corman's really old now."

"How about as long as Alan Hale is fat?" Servo suggested.

"That's better!" Crow agreed.

Robotnik hit the ball with such immense power that it sailed all the way over the field, giving him a homerrrun almost instantly.

"I win, I win, I win I win I win, I win!" Robotnik cried. "I must go and double my salary!" he said as he and Scratch sped off to the Pitstop.

Robotnik and Scratch arrived at the Pitstop, where Bill announced, "You are team number 4!"

Robotnik: 4th, arriving at 3:49 pm

"Ha ha-ha HA! We beat so many losers today!" Scratch cried.

"You mean, I beat so many losers today!" Robotnik corrected.

"Oh...right."

Jessie didn't do so well on her first attempt, and neither did Zim. Sweet Bro, however, did a little better when he made it bounce off of the walls at the end of the field and made it hit a player's head, giving him a boost to second. When the pitcher hit it to him from second (a special rule of blernsball being put into play here) Sweet Bro ran to third, and almost made to home, but was then caught by surprise when the bases rose up on elevated platforms, connecting to the ground via stairs. Sweet Bro tried to climb up the stairs, but ended up getting out and fell back down.

"I WARNED YOU ABOUT THE STAIRS, BRO! I TOLD YOU, DOG!" Hella Jeff yelled as Sweet Bro nursed his injured...something.

This time, Mario hit the ball far enough for it to land in that precious "safe zone", where it was surrounded by an electric fence until Mario reached third. The outfielder missed when he tried to hit at Mario, giving him the win and the clue to the pitstop. The Mario brothers drove off.

"You are team number 5!" Bill said. The Mario brothers were relieved with this placement.

Mario Bros: 5th, arriving at 3:52 pm

Rigby hit the ball again, but failed to get anywhere. Spongebob, however, held up his bat in a bunting position, and as the players scrambled for the ball, Spongebob rounded all the bases. You see, in blernsball, bunting is very respected act, and the players couldn't get Spongebob out for doing that 30 seconds after the fact. Squidward, surprised by the little yellow guy's luck/skill, drove off with him to the pitstop.

Jessie had bad luck again, and so did Gir and Sam. But Sweet Bro took a deep breath and said to himself at the plate.

"In my dreams, I am the star. It's me." He then unleashed a hideously garbled war cry and ran the bases, trying to avoid the big man chasing him down. He slid to the plate and would have skinned his knee had his red footie pajamas not been worn.

"You DID HER/IT, man! I KNEW YOU could do it!" Hella Jeff cried triumphantly.

"You are team number 6!" Bill said. SBaHJ relieved a sigh of brief.

SBaHJ: 6th, arriving at 3:55 pm

"And as the middle place winners, you get this nice trophy!" Bill declared, handing them a giant, shiny, and glistening trophy with the words "MIDDLE PLACE" inscribed on it.

Spongebob and Squidward approached just after they had. They would've come earlier, but Spongebob had gotten hungry and ate a Krabby Patty on the drive. Squidward would have been ticked off, but since there were other teams behind him he didn't mind.

"You are team number 7!" Bill announced.

Sea creatures: 7th, arriving at 4:01 pm

Back at the blernsball stadium, Rigby finally scored a homerun when one of the players got a call from his Eyephone was henceforth distracted. Gir also did well, finally concentrating his insane energies into hitting the ball, at last. The two teams made it to the pitstop.

"You are teams 8 and 9!" Bill said. Everyone relaxed, but already knowing their fate.

Regular Guys: 8th, arriving at 4:13 pm

Invaders: 9th, arriving at 4:17 pm

It was just the toons and Team Rocket left. Jessie and Sam hit the ball and each managed to make it to home. It was now down to who could get to the pitstop fastest. The racers-and even the viewers for once!-were on the edge of their seats.

"You swowpokes best make way fow the weaw wacews!" Elmer Fudd called out.

"If there's one thing I know about Slowpokes, it's that you should NEVER underestimate them!" Jessie cried. But only one team got there first.

"You are team number 10! Do a little better next time!" Bill announced to the almost-losers.

Team Rocket: 10th, arriving at 4:28 pm

"Well, somebody had to lose," said Sam. "Well, best be drivin' home, then!" he said to Elmer.

"Sowwy we didn't win," Elmer said.

Toons: Last, arriving at 4:29 pm

"Oooh, that's all right. You done good for a guy who can't catch a varmint," Sam said. "And you both did great, too!" he said to Team Rocket. "Say, you'se two wouldn't happen to be related to Jessie James, now would ya?"

"Sorry, doesn't ring a Chimecho-I mean bell!" James said, thinking of his beloved Chimecho.

Sam and Elmer left, disappointed that they had lost. But they couldn't deny that they had had fun.

_"Well, that sure was a hoot!" Sam said in his confessional. "I guess we coulda done better, but by golly, that race was tough! Tougher'n outsmart'n a rabbit, even! An' maybe if'n I work with Fudd more, we can see if we can't finally catch him..."_

_"It's good that Sam doesn't hold me wesponsible fow ouw woss," Elmer said. "That wace was twuwy amazing! Heh, heh. I bet that wabbit couldn't do it with his eyes cwosed, or even open, for that mattew!"_

**Sorry for everyone that was going for Sam and Elmer. I couldn't bare to make any of my teams depart, but one had to! It was a tough choice between them and Team Rocket, but ultimately I picked Team Rocket to stay because then there would have only been one female racer left! I'm not going to make a major casting mistake like that again if I make another season of this (which I have plans for). When I write this stuff, I usually don't plan in advance who to eliminate; the team that just so happens to show up last just ends up with this fate.**

**To clarify, "Robotnik" is Aosth (Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog) Robotnik, better known as the one who said pingas. But don't worry, he's not going to be annoying like that! At most he'll just roll his R's and acted really hammy.**

**If you're going to review, feel free to tell me if I messed up some of the character's personalities. Also, if there's a certain team you want to win, let me know who it is and why you think they should win!**

**If I get just one review, I promise I'll upload the next leg as soon as possible!**


	2. I'm no sadist, I assure you!

_Last time on the Amazing Race..._

_Teams ran drove like lunatics from Spooner, Wisconsin..._

_"THRRROW THE RRRACE! THRRROW THE RRRACE!"_

_"EEEEEEEEEEEEEHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEUUUUUUUW! WE GONNA GO REAL FAST!"_

_"I think now would be a great time to...floor it!"_

_ ...to the city of New New York, in Earthica. First, the Teams headed to the Planet Express, where they encountered the first Detour of the Race._

_"All we gotta do is deliver something and come back."_

_"Weren't you a doctor once?"_

_And late at the Race's first Roadblock, some teams struggled to learn how to play Blernsball..._

_"Aw, tartar sauce, I'll get it next time!"_

_While others had the sport down._

_"In regular baseball, you don't want them catching your hits, but in Blernsball you do! Narf!"_

_Pinky and the Brain were the first to finish the Roadblock and head for the Pitstop, but had some problems hailing a cab._

_"I didn't come this far to be refused by cab drivers!"_

_This setback allowed the Trolls, Vriska and Tavros, to steal first place from them._

_"You are team number 1!"_

_As other teams checked in, it became a tight race between Elmer Fudd and Yosemite Sam and Jessie and James to avoid elimination._

_"You swowpokes best make way for the weae wacews!"_

_"If there's one thing I know about Slowpokes, it's that you should NEVER underestimate them!"_

_And the Looney Tunes characters arrived last and were eliminated from the race._

_"Sowwy we didn't win."_

_"Oooh, that's all right. You done good for a guy who can't catch a varmint."_

_Now, 10 teams remain. Who will be eliminated next?_

The other teams stayed at the newly-renovated Oilgate hotel, where they were allowed to eat, sleep, and mingle until the next leg of the race began. They went down to dinner at the in-hotel resteuraunt after checking and packing in and all sat at the same long table, as arranged by the producers in a feeble attempt to help them "bond"...even though they would be racing to destroy each other again in 12 hours.

"Good news, James," Jessie said. "I checked the rules, and we are allowed to use whatever natural abilities or normally-used tools at our disposal. Apparently, up to 3 of our pokemon-except for Meowth, who was explicitly labelled as too sentient to qualify-can be used during the race, if necessary, during the challenges and when we're looking for where our next clue needs to be," she clarified. "But we can't use them to retrieve clues or go to the pitstop in our place, unless the production team needs to be notified of some emergency."

"Ooh! That's good news! I think I saw an Internet cafe across from here. Could you go and get me...Mime Jr., Carnivine, and Weezing?"

"Okay. I'm getting Seviper, Yanmega, and...Wobuffet," Jessie said. "Are you sure about the Pokémon you've chosen? Our next pitstop may not have a PC."

"...I'm sure," James decided. "I think that Mime Jr. and Carnivine, rambunctious as they are, might be of some use at slowing people down."

"I don't know if we can do that," Jessie warned. James gave her an odd look.

"Why not? The troll girl used tried to use her powers on the mice. They didn't give her a penalty, otherwise they probably wouldn't have won!"

"Hmm. Vriska just opened up the floodgates to determine just how flexible the rules are," Jessie mused.

_"Since Vriska apparently helped us out, albeit indirectly, I think a proper reward is in order, and it'll be better than having the complete series of some Croagunk rip-off on DVD!"_

_"Why is Jessie now showing how good she can be at strategizing, during the race? I mean, why is it that we can consider an alliance, but can't capture a Pikachu?" James asked. "Is it because Meowth isn't with us? Has he been holding us back? Oh, wait...Meowth, you're probably hearing this, aren't you! I didn't mean it!"_

Jessie approached Vriska at the table, knowing just how she could get an alliance going.

"Hey, could you talk with me for a second? Alone?" she said, eyeing Tavros as the trolls munched on Poopsnaggle thighs. They're tastier than they sound.

"Uh, why? I don't know how you do things on your planet, 8ut on Alternia you...usually have to have a good reason for interrupting someone's meal!" she said.

"We're on Earthica!" Jessie said, trying to contain her frustration. But Vriska could see it.

"Oh, what the heck! Listen, brain-mouse!" Vriska said to the Brain.

"It's 'the Brain'," he corrected her.

"Whatever! Don't let Tavros eat all of my thighs!" Vriska said. "Wow, that came out wrong!" the two girls then went into a booth, a little ways off from the others.

"Since we're the only girls in this race, how about we team up?" Jessie asked sweetly. "We can show those boys that it isn't appropriate to call us the fairer sex!" Vriska chuckled.

"Yeah, sorry, gender doesn't mean much where I come from, 8ut that appeal was pro8a8ly sincere," Vriska said. But then she added, "Or was it?" Jessie's expression grew serious.

"Okay, I guess I'll spill it," she said. "Since I almost got eliminated, I've been considering having another team back me up. I wanted to play on their sympathies."

"Tough luck! You should have asked Tavros!" Vriska said, laughing. Jessie scowled, remembering her life as a poor girl in an orphanage with no mother. Despite the hardships she faced in her poverty, she never once begged, not for anything. She was not going to start now by begging for an alliance.

"Look, James deduced what happened at the beginning of the race, when you tried to brainwash Brain. That's cheating, and I can report you to the producers and possibly have you disqualified. Unless you help me and James prop ourselves up after nearly going home."

"Really, 8lackmail?" Vriska said, trying to maintain a calm face. Although there was a chance that the producers wouldn't do anything, much less care, there was also a good chance that they would disqualify her. But why would a girl who had all the luck in the universe be worried? And besides, her plan didn't even work! Brain wasn't effected at all! Otherwise, he would have just veered off predictably!

"...Okay, madame 8lackmail! One leg. That's it. I'm not w8ing for you, 8ut I will tell you what's up ahead, as long as I'm ahead of you. If you should somehow pass me-which you definately won't-then you better do the same!"

"Deal! And after this next leg, it'll be off, just like you want it!" Jessie said, heading back to the table. Vriska followed her silently. Throughout the rest of the meal, Jessie eyed her and Brain.

Despite the tensions, most of the teams managed to be in fairly high spirits during the meal. Even the Bots, who couldn't actually eat anything (or needed to) were wise-cracking with the other teams.

"aND THEN SHE SAID, I WAS SEXY, AND I STILL DON'T KNOW WHO SHE WAS," Tavros said, relating an incident at a convention in which a fangirl ogled him disconcertingly.

"Yeah, I mean, I guess you'd be sexy to a cow, or something!" Servo said.

"HI, COW!" Gir said, waving to Tavros. Tavros waved back.

"He's real nice!" Gir remarked to Zim.

He then turned to Hella Jeff, who was wolfing down the mustard bottle, "Hey, Hella Jeff, I think I just found your soulmate!"

"YOU DID?! Is it the SPUNGE with the choice wholes?" Spongebob giggled, and Squidward groaned.

"Oh, lighten up, Squidward! Don't be such a dickface! Oh, wait..." Crow remarked.

"Are YOU thinking what IMPOUNDering?" Sweet Bro asked Pinky.

"I think so! I mean, how can you have a cannon strapped to your head?" Pinky asked. Sweet Bro shook his head.

"No, you dumb homo tool! I meant...ARE you next?" he asked quizzically. Turning to James, he said it again: "Are YOU next?" and again to Luigi. "Are you NEXT? UNO, to loose the race!"

"Of course not! Jessie and I won't be losing so easily!" James vowed.

"Eh...I a-don't think so," Luigi replied.

"Dumb homo tool? I need to write that one down," Brain said. "Do we still have paper and pencils in this alleged future society?" he asked a waiter.

"Oh, speaking of time, Rigby and I once went to the 80s'!" Mordecai boasted. "It was actually an accident."

"You went to the 80s'? Did you see us, cause' we were there! Well, up in space for the last 2 years of it, but yeah, we were there, smoking crack and voting for Reagan!" Servo replied.

"I never actually went in time, but I did send piggies through it!" Zim chimed in. "Oh, but it had nothing to do with destroying Dib!"

"I went through time, too!" Squidward said. "I went to the future, and then the past, and then...well, I'm not really sure where I went."

"I a-went through time as well!" Mario said. "But I don't really remember much, and a-neither do my fans."

"I also had horrrendous time travel experiences trying to get the Chaos Emeralds! What about you?" Robotnik asked Tavros. Tavros turned to Vriska.

"hEY, DON'T YOU KNOW, A LITTLE BIT ABOUT TIMELINES, AND STUFF? dO YOU THINK, YOU COULD TELL US ALL, HOW IT WORKS?" Tavros asked. Vriska, too busy focused on Jessie's movements and actions, wasn't interested in answering.

"Uh, yeah! Time shenanigans, not 8ig on it," Vriska replied hastily as everyone finished their food. In the corner of her eye, she could see Jessie whispering to Brain.

Everyone quickly went to sleep, except for the Bots, who stayed up to rent Gigantis, the Fire Monster (complete with Ah! Banana Oil!) on pay-per-view. Vriska worried about Jessie's blackmailing, Brain stayed up most of the night scheming and strategizing, Tavros and Pinky dreamed pleasantly, the Bots simply waited around watching movies until it was their turn to go, Robotnik slept while excercising his pingas, the Mario Bros. slept soundly, SBaHJ had a silly pillow fight before collapsing on the floor of their room, Mordecai blamed Rigby for the placement from first to 8th, Zim attempted to contact the Tallest and give them a report on Earthica, and Jessie, like all the other teams before her, made sure to set her alarm for 30 minutes before they were scheduled to leave so that they could get ready in time.

Trolls: 3:34 am

Mice: 3:37 am

Bots: 3:41 am

Robotnik: 3:45 am

Mario Bros: 3:52 am

SBaHJ: 3:55 am

Sea creatures: 4:01 am

Regular guys: 4:13 am

Invaders: 4:17 am

Team Rocket: 4:28 am

Vriska shot up from her bed, suddenly awake. Tavros was already awake and putting on his metal legs for the day. Vriska nearly burst out the door, but her partner stopped her.

"dON'T WORRY, IT'S ONLY, 3:05, I CHECKED," Tavros explained. Vriska breathed a sigh of relief and went to the bathroom to brush her hair, which had become horribly tangled overnight.

_"Coming in first was gr8, and I'm gonna do all I can not to worry a8out threats from jealous losers! Jessie doesn't have a chance of even passing me in this leg!" Vriska said in her confessional._

_"cOMING IN FIRST, WAS REALLY AWESOME, BUT I'VE NOTICED THAT VRISKA, IS STARTING TO FEEL, A LITTLE ANXIOUS," Tavros said in his confessional. "i THINK THAT, SHE IS WORRIED, ABOUT TEAM ROCKET AND THE MICE, ESPECIALLY, BUT I'M NOT SURE, WHY."_

The mice were the next group to wake up. Seeing as they were simply mice and didn't wear clothes, they simply ate a few food pellets, drank a little water, and waited for their departure time to arrive.

"Gee, Brain, where do you think the next leg will take us?" Pinky asked him.

"I read you the clue right before you went to bed. Did it already slip out of your feeble-handed memory?" Brain asked impatiently.

"Brain, I don't think my memory has any hands," Pinky said sheepishly. "Does yours?"

"You won't have any hands at all if you don't keep silent as I read you the clue...again!" Brain said. "Go to the New NewYork airport and book a flight for Airstrip One! Next, go to Paddington Station, where you will find your next clue."

"Narf...I've always wanted to go see Big Brother, Brain!" Pinky cried. "Is it true that he's always watching you, no matter where you are?"

"Yes, Pinky, but by doing so he gives aspiring conquerors the example to follow, if they wish to take over the world in his stead," Brain replied, rubbing his hands together deviously.

_"Airstrip One is exactly the way the world will look as soon as I take it over," Brain said in his confessional. "A world in which every man, woman, and child is watched, obeying my every whim...or punished when found doing otherwise."_

_"Poit! Brain always loved reading about Airstrip One! We're both really excited to be going!" Pinky said. "I tried reading 1984, but it was so long and boring and confusing that I couldn't really grasp it. Oh, well, it doesn't matter now because now we're going to see the place for ourselves! Zort!"_

"Hey, Crow, we're going to Airstrip One!" Servo cried. "I heard that they're stuck in the year 1984!"

"Oh, great, now we'll have to spend the entire race hearing about crack, AIDS, urban crime, the election and the Olympics, and we probably aren't allowed to spoil it for everybody! That sucks!" Crow cried.

"_I wasn't around for 1984, but from what Joel said about it, it sounds awful!" Crow complained. "I mean, probably not as bad as 1985, but still, I've heard terrible things about the year 1984! I mean, look what it did to Mike!"_

_"I think Crow's got it all wrong," Servo said in his confessional. "1984 was probably a great year, filled with hope and happiness for a better tomorrow, and people striving to make the years afterward better than those before it. Then again, you could say that about every year except for 2000."_

Servo then turned to the camera crew. "Okay, I made my obligatory Bush-bashing joke, just like you asked. Now where's the movie?" The cameramen nodded to one another and gave Servo a copy of Invasion of Astro Monster.

"Yay! Now we get to see all the hand-motions!" Servo cried joyfully.

Scratch drank a few cups of oil as Robotnik sang to himself in the shower.

"Someone's in the shower with Robotnik, someone's in the shower with Ro-bot-nik!" he crooned, then realized what he was saying. "Eh, what was I saying again? Oh, never mind!" he said, opening the bathroom door and strutting out without a towel. The camera crews quickly shifted to a shot of the hotel room wall.

"Uh, your pingasness-I mean, your pompousness, could you put some clothes on?" Scratch asked. Robotnik rrrolled his eyes.

"Fine! But only because we have to go very soon!" he said. "Scratch, rrread me the clue! Rrrread me the clue!" he said as he put on his skin-tight outfit with very little difficulty.

"Make your way to the New New York Airport, and book a flight to London, in Airstrip One. The next clue is at Paddington Station," Scratch said.

"Doh-ho, weee!" Robotnik cried happily as he put on his boots. "It's been so long since I visited London, and I've always wanted to see the Party up close! time I saw him! I do hope to see him agayn! But he always said I had to stop being so loud! I wonder what he meant by that."

"Uh, I think he wanted you to shut up, your greatness," Scratch replied. Robotnik beat Scratch on the head for saying that, just as the camera crews were focusing back on the team.

"_Dr. Robotnik's not that bad! Really!" Scratch said in his confessional. "I just wish he didn't hit me and Grounder so much!"_

_"I have every rrright to hit Scrratch!" Robotnik declared. "If he and Grounder are going to smart-alecky, or even just plain smart, they will both pay the price!"_

Mario and Luigi were quickly out the door and ready to go, having shared a room as kids and used to each other's company.

"_We were in a-first for a while there," Mario said in his confessional. "But then we a-fell behind, all because I was a little careless and unlucky! Just goes to show you, this race can a-change in heartbeat."_

_"I hope Mario's not a-too down on himself for getting us from first to a-fifth," Luigi said. "I mean, the trolls were a-on the slowest flight, but they a-still won anyway!"_

"DUDE, we have to REDDY get GOW!" Hella Jeff cried to a lump of blankets that he thought was Sweet Bro. But Sweet Bro was already right behind.

"uh...dude..."

"FMOG! You SCARRED ME!" Hella Jeff cried, trying to contain his lolfter.

"Sorry, oh wade, I'm not!" Sweet Bro replied, he-hee-heeing as they headed out of their hotel room after getting ready, which was basically just making sure their footy pajamas they wore 24/7 were comfortable. Their shitty JPG bodies were too simple to need gVROOMING of any kind.

Squidward woke up after Spongebob yelled at him. "ORDER UP, SQUIIIIIIIDWAAAAAARD!" he cried, ringing a bell meant to summon room service.

"Spongebob! Stop-oh, no wait, thank you," Squidward said as he took the Breakfast Patty from Spongebob. The Breakfast Patty was a brief promotional stunt in which Mr. Krabs tried getting the Krusty Krab a breakfast menu, with the item in question being just a Krabby Patty between biscuits. It was discontinued because Squidward couldn't get up early enough in the morning to get to work in time for the breakfast menu, and Mr. Krabs was too cheap to hire new employees to work the breakfast shift.

"You ready to race, Squiddy?" Spongebob asked warmly. Squidward got out of bed and groaned.

"You just cost me my beauty sleep, but if we can pull ourselves up out of this race that won't matter!" Squidward said.

"It's not about winning; it's about fun!" Spongebob said. Squidward sighed.

"What could you possibly know about fun?" Squidward asked. Spongebob took a deep breath and was about to sing, but Squidward placed a hand over his mouth and shut him up.

"We don't have time for that. We've got a race to try and win!"

"_Spongebob was nice to give me breakfast this morning, but I don't know if I'll be able to stand much longer with him," Squidward said. "Any minute now I'm going to snap. I just hope it happens between legs."_

_"I'm sure that Squidward can help us win this race. Don't tell him this, but there was a reason I picked him instead of Patrick," Spongebob said. "I know that Squidward doesn't want to be friends with me, but I feel like this race can change that. Maybe one day, when I laugh really loudly at work, he'll just start laughing, too. That's all I want...well, that, and a life-time supply of bubble soap, which I can get with the prize money! Oh, and a new spatula. Oh, and a shell-painting kit to paint Gary's shell. And..."_

"Hey, Mordecai?" Rigby asked as they went out the door of their hotel room after reading their clue.

"Yeah?" Mordecai asked.

"Sorry about screwing up at blernsball. It was kinda tough, and because of me we went from first to eighth. I could've cost us the race," Rigby said.

"It's cool," Mordecai replied. "Since there are a bunch of teams right now, we kinda have some room to make mistakes before it gets serious."

"Yeah, I know, but...still, I'm kinda bummed about this," Rigby said.

"Hey, you did better than Muscleman would've! He would've just insulted his mom a bunch of times and lost because he can't run!"

"Heh heh. Yeah, he would've done that!" Rigby said, laughing.

"_I gotta make it up to Mordecai somehow. Maybe do all the stuff Benson makes him do after I get back? Nah, I'd be too lazy. Oh, I know, I'll do the next roadblock and try to do better, no matter what it is!" Rigby declared in his confessional._

"Gir, load up the anti-matter ray!" Zim cried. Gir did so, packing into Zim's bag a gun that probably wouldn't get through airport security. Although Zim kept calling it the anti-matter ray, it was really just a phaser he stole from one of the hotel security staff.

"OKAY-DOKEY!" Gir replied, putting on his dog costume as Zim put on his eyes and hairpiece.

"Now, Gir, your FAILURE during the previous leg virtually demands that I give you some sort of...punishment. What would be a suitable punishment for you?" Zim asked aloud. "Ah ha ha ha HA! No more tacos for a week!"

"What...not even...?"

"Nope, not even Paco's Tacos, even though I heard the chain is quite popular in this city."

"...WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOHHHHHAAAAAAAA-OKAY!"

Zim breathed a sigh of relief.

_"What did I do wrong? I tried my best..." Gir whimpered. "Maybe it's not me at all."_

_"Obviously, Gir's HORRIBLE PLAYING SKILLS have reflected poorly on our team. And despite my...hng...hng...INCREDIBLE KNOWLEDGE of organs, my surgical skills were...not adequate. WHAT ARE WE DOING WRONG?!" Zim cried. "My temporary solution for the time being is to blame Gir, but later on I shall select a team to blame for all of my troubles. But until then...GIR! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!"_

"Jessie? How long have you been awake?" James asked as he yawned and climbed out of bed.

"Three hours," she replied, sipping a cup of coffee. "It's about time to go. Get ready and help us stop losing"

"We technically didn't lose, Jessie," James replied. "Elmer and Sam did." At this, Jessie's head inflated again as she yelled at James.

"YES, BUT WE'RE IN LAST NOW, AND WE MIGHT AS WELL LOSE UNLESS WE PICK UP SPEED AND NOT SCREW UP!" she cried.

"YEAH, IT'S ABOUT TIME, JAMES!" Karkat randomly yelled at the screen as he watched comfortably in his hive.

The racers all traveled to the airport safely and waited for it to open, and it finally did so at 7:30 am. Flights soon opened up, and all of them had been approved by the producers to get. This time, however, the teams were all on their own in terms of getting a flight, and as such had to think for themselves.

Zim and Gir approached a flight attendant at Dimensional airlines.

"You! Flight person! Give us tickets to Airstrip One!" Zim ordered.

"We don't have any flights scheduled for that area's London," the flight attendant explained calmly.

"Oh. Well, then...bye!" Zim dashed off with Gir, whose dog costume was beginning to fall off. The next flight they tried was Galaxia Airlines, which had a flight departing at 8:25 and arriving at 10:36.

"We'll take it, then!" Zim said.

"What about the other flights?" Gir asked sweetly.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Zim yelled, indicating that he had no intention of backing out now. Mordecai and Rigby saw Zim and also went to the Galaxia airlines.

"Let's hope this is a good flight!" Rigby said to Mordecai.

"It should be. There was only one other one, for some reason. You'd think there'd be more, but I guess not."

"Who cares? Let's just head to the gate!" Rigby snapped.

Vriska and Tavros, meanwhile, approached the counter for White Hole shuttles and asked for a flight to London, Airstrip One.

"We only have one flight there today," the flight attendant replied. "It departs here at 8:30 and arrives at 10:28. However, if you would like a flight to a different London on a more...fortunate Earth, I-"

"Nope! This is the London we want!" Vriska said hastily, accepting the tickets.

"No, Pinky!" Brain cried, shoving Pinky to the ground just as he was about to ask for tickets from Dimensional airlines.

"Whadya do that for, Brain? Poit!"

"You're asking tickets for the wrong London!" Brain cried. "The London that the Dimensional flight goes on takes you to the one seen in A Clockwork Orange!"

"But I like oranges, Brain!" Pinky protested. Brian slapped his palm to his face, thus giving himself a facepalm.

_"Pinky needs to stay focused!" Brain said in his confessional. "His stupidity could cost us the race at some point!"_

Brain looked around frantically before seeing the White Hole shuttles counter, noticing that Vriska and Tavros had taken tickets from it. Brain approached when they left.

"Pinky and I will have what they're having," Brain said, taking the tickets.

Team Rocket, meanwhile, relaxed in the store of the airport and bought a map of Airstrip One while their pokemon searched for a flight. Yanmega hovered around the airport, its compound eyes watching all the other teams get flights, observing the flight times. Finally, Yanmega saw the flight time for White Hole shuttles and reported back to Jessie.

"James, we're going to White Hole shuttles for our flight!" Jessie declared. James followed her and sent his pokemon back in their balls, much to the dismay of Carnivine.

_"We won't make the mistake of being hasty with flights again!" Jessie said in her confessional. "Having the teams go to airports before they open, so that everyone is equalized again, is very common in this race, I hear."_

Mario and Lugi split up upon realizing that there were only two flights to London, which had been explained to them when they had asked around at the information desk at the front of the airport. They met back up and agreed to go on White Hole shuttles, having looked at both flights.

"_Luigi and I have a-decided that we'll split up at airports when we have a-time, then meet back up at an established place and a-see which one arrives first," Mario said in his confessional. "I a-think it will be a-very convenient, until the other teams start a-catching on, which they probably will."_

Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff wandered around the airport, hoping to stick together in case things got TOO HOT TO HANDEL, which was often.

"HAY! I think that GaLAX-SEE-YA and White HULL are ARE only opshuns, and Wyte Hoe is FATster," Hella Jeff said to Sweet Bro. But Sweet Bro shook his head.

"No man, screw TIME. It's too much of LIBIBAREL publication anyway," Sweet Bro said. "We are going to Galaxia because the ticket-giver babe is a very choice babe!"

"BUTT...BUTT..." Hella Jeff protested in vain. They couldn't see much of her from behind the counter, but a man in footie pajamas just always knows when he sees an attractive woman.

"No, you PEE-VERT, don't go around to see that!" Sweet Bro said. "You must ressissist it. We can't have things becoming TOO HOT TO HANDEL."

_"I tried to tell Sweet Bro that that was the BAD flight, but he wouldn't LISSEN!" Hella Jeff moaned. "If only we had been DISTACTED by that choice fee-male."_

Robotnik strrrode up to the counter of Galaxia airlines and demanded a flight.

"This leg of the race should be quite easy, as long as you keep your beak shut and do what I say!" Robotnik ordered Scratch.

"Okay, your deviantness," Scratch replied. For answering, he received a prompt whack on the head.

"What did I say about keeping your beak shut?!" Robotnik cried.

"You already said that," Scratch said. Robotnik leaned in close, his face pressing against Scratch's.

"THEN ALLOW ME TO REPEAT MYSELF, YET AGAIN! KEEP YOUR BEAK SHUT!" Robotnik cried.

_"Scratch has been nothing but a bumbling buffoon during this race!" Robotnik said. "If he doesn't shape up soon, we'll be as slow as M.U.D.!"_

The Bots quickly booked a flight with Galaxia, hoping to get this leg of the race over with as soon as possible.

"If we're good, we can get through this leg faster than it took the director of Monster-a-go-go to come with a resolution for his movie!" Crow said.

Finally, Spongebob and Squidward booked a flight to with no trouble.

"Let's hope we can do better than last time!" Spongebob said hopefully.

"What's wrong with losing and having to go home now?" Squidward asked. Spongebob ignored him.

Regular Guys: First on White Hole

Trolls: Second on White Hole

Mice: Third on White Hole

Team Rocket: Fourth on White Hole

Mario Bros: Last on White Hole

Invaders: First on Galaxia

SBaHJ: Second on Galaxia

Robotnik: Third on Galaxia

Bots: Fourth on Galaxia

Sea Creatures: Last on Galaxia

Both flights arrived safely to London, Capitol City of Airstrip One, in the superstate of Oceania. The entire country, spanning multiple oceans and continents, was a land of peace and of plenty. A land of harmony and hope. The people of this great land-the workers, the strivers, the builders-were the builders of the very world, struggling, fighting, bleeding, and dying both on the streets of their cities and on the far-flung battlefields, fighting against those that would defeat their hopes and dreams. Who were they? They were the dark armies, the dark, murdering armies of Eurasia. In the barren deserts of Africa and Asia, and in the seas around Australasia, courage, strength and youth were sacrificed, sacrificed to barbarians whose only honor is atrocity. But as they grasp at victory, there is a cancer, an evil tumor, growing and spreading in their midst. Shout, shout, shout out his name!

**GOLDSTEIN! GOLDSTEIN! DEATH, TRAITOR! DEATH! DEATH! TRAITOR! TRAITOR! DEEEEEEEEEATH! DEATH TO GOLDSTEIN, THE TRAITOR! DEATH, DEATH TO GOLDSTEIN THE TRAITOR! GOLDSTEIN MUST DIE! TRAITOR! TRAITOR! DEATH! DEATH! TRAITOR! DEATH! TRAITOR! DEATH! TRAITOR! YAH! YAAAH! YAAAAAAH! YAAAAAAAAAAH!**

**NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-**but it was all right, everything was all right. 2 gin-scented tears went down every viewer's nose, even Karkat's. They had won the battles against themselves. They loved Big Brother.

"I-I LOVE YOU," Karkat said breathlessly. But then the camera but back to the racers, and he was left feeling bewildered. "WAIT, WHAT DID I JUST SAY?"

The first plane from White Hole shuttles, carrying Mordecai, Rigby, the Trolls, Pinky and the Brain, Team Rocket and the Mario Bros landed as scheduled. Each team quickly scrambled to find taxis to take them to their first clue.

"Could you take us to Paddington Station?" Mordecai asked the cab driver.

"Why, certainly, comerade! I know this city very well!" said the driver, who was apparently a prole. But none of the teams-save Brain-were fully aware of the caste system in Oceania.

"Good. We'll pay you!" Mordecai promised as they drove through the streets of Oceania.

Regular Guys: currently in First

The Mario Bros were next to find a cab, and also ordered it to go to Paddington Station. While they were in the cab, Luigi asked, "Mario, this place seems a-kinda dangerous. I mean, look out a-the window! The whole a-city looks like it was destroyed, or something, and everybody kinda lives in a-ruins."

"Shh. I know. I think that's just how things are here. Be a-respectful, and just keep a-racing," Mario whispered in reply. The cab driver laughed.

"It's a good thing you're obviously not locals, otherwise I'd probably have to report you to the Thought Police!"

"The...the Thought a-Police?" Luigi asked nervously. As the cab driver explained who they were, his eyes widened with fear.

"Oh no!" he cried, cowering the seat of the taxi.

"_I a-hope Luigi isn't too afraid of this place in order to race," Mario said. "I know that a-Princess Peach wouldn't stand for this sort of living standard that these a-people live in, but they a-don't seem to mind at all. Why is that?" Mario wondered._

Pinky and the Brain also managed to hail a cab and followed the others.

"Gee, Brain, what sort of things do you think they'll make us do?" Pinky asked. Brain thought for a moment. Then he replied:

"Whatever it is, Pinky, I believe you should do the next Roadblock. After all, you did so well on the first one," Brain reasoned.

"Okay. Zort! But sooner or later your going to have to do your fair share as well!" Pinky reminded him.

"I'm sure this race will present us with obstacles suitable for me," Brain reassured.

_"I reread 1984, to try and see how this will play out, and what they'll make us do," Brain explained. "If a roadblock comes up, it will probably have something to do with being tortured, and immunity to torture is Pinky's specialty."_

Jessie and James, making sure their pokemon were safe in their pokeballs, quickly found a taxi.

"Paddington Station, please," James asked politely. The cab driver only nodded.

Vriska and Tavros were the last in their group to catch a taxi. As theirs was about to cross through Victory Street, a trumpet was suddenly heard from nearby. Before the taxi could go, hundreds of jubilant proles, Party members, and Oceanic troops appeared in front of them, all heralding the arrival of the much more miserable-looking war prisoners, which were Eurasian, as they always had been. Vriska groaned.

"Hurry and go around these guys!" Vriska said.

"I'm afraid I can't back up, comerade!" her driver said. "There's too much traffic behind us, and the parade is likely to cut through the entire city! It would take such a long time to find a way around that I think it woud be best to stay put! Besides, this parade will be a very nice experience for you tourists!"

Vriska sighed and gave some money to the cab driver, then got out. Tavros followed her.

"aRE YOU SURE, THAT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA, TO LEAVE HIM, WHEN WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CITY?" Tavros asked.

"We had to do it!" Vriska argued. "That is totally a set-up, anyway! Does every8ody in this race just think I'm too dangerous and out to get me?!"

"_Getting 8locked 8y those stupid idiots was SO annoying!" Vriska cried. "They did that on purpose...somehow. Not really sure how, 8ut I think there's a reason that ca8 driver couldn't get us around some other way, and Jessie pro8a8ly had something to do with it!"_

_"i THINK THAT, SOMEBODY ON THE OTHER TEAMS, MIGHT BE AFTER VRISKA, AND I THINK I KNOW, WHO IT IS. bUT, THERE'S NOTHING, THAT WE CAN DO, ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW."_

And so the trolls ran right through the parade, just as the prisoners were being presented. Vriska burst through the crowd on the other side of the street, but when she turned around Tavros wasn't with her. She jumped on top of the float containing the prisoners, landing squarely on their cage. The people waved at her as she searched for Tavros, thinking that she was just getting in on the fun. She finally saw Tavros slip out of the crowd, trying to explore the same street she had emerged into earlier. Vriska jumped off the float and landed on the ground, catching up to Tavros. Tavros didn't know she was there until he felt a hand grasp his.

"oH, THERE YOU ARE," he said with relief. "i THOUGHT, THAT I HAD LOST YOU."

"Me too. Let's just get through this street! We might 8e heading the right way, and we'll just ask for directions when we need to! We are so not out of this yet!" she cried, grabbing Tavros by the hand and running down the much more empty street.

Meanwhile, in the second plane, the teams were excited when they heard the news that their plane would be landing in 8 minutes. Everybody was getting their luggage ready, making last minute trips to the bathroom, getting turned on by a refueling scene, or just waiting. Except for Robotnik, who lazily opened his eyes just as he saw a black object zooming towards the wing he was sitting on. He screamed in typical Robotnik fashion, and everyone gasped and panicked when they saw what he was pointing at: a rocket bomb was headed straight for the plane!

"I thought they had a RULE about KNOW TERRORISTS!" Sweet Bro said nervously.

"It's not terrorists, it's just bad timing!" Crow cried. The producers than scrambled to edit out Crow and Sweet Bro's comments, and to this day they remained unaired.

"I never thought I'd go out this way!" Servo cried. "I always thought it would be through being short-circuited by a puddle, or being poisoned by my political enemies and set up to look like an accident, or just dying from exhaustion while singing!"

"Well, this is the end," Squidward said casually.

"You know, if we're going to die right now, in some sort of fiery explosion, well, that would just be okay, because at least we'd be together," Spongebob said. The producers again scrambled to edit out more comments from the racers.

"Eh, is this a normal thing?" Zim asked a passenger beside him, an enourmous woman with wispy white hair and great tumbling breasts.

"Oh, yah, dearie, it usually happens to every other plane," she said. "But don't worry, they always explode at a safe distance!" Just as she said this, the rocket bomb exploded safely at a distance, and everyone breathed a sigh of relief. But from underneath the woman came a squeaking noise:

"mmmph! mmmmmmmmmmpth!" The woman got up, realizing that she had accidentally sat on Gir.

"Oh, pardon me, dearie, I wouldn't a sat on ya, but the buggers put me there. They don't know how to treat a lady," she said as she burped. "Pardon me, I ain't feeling like meself." She then threw up right on Gir, who happily wallowed in her vomit. The producers did their best to edit out this scene as well, eventually deciding to just not air anything that had happened in the second plane. Eventually, the teams arrived on Earth safely.

Zim, after hailing a cab, looked at the city with wonder and amazement.

"This is exactly the kind of world that the Tallest would have turned Earth into, had those human scum-things not bought my candy!" Zim said to Gir.

"This place seems real nice!" Gir cried as he watched a rocket bomb sail high above their heads.

"_Indeed, Airstrip One is very grand!" Zim declared. "If there wasn't already a ruler firmly in place, these pathetic people would be bowing before me! Although from what I've heard, overthrowing this 'Big' Brother is very difficult and should not be attempted. NONSENSE! But I will make no attempt because I am in a race!"_

Robotnik looked around him at the ruined London, knowing that although it was still London, it had changed so much from the way he had remembered it.

"This is not the London I knew," he said sadly. Scratch then tapped him on the back.

"HOW DARE YOU INTERRUPT ME WHEN I'M TRYING TO RRRREMINESCE?!" he demanded.

"Sorry, your sadness, it's just that our cab is here! I loaded all our stuff!" Scratch boasted. Robotnik followed him to the cab, and after squeezing his fat body in the taxi they were off.

_"I suppose this place really decayed after Churchill lost the election," Robotnik said in his confessional. "No matter. Perhaps one day I shall rrule this place and make it my opulent abode."_

SBaHJ, the Sea Creatures, and the Bots managed to get cabs with little trouble at all. But all of the teams that had been on the second plane were blocked by the Victory parade.

"GO ARRRROUND! GO ARRRROUND!" Robotnik cried in anger.

"Gir, we're leaving! I'll simply climb to the top of a building and use my hng...hng..."

"You already did that joke!" Gir reminded him.

"Eh? Oh. I guess we could just wait then. No, wait, I've got an idea!"

"Dude..." Hella Jeff began.

"Yeah..." Sweet Bro asked, assuming that Hella Jeff would suggest to leave.

"I managered to snuggle some NACHOS out of the plane. We can enjoy MAD SNACKS while we wait, YO!"

"SWEET, BRO!" Sweet Bro said triumphantly. The cab driver, a fat man that believed he was athletic, shrugged.

"Oh, I suppose it's only snacks. Pretty smart nippers, for bringing that along!" Mr. Parsons said. "Either of you two lads wish to join the Spies?"

"Oh, we already do enuff of THAT," Hella Jeff replied, snickering. In truth, they failed at espionage.

"I'm waiting, I'm waiting, I'm waiting!" Spongebob chanted.

"Spongebob, shut up! That's going to give me a headache if you keep that up!" Squidward cried. Spongebob sniffled, then suddenly whined really loudly, like he would post Season 3. Squidward groaned, but then Spongebob laughed when Squidward had fallen for it.

"I'm fine, Squidward! I just pretended to get upset, just for a little fun! I didn't mean to bother you." But Squidward was already sobbing uncontrollably as Spongebob had done, but it was more realistic and less annoying.

"Wow, Squidward, you're even better at fake-crying than I am!"

"I'm not faking it."

"So, how long is this gonna be, Yucca Flats length, Women's wrestling length, or Atlas Shrugged length?" Servo asked the driver. He shrugged.

"We gotta get out of here, Servo, otherwise we'll be stuck here worse than...than Mike on the Satellite of Love!" Crow cried. Servo then turned to the camera and said:

"Look familiar, Mike?"

The trolls wandered through the decrepit streets of London, asking for directions to Paddington Station. They observed the broken glass in the streets, the dirty clothes of the people, the stench of the flats and the pubs, and most of all the ignorance of the proles' own suffering.

"Huh. This place is like if Alternia, only much farther 8ehind!" Vriska remarked. "Thank Jegus we were hatched in a much 8etter society than this piece of crap place!" Tavros said nothing, concious of the sounds his metal legs made on the ruined pavement.

"Rocket bombs really got yeh, eh?" an old woman asked him.

"uHH, NO, I DON'T KNOW, WHAT THAT IS. mY GIRLFRIEND, PUSHED ME OFF A CLIFF, AND THAT'S WHY, I HAVE THESE, METAL LEGS, AND BEFORE, I WAS IN, A WHEELCHAIR."

"Huh. Just like old Roosevelt," the woman remarked.

"wHO IS, ROOSEVELT?" Tavros asked. The old woman laughed, not believing that anyone could not know who he was.

"Don't really remember," she replied. "Just that he couldn't walk. Polio. Got my daughter, too, many a year ago."

"i'M SORRY, THAT HAPPENED," Tavros said. He continued along the street as the old woman meandered off somewhere else. He went to the side of the street when he saw a truck coming from the opposite direction. It was apparently stacked to the brim with small chocolate bars, and the proles all scrambled to grab some. One little boy took 3, one for himself, his mother, and his sister, who were waiting from a distance. But when it was the little girl's turn to receive her chocolate, the boy took hers with his own and ran off down the street towards Tavros. Seeing all of this, he stopped the boy by lowering his horns, causing the boy to become frightened, drop his chocolate, and return to his family empty-handed. Tavros picked up the chocolate bars and walked calmly over to the family, handing the chocolate bars to the respective children.

"iT'S NOT NICE, TO TAKE THINGS, THAT AREN'T YOURS, AND BE GREEDY," Tavros said to the little boy. "i'M SORRY, IF I SCARED YOU; IT WAS THE ONLY WAY, TO GET YOU, TO STOP." The little boy said nothing but smiled as Tavros smiled back at him. The little girl hugged Tavros, but she could only reach up to his legs. The little girl went back inside her house as Tavros was thanked by her mother and set off, but before he could join Vriska the little girl gave him a ragged light brown blanket. Tavros smiled and accepted the gift, noting that it was his blood color.

_"i DON'T KNOW WHY, I DID THAT. i GUESS, I JUST FELT SORRY, FOR THEM. iT MUST BE AWFUL, TO LIVE IN OCEANIA, AND I THINK I GOT TO SEE, A SIDE OF IT, THAT THE PARTY, DOESN'T WANT ANYONE TO SEE, AND IT'S NOT, A GOOD SIDE."_

He hurried to join Vriska, who had a pretty good idea in her head of where Paddington Station was by this point.

"Tavros! Why did you stop to help some strangers? That could have slowed us down!" she cried. "You're lucky I was picking up the slack and got a map to Paddington Station from some old pawn shop!"

"sORRY. i JUST WANTED, TO HELP THESE PEOPLE, IN A SMALL WAY," Tavros replied.

"Whatever. Just don't 8e a Toreadoofus again!" Vriska replied as they headed off, not far from Paddington Station.

The first team to arrive at the aforementioned location were Mordecai and Rigby.

"Roadblock," Rigby read. "'Who is ready to have their loyalty tested?' I'm doing it, period," Rigby said.

"Why? It could be something really crazy. I mean, look at this place! There's no telling what they could do."

"I don't care. I have to do it, to make up for the way I nearly cost us in Blurnsball," Rigby replied firmly. He read the rest of the clue, and gulped.

_Teams must now travel to the Ministry of Love, where the volunteer for this Roadblock will be tortured by an Inner Party member. After withstanding torture and attempts at being brainwashed, the volunteer must face their greatest fear for five minutes in Room 101. If they feel that any of this is too much for them, they can immediately have the other team member perform the Roadblock instead. The second volunteer is not allowed to switch back to the first and must endure the torture, which will be quicker but much more excruciating, and they will not have to go to Room 101. In order to switch, the tortured team member must say "Do it to (Teammate)! Do it to (Teammate), but not me!" If they say this phrase incorrectly, or if they say it before the torturing even begins or is less than 10 minutes underway, they will be ignored._

"Rigby...are you sure about this?" Mordecai asked. Rigby sighed.

"Yeah. I'm doin' it," Rigby said.

"_What better way to show Mordecai that I don't suck at everything by proving my loyalty for him by going through this?" Rigby said in his confessional. "I mean, it's not like they can do anything to kill me. That wouldn't be allowed. This is being monitored by the producers, and they won't let it be too unsafe...right?"_

Mario and Luigi arrived shortly afterward.

"I'll a-do the Roadblock. I know that you don't a-want to be here, so let's try and a-get this over with as soon as possible," Mario said. He took a deep breath when he saw what the challenge was.

"Mario...you wouldn't make them torture me, would you?" Luigi asked.

"A-never!" Mario said confidently. But deep down, he was afraid.

When Pinky and the Brain arrived, Pinky immediately read the clue and was excited when he read the challenge.

"Isn't this going to be fun, Brain! Narf!" he cried.

"Yes. Fun. When we win this leg of the race, that is!" Brain declared.

"_One time when Pinky sold his soul-long story-he was tortured by some sort of devil creature in the DMV. But he actually laughed-laughed! That's why I'm making him do this. I'm no sadist, I assure you!" Brain insisted in his confessional. "I just think that Pinky can handle this better than me, just like he did the last Roadblock!"_

Team Rocket were next to arrive. James read the clue.

"Who is ready to have their loyalty tested?" he read. "Can we have the pokemon do that?"

"Hmm...we'll find out when we get there!" Jessie replied. "If so, we should use Wobuffet!" she said after reading the rest of the clue.

"_I really hope that they'll let us use Wobuffet for this!" Jessie said in her confessional. "I'm not really sure what our pokemon can and can't do to help us in this race, but if they'll let me use them then I certainly will! But at the same time, I'm at a disadvantage. I mean, the other team members aren't using anyone to help them...so why should I? I don't want to be known as the team leader who won the race by cheating with handicaps."_

The Regular Guys were the first to arrive at the Ministry of Love. They were escorted by silent guards and uhsered into a compltely white room with no windows. There they were shocked to find someone familiar in the room, as well as a cold metal slab, an unusual device, and a few additional guards.

"Skips! How did they get you here?" Mordecai asked.

"They got me a long time ago," Skips replied. "Which of you is doing it?" Rigby raised his hand. Skips nodded.

"All right," he said, lifting Rigby and placing him in the corner. Turning to Mordecai, he said, "You'll have to wait outside. We'll let you know if Rigby betrays you."

"Betrays me? Why would he do that?" Mordecai asked.

"You'll see. For the purposes of this show, the torture will be toned down. But if this was real, he would definitely betray you," Skips explained. "Believe me, I know. I was in here once; I had a life before Benson hired me. Frankly, I don't like coming back here, but I'm doing it anyway, for money."

Rigby gulped as the guards advanced toward him, truncheons in hand. All he could do was cower in the corner and try not to muffle his own screams...

But Mario could hear them as he was also escorted down the hallways of the Ministry. When he was taken into the room reserved for him, he found that his torturer was none other than Bowser.

"Who did you think it was going to be?" the King of the Koopas laughed.

"I wasn't really expecting anyone a-else," Mario said frankly. Bowser grinned maliciously.

"You're lucky I'm not allowed to roast you, otherwise you'd never get out of here!" Bowser said.

"Just bring in the a-guards," Mario said. Bowser snapped his fingers, and they came in. Mario then took a deep breath and walked to the corner of the room, preparing for the onslaught.

Pinky went into his room and found that his tormentor was Snowball.

"Oh, hi Snowball! Troz! Good thing Brain isn't doing this. He wouldn't be able to stand you! No offense."

"None taken," Snowball replied as the guards walked in. "Do as you'd like," he said to them.

Wobuffet (who was eventually deemed acceptable by the producers) waddled slowly into his room, finding an all-too-familiar Pikachu waiting for him.

"Pi-ka pika pika?" Pikachu said to Wobuffet. ("Are you ready?")

"Wob...buffet," Wobuffet replied. ("I don't want to do this.")

"Pika, pika-chu." ("It will be over before you know it, I promise.")

"Wobuffet..." ("Okay...") He stood at attention as the guards came for him, readying his Counter move.

"Ow, ow, ow! Can you guys stop for just a second?!" Rigby cried as the guards kicked him somewhat lightly. They weren't allowed to use their full strength, but Rigby was still in immense pain.

Mario winced each time a guard hit him, and tried to stand for as long as he could, but he was eventually brought down to his knees from the force of the blows.

"Bwahaha! Keep hurting him, guys!" Bowser laughed.

Pinky laughed gleefully as the guards kicked his tiny mouse body, flung him across the room, and stomped on him multiple times in an attempt to make him feel pain.

"Narf! Poit! Zort! Troz! This is just like what Brain does to me sometimes!" Pinky cried. Snowball scowled at Pinky, realizing that his beatings had little effect.

"Time for some shock therapy," the hamster said.

The guards beat Wobuffet as hard as they could, but the pokemon was like a punching bag: every blow was returned back at them with equal force, and eventually the guards couldn't do anymore damage to him because they were so badly hurt. Pikachu's cheeks began to crackle, winking at Wobuffet.

Zim and Gir were next to arrive at Paddington Station. Zim had used his pack's spider legs to climb the buildings of Airstrip One and find where the cluebox was.

"Who is ready to have their loyalty tested?" he read. "Well, Gir, I believe your loyalty may be lacking. How about you do it?" he asked.

"No. You do it! I did the last one!" Gir complained.

"No, Gir, you need to this one because-"

"NONONONONONONONONEEEEEOOOOOOOWWWWWWAAA!" Gir protested.

"SILENCE! I SHALL DO THIS TASK!" Zim said to satisfy Gir. But he grew very afraid when he learned just what the task was.

"Gir...suppose you couldn't...ah, forget it! I am an Irken solider, meant to withstand things like this! And therefore, I should easily withstand it!"

When they arrived at the Ministry, Zim was still confident, especially when he learned who is torturer was.

"Dib? What's a hideous, smelly, earth worm-monkey like you doing in this RACE?!" he demanded.

"They offered to pay me, but I turned them down," Dib said with a wicked grin on his face. "Now I can finally get back at you for being such a...such a...well, a jerk!"

"CURSE YOU, DIB! CURSE YOOOOOOOUUUUU!" Zim cried as the guards came to his room.

Vriska and Tavros were next to get the clue.

"Who is ready to have their loyalty tested?" Vriska read.

"yOU'RE GOING TO, MAKE ME DO IT, AREN'T YOU?" Tavros asked.

"Well, duh! I don't wanna get tortured!" Vriska said as she read the rest of the clue. Tavros frowned.

"aT LEAST, MY LEGS, WON'T BE ABLE TO FEEL, ANYTHING," he said to himself.

The Trolls arrived at the Ministry, and Tavros was led inside to his room. He wasn't surprised to see who would torment him.

"dON'T wOrRY, TaVbRO," Gamzee reassured him. "THiS iS a MoThAFuCKin' MiRaCuLoUs PlAcE."

"GAAAAAAAAHHH! STOP IT, PLEASE!" Rigby cried.

"You didn't say it right," Skips said. "We have a few more dials to go, and then we'll have a little chat."

"OHWAAAAAAAAHOOOWWW!" Mario cried as Bowser hurt him with the electric shocks after hooking up to the machine that produced them.

"Ready to give up yet?" Bowser asked. Mario shook his head, and Bowser turned the dial up further.

"HAHAHAHAHAHA! KEEP GOING, KEEP GOING!" Pinky laughed. Snowball turned the dial up all the way to 100, but Pinky still laughed it off. Snowball growled, finally ordering the guards to unhook Pinky from the machine.

"It looks like psychological torture is next," he said as the guards left.

"Ooooh...that sounds fun!" Pinky cried.

"Pi-KAIYEAH!" Pikachu yelled as Wobuffet zapped him back with Mirror Coat. Pikachu tried again, but each time Wobuffet simply launched a more powerful version back at him.

Finally, the Victory Parade ended, and the taxis carrying the racers finally went off.

"Who is ready to have their loyalty tested?" Servo read. "Well, Crow, how's your loyalty at the moment?"

"It's doing fine, thank you. Yours?" Crow replied.

"Me? Why, I'm also fine. Well, my loyalty is, anyway."

"Yeah, it's fine that both of our loyalties are fine," Crow agreed. "But seriously, who's doing this?"

"Let's RPS for it," Servo said.

"Uh, Servo, I don't think we have time to, uh engage in steamy roleplay," Crow said.

"What? No? I mean Rock Paper Scissors? What did you think I meant?"

"Uh, nothing!" Crow said. "I...uh...thought you meant Re-electing Political Senators."

"We don't have time for that!" Servo said. "Come on, 1, 2, 3, go!" Crow got scissors, but Servo had rock, so Crow had to do the Roadblock. After reading it, he shook a little.

"I don't wanna get tortured! They'll probably have me scrub old men's hairy backs, or eat coral, or watch my little pony with bronies and listen to them talk about how "unique" it is, or get yelled at by the Nostalgia Critic!"

"Who's he?" Servo asked as they arrived at the Ministry of Love.

"Like us, only angrier and more biased," Crow explained. They went inside, and Crow was escorted to his torture room, meeting a very familiar face grinning at him.

"You have a solo experiment, today, Crow T. Robot!" Dr. Clayton Forrester said to Crow, chuckling and clasping his hands together.

"I've already watched all the Godzilla movies, even All Monsters Attack! What makes you think you can-what, who are they?" Crow asked, referring to the guards advancing toward him...

Spongebob and Squidward were next to arrive.

"Who is ready to have their loyalty tested?" Squidward read. "Spongebob, don't look at me like that! Gah, fine, okay!"

When Squidward arrived at the Ministry of Love, he was taken to his room and ran into-

"Squilliam Fancyson!" Squidward cried.

"Not only am I better than you, but now I get to have it instilled in your brain!" Squilliam bragged. Squidward cowered in fear as the guards came towards him...

"Whof is reddy to test thear LOYALTY?" Hella Jeff read. He quickly volunteered and read the rest of the clue.

"Zounds EASY enuff," he remarked.

"As EASY as your mom was when I banged here for a minute there...and now you're bangin' her!" Sweet Bro declared.

Hella Jeff entered his room at the Ministry to find that he would be betrayed even before he began.

"JEROMY! WAT ARE u DOING HERE?" Hella Jeff asked in surprise.

"Whof wants to know?" Jeromy replied.

"That's MAI LAINE, you reTURD!" Hella Jeff protested. "I THOT you were gonna be TEH NEW FREND for us!"

"Ho-oh! How RONG you WARE!" Jeromy said, laughing evilly.

Robotnik and Scratch were the last to arrive, and when Scratch read the clue, Robotnik immediately made him do the challenge.

"I did the last one, now you do this one!" he cried. Scratch frowned.

"Okay, your great girthiness," Scratch said, not meaning it to be praise this time.

When they arrived at the Ministry, Scratch could now here the cries of pain from all of the other teams as they were beaten, then electrocuted, then simply talked to by their torturer. As he passed each team already in the rooms (and subsequently realized that Robotnik would not be happy to know that they were now in last) he listened to what each other team was experiencing:

"Rigby, don't you realize that Mordecai is better than you?" Skips challenged. "Benson despises you, but he tolerates Mordecai. That's a big difference, if you think about it."

"No way! That's not true!" Rigby protested.

"Oh, but it is!" Bowser replied to Mario. "Peach and I have been hooking up all those times it took you a while to get to my castle! How else could I have gotten my kids?"

"You're a-lying! Peach doesn't love you, and she never a-will!"

"Oh, yes she does, you overalled troublemaker!"

"Don't you ever wish that the Brain would let _you _implement more plans?" Snowball asked.

"Why would I? Brain's better with the techy stuff, anyway!" Pinky replied.

"Oh. Well, what about...the way he always hits you?"

"Yeah, that is pretty mean. But I'm sure Brain has a very good reason for that!"

"Groan. It's a shame I only have 5 minutes."

"5 minutes for what?" Pinky asked. Snowball facepalmed, just as Brain had done before.

"Pika, pika pika!" (Can't you see that Jessie hates you?)

"Wobba, wob-buffet!" (No, she doesn't; Jessie loves me!)

"Pika-chu, pika pika-chu?" (If she loves you, then why did she make you do this?)

"..."

"Pika, pika pi-ka-chu!" (You can make her pay for all the times she was mean to you, if you just betray her.)

"...Wobba wobba!" (...No! I'd never do that!)

"Pika, pika-chu..." (Very well, then...)

"AH, AH, AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" Zim cried.

"Uh, Zim? It hasn't started yet," Dib reminded him.

"Eh? Oh. Well, DO YOUR WORST, WIMPY HUMAN!" Zim ate those words, however, when he saw the non-wimpy human guards ready to beat him.

"i'M SoRrY, TaV, tHiS hUrTs Me WaY mOrE tHaN iT wIlL mOtHeRfUcKiN' hUrT yOu."

"gAMZEE, WHY, ARE YOU EVEN HERE? i THOUGHT, WE WERE FRIENDS," Tavros asked.

"YeAh, BuT tHeN yOu WeNt AlL uP aNd BrOkE mY hEaRt, AnD tHaT mAdE aLl ThE sHiPpErS aNd FaNgIrLs wIcKeD mAd."

"nEPETA, DIDN'T SEEM MAD, AND NOT ALL, OF THE FANGIRLS SHIP US," Tavros said. Gamzee shook his head in dismay.

Scratch was led into his room last, just after Crow, Squidward, and Hella Jeff were. And there in his room was:

"Sonic?! Are you to make us lose the race, like you did in that other race?" Scracth asked. Sonic stuck his tongue out at him.

"No, you dumbot! I'm just here to make you learn a lesson!"

"Oh, a lesson? In what?" Scratch said.

"Anatomy," Sonic replied. As the guards beat him, Scratch asked:

"What does this have to do with anatomy?"

"Everything!" Sonic replied.

Current Standings:

1st: Regular Guys

2nd: Mario Bros.

3rd: Mice

4th: Team Rocket

5th: Invaders

6th: Trolls

7th: Bots

8th: Sea Creatures

9th: SBaHJ

10th: Robotnik

Finally, much to Snowball's chagrin, Pinky was led into Room 101. There he encountered his greatest fear in the tiny, gray room, after receiving a harmless injection with the appropriate halucinnatory drugs. In the room, Pinky felt the world around him widened, turn yellow, and become full of delicious holes...

"Oh, no, no...Brain, what are you doing...NOOOOOOOOOO!" Pinky cried. He screamed and struggled, but then...

"Time's up," the guard said, and the hallucination ended.

"Oh? That was pretty fun!" Pinky cried. The guards gave him the next clue and escorted him back to Brain, and Pinky told him the whole story of what had happened, with Brain especially surprised by the fact that Snowball was there.

"I would like to try and settle a score with him, but we need to take advantage of our lead," Brain explained as the got back in the taxi. "Pinky, what did you see in Room 101?"

"Oh, it was tons of fun! Narf!" Pinky cried. "But it was a little sad. There was a whole world made of cheese, and you conquered it and ate it! But then I turned into a skeleton because there was nothing left for me!" Pinky cried. Brain glanced at him before concluding:

"So, your greatest fear turned out to be starvation?" Brain asked.

"Well that or you starving me metaphorically from ever seizing power because of your fears that I am somehow your superior..."

"What?"

"ZORT!"

"Very well, then. Allow me to read the clue," Brain did so. "Make your way to the Ministry of Peace. YES! Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"

"I think so, Brain...the cheese could've been moldy," Pinky reasoned. Brain whacked Pinky on the head.

"No! The Ministry of Peace is where new weapons of mass destruction are produced. We could negotiate for some of those, and then we could use them in the race!"

"But wouldn't that hurt some people?" Pinky asked.

"Yes, yes it would," Brain replied.

Mice: currently in First

Wobuffet was next to waddle into Room 101. When they gave him the injection and shut the door behind him, the pokemon watched as his owner ran far away in the distance. Turning around, Wobuffet could see why she was running from the red, blue, and yellow mass. Forgetting it was all an illusion, Wobuffet thought quickly and cried:

"Wobba-wobba! Wobba-wobba, wob-buffet!" (Do it to Jessie! Do it to Jessie, but not me!) The guards obeyed, opening the door of the Room and shooting Wobuffet with another drug that counteracted the first one. Wobuffet ran in fright back to Jessie, who asked:

"Well? Where's the clue?" she demanded. Wobuffet bowed its head as the guards came towards her, beckoning her inside. Jessie's head inflated at Wobuffet with rage before she sent him inside his pokeball.

"YOU SOLD ME OUT AND PUT US BEHIND, YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF GARBAGE! BETRAYED, BY MY OWN POKEMON?! I DON'T BELIEVE THIS!" Jessie was still shouting insults at Wobuffet all the way to her room, the same one that Wobuffet had been in. Pikachu's cheeks gleefully crackled with electricity.

"Oh...you..." Jessie groaned as she was hit with a near-lethal dose of electricity.

Mario was finally led to Room 101, trying to ignore everything that Bowser had told him about his relationship with Peach. In the Room he found himself in the foyer of Princess Peach's castle, and she was there, smiling at him.

"Mario!" she cried happily, the way she usually did. She went over to hug him and give him a small kiss, but before he lips could reach Mario's forehead (Mario is shorter than she is) he heard a sound of metal tearing through flesh. Mario opened his eyes to see that Peach had been stabbed in the back, and the perpetrator was none other than Bowser, who done so with his own claws.

"Heh heh," Bowser chuckled darkly, with none of the usual haminess he usually put in his tone. "If she can't love me, then she'll love no one!" he cried. Mario tried to jump in the air, but as he did so, Bowser dodged the jump. When Mario landed on the ground, Bowser quickly intercepted him and towered over him.

"It's time for you to join her!" he cried, sinking his teeth into Mario's head.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Mario screamed, falling onto the metal floor of the Ministry. When he looked around him, he found that the halucination was over. He walked out with the clue and was met by a very relieved Luigi.

"I heard you a-scream, bro! What happened!" Luigi asked. Mario shook his head, trying not to cry.

"I don't want to a-talk about it," he said simply. Luigi understood and ordered the cab driver to take him to the destination marked on the next clue.

"Make your way to the Ministry of a-Peace," Luigi read.

"Oh, good, I could a-use some peace right now," Mario said.

"You gonna be okay?" Luigi asked.

"Yes, I'm a-fine," Mario replied quietly.

Mario Bros: currently in 2nd

_That illusion was a-so frightening," Mario said in his confessional. "I guess my greatest fear was that Bowser would one day just a-snap and become more evil than he is already."_

Rigby was next to be led into the room by Skips. His eyes widened when he realized he was back in his childhood home, safe and sound from everyone else. His brother Don was sitting in a chair near him, but something about him was off. Maybe it had to do with the size of his head and limbs.

"Rigby, you won!" Don proclaimed. "After that Room challenge, Mordecai convinced the producers to just give you the prize money!"

"You don't need to work for me anymore," Benson said proudly, appearing with Pops, Skips, Muscle Man, and High Five Ghost from another room. "You earned all that money, Rigby."

"Jolly good show!" exclaimed Pops. Rigby was still confused, however.

"So I just got knocked out back at the Ministry and they let me just win automatically because of that? That's kinda...unfair. And where's Mordecai, anyway?"

"He doesn't live around here anymore," Skips explained. "He married Margaret, who was very compliant when she learned how much money he had. He got the girl of his dreams, all thanks to you."

"Yeah, that's great and all, but where is he?" Rigby demanded. Don chuckled.

"You don't need him anymore. You have all of us now, and now that you've finally woken up, we just want to give you some sugar," Don said as he and the others advanced towards him.

"And when we're done, we can all go to that amusement park!" Benson cried as he and the others slowly advanced like zombies to the terrified Rigby. It was at this point Rigby realized that they weren't the people he knew at all, but costumed monstrosities meant to impersonate the people he knew. He screamed as they all wrapped their arms around him.

"GAAAAHH! NOOOOO! NOT AMUSEMENT PARK MASCOTS! NOOOOO!" Rigby cried. He frantically tried to think of what the words were to get himself out of this, but his voice was muffled by the affectionate strangleholds of the mascots.

And then it was over. Rigby found himself back in the Room. The guards handed him his clue and escorted him out.

"Rigby, you made it!" Mordecai exclaimed, noticing that his friend was shaking all over. The duo went back outside and read the clue in their taxi.

"Make your way to the Ministry of Peace. Uh, go where we said!" Mordecai asked the driver. The driver obeyed.

Regular Guys: currently in 3rd

Meanwhile, back in the Ministry of Love, Zim had just finished receiving his electric shocks, and now he was held down so that Dib could gloat at him.

"Zim, you suck," Dib began. "You suck because all your plans fail, your masters never pay any attention to you, they only put you on Earth to get rid of you, your robot minion is useless, and the entire human race could never succomb to the whims of one little alien like you!"

"LIIIIIES! AAAAALL LIIIIIIES!" Zim cried. "You merely say that because you fear me, and are trying to rationalize it by telling yourself that I will NEVER rule over you! BUT YOU ARE MISTAKEN, DIB! YOU SMEEEEEEELL!" Zim screamed.

"Yeah, well you're a jerk!" Dib cried. Turning to the guards, he said, "Can I put him in Room 101 now?"

"What is Room 101?" Zim asked.

"Only the place where your greatest fears become a reality," Dib explained. Zim gasped, realizing just what his greatest fear was, a thing that he had gone to great lengths to supress from his brain.

"NOOOO! NO! DO IT TO GIR! DO IT TO GIR, BUT NOT ME!" Zim cried before the guards could even grab him.

"Wow. Didn't think that would work. Too bad we won't know what he's afraid of." Dib mused. Zim was quickly escorted out of the Ministry, and Gir replaced him.

_"While many FOOLISH VIEWERS would argue that I 'copped out' and the last minute, I do not regret my choice! My greatest fear would have scared you all away, too, if you knew what it was!"_

Tavros was next into Room 101. He found himself in a pleasant room full of plants that looked to be somewhere on Earth. Looking out the windows, he could see the relatively harmless sun shining on the waves. From another window he could see a volcano.

"kANAYA, WOULD LIKE THIS PLACE, I BET," Tavros said to himself.

"what makes you say that? :)" said a voice. Although he had never heard the voice before, Tavros turned around and recognized it instantly.

"jADE, IS THIS, YOUR HIVE?" he asked.

"yep! it's nice to see you! i don't get many people over here. :( but how did you even get here? :/"

"i DON'T, REALLY KNOW," Tavros admitted.

"maybe it was because you love me! :)" Jade suggested.

"uH, ARE YOU SURE? i MEAN, YOU ARE A VERY NICE GIRL, AND YOU WOULD MAKE ME VERY HAPPY,,,BUT, I THOUGHT, THAT YOU DIDN'T LIKE ME," Tavros said. Jade laughed.

"I just had to say that so that Vriska wouldn't get jealous!" she replied. "She could be anywhere right now!"

"i KNOW, WHERE SHE IS, SHE'S IN AIRSTRIP ONE," Tavros replied. But then a pair of hands suddenly came from behind and settled on his chest.

"I'm right here, you dork!" Vriska said. Jade scowled at her.

"What are you doing here? :(" she demanded. Vriska rolled her eyes. All of them.

"I'm just taking 8ack what's mine! Tavros doesn't like you, we're totally a couple!" Vriska said.

"You're too mean to be his true love!" Jade cried, beginning to rise into the air. Suddenly, she transformed into her God/Dog Tier mode, sprouting dogs ears as well. "And I'm gonna be the one to put you in your place! WOOF!"

Vriska laughed, also transforming into her God Tier form.

"You may have the cooler outfit, but I'm still tougher than you!" she cried.

"uH, YOU DONT' HAVE TO FIGHT, OVER ME," Tavros said nervously as the two girls glared at each other. But suddenly, things got even worse when Gamzee appeared from the ceilling, also in his God Tier outfit, crashing into the two brawling girls.

"TaVbRo Is ToO gOoD fOr YoU wIcKeD bItChEs," Gamzee declared. "PB aNd MoThAfUcKiN' jElLy Is hErE tO sTaY, tHuS sPeAk ThE mIrThFuL mEsSiAhS aNd ThEiR yAoI fAnGiRl ArMy."

"wHAT'S, A YAOI FANGIRL?" Tavros asked.

"I dOn'T rEaLlY kNoW, eXcEpT tHeY wAnT yOu AnD mE tOgEtHeR fOrEvEr," Gamzze said, approaching Tavros and brushing him with his codpiece. But then Vriska and Jade tackled him, and the three began to fight once more. Tavros watched as red, blue, and purple blood spilled on the floor, and bodies were smashed into the flowers, destroying them. Tavros stared in anger at the mess, realizing that he had had enough.

"eVERYBODY, JUST SHUT, THE HELL, UP!" he cried loudly. His lovers stopped to listen.

"uH, GOOD, NOW THAT I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION, I DON'T REALLY, UH, KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON, BUT I JUST WANT YOU ALL, TO STOP, FIGHTING, OVER ME. WHY CAN'T WE ALL, JUST BE FRIENDS, INSTEAD OF DEPRAVED PEOPLE, THAT LOVE ME TO DEATH, LITERALLY, BECAUSE OF THE WHIMS, OF CHANCE? GAMZEE, I THOUGHT, THAT WE WERE JUST MOIRAILS, THIS WHOLE TIME, AND I'M SORRY, BUT I CAN'T, RECIPROCATE, YOUR FEELINGS, AND YOU SHOULD JUST MOVE ON, LIKE KANAYA DID. AND JADE, I KNOW, THAT YOU AND I, WOULDN'T WORK OUT NOW. I WAS FOOLISH, TO EVEN TRY AND TELL YOU I LIKED YOU, BUT I DON'T, REGRET IT. AND VRISKA, YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN, SO MEAN TO ME, AND I SHOULDN'T EVEN BE WITH YOU NOW, BUT I AM. AND DO YOU, KNOW WHY? IT'S BECAUSE, I TRY TO SEE, THE BETTER SIDE OF YOU, THE NICE SIDE OF YOU, THAT NO ONE GETS TO SEE, BECAUSE YOU ARE SO SAVVY AND CUTTHROAT. RIGHT NOW, I CAN'T REALLY SAY CONFIDENTLY, THAT I LOVE ANY OF YOU, RIGHT NOW, BUT I WOULD BE PROUD, TO HAVE ALL OF YOU, AS MY FRIENDS,,,WOW, MY SELF CONFIDENCE, JUST WENT THROUGH, THE ROOF," Tavros finished, finally pausing to breathe as the illusion ended. He was given his clue and went out with Vriska.

"Wow, that was pretty good! I thought you'd 8e sending me there in a heart8eat, 8ut what do you know? You actually proved yourself useful!" Vriska said as they got back into their taxi. Tavros frowned, leaning his horns against the glass window.

"Okay, we're going to some dump called the Ministry of Peace next! Sounds pretty lame!" Vriska announced as she read the clue. She looked at Tavros, who didn't move or respond.

"Yeah, I know, peace sucks! 8ut we have to go there if we want to stay in this thing!"

_"i WAS SAD BECAUSE, I HAD WORKED UP SO MUCH SELF-CONFIDENCE IN THAT LITTLE SPEECH, BUT I SOMEHOW FORGOT, THAT THEY WEREN'T REALLY THERE. EVERYTHING I HAD SAID, HAD AMOUNTED TO NOTHING, BECAUSE IT WASN'T REALLY THEM. I THOUGHT, THAT I WOULD BE FORCED, TO CONTINUE ENDURING THE SAME STUFF FROM VRISKA. BUT THEN I THOUGHT, MAYBE, IF I KEEP MY SELF-CONFIDENCE HIGH ENOUGH, SHE'LL SEE IT, AND SHE'LL STOP BOTHERING ME. THAT'S ALL, I REALLY WANT," Tavros finished in his length confessional._

Trolls: currently in Fourth

Pinky and the Brain arrived at the Ministry of Peace, noticing the clue box and reading the clue.

"Detour," Brain read. "Rectify or Vaporise?"

"Oooh, big words!" Pinky exclaimed.

_In "Rectify", teams must travel to the Ministry of Truth and correctly alter bits of information for publication, according to the specifications. If teams make a mistake of any kind they will be forced to try again and rectify a similiar bit of information given. The interval between rectifications is 5 minutes, which, although short, can cost teams dearly if they are behind. This task will be easy for those who are creative enough to produce convincing false information or are good at meticulous tasks, but the work can seem confusing. Once teams sucessfully rectify 4 pieces of information correctly, they will get their next clue. _

_In "Vaporise", teams must go to the Chestnut Tree, where many individuals are wandering about. One of them is a thoughtcriminal and must be denounced to the Thought Police. Teams must search for this thoughtcriminal and say to him or her, 'We shall meet in the place where there is no darkness.' If they correctly say it to the thoughtcriminal, Barman (an old man at the bar marked as part of the race, and not a thoughtcriminal) will call the Thought Police. When they arrive, teams must help them load up the struggling criminal, who, although he may resist them, won't run away. This task requires both patience and strength, and it may take up to 20 minutes before the Thought Police arrive, which is something that teams at the bottom of the pack need to factor in. Once the thoughtcriminal is taken into custody, Barman will give teams their next clue._

"I know a bit about how 'rectification' works, Pinky," Brain explained. "We're going to be doing the first Detour option."

"Aww, but Brain, that sounds boring!" Pinky whined. "I don't even know what 'erectification' means!"

"It essentially means that whoever controls the present controls the past," Brain said, "And whoever controls the past controls the future."

"Narf..."

The Mario bros. were next in finding the Ministry. Luigi read the clue options.

"Rectify or Vaporise?" he asked Mario.

"I a-don't want to send anyone to that awful place!" Mario cried. "We're doing 'Rectify.'"

"Okey dokey!" Luigi said, ordering the cab driver to the same place the mice were going.

"Rectify or Vaporise?" Mordecai asked Rigby after they read the Detour options.

"Vaporise, definitely! Rectify sounds like something Benson would have us do!" Rigby said.

"Not exactly, but I see what you're gettin' at," Mordecai said. "Well, then, let's go to the bar and get wasted! OOOOOOH!"

"Yeah, WHOOO!" Rigby cried as they headed off to the Chestnut Tree.

"_I was a little shaky after that experience in the Ministry," Rigby admitted in his confessional. "A few drinks sounded like something I'd need to relax and forget about the scary stuff. Plus we never get to drink in our show!" he exclaimed._

At the Ministry of Truth, Brain took hold of the speakwrite as he received his first job, which had something to do with US corn productions being lower than Big Brother's estimated figures, and as a result the figures had to be lowered significantly.

"Pinky, since you will obviously ruin us if you work, you need to sit and wait for me to finish all this. I don't need any help," Brain said, typing in a back issue of the Times from the spring of 82'. Looking at the issue, he said into the speakwrite:

"Times 82 malquote cornprod as 50,000 pounds rectify as 25,000," Brain said. A Party member who was overseeing them noted Brain's change, and nodded her approval.

"Sounds good enough, comrade," she said. Brain nodded and put the old issue of the Times and the paper ordering the change into the Memory Hole.

Mice: 1/4 rectifications

Mario and Luigi arrived as well. Luigi noticed saw Pinky and the Brain and noticed that only one of them was working. When they got to their workstation he suggested to Mario:

"Hey! If we a-both work on seperate tasks, we can a-finish before them!" Luigi said. Mario agreed, and the Party member overseeing their work gave them each a slip. Luigi's asked for him to alter the wheather forecast for the upcoming week, now that a new storm was predicted to hit from across the Channel.

"Farmanac (Farmer's Almanac) misprint wheather as calm and clear. Rectify to mild teestorms Tues and Weds," Luigi said into the speakwrite.

"How can you a-say stuff like that in Newspeak?" Mario asked him.

"Just a-shorten everything down! It's not a-too specific," Luigi explained. Mario did so with his rectification, which was to change Big Brother's height from someting shorter than 6'6".

_"I don't really understand how Luigi a-knew Newspeak so well," Mario admitted. "I guess he must have heard a-the locals talking in it, but I never did. They just a-spoke regular English to me."_

Mario took his speakwrite nervously and said: Uh, BB not sixsix, but a-fivesix. Change." The Party overseer shook his head.

"You can't get by insulting the height of Big Brother," he said. "I know you didn't mean it, but because you are not a local I shall not turn you in for that offense."

"Oh, mama-mia! I'm a-so sorry!" Mario said. The Party overseer ignored him and observed Luigi.

"Good," he said, and Luigi put the previous evidence in the Memory Hole.

"Just a-try phrasing it differently next time! The change doesn't have to be a-too great!" Luigi said.

Mario Bros: 1/4 rectifications

Mordecai and Rigby arrived at the Chestnut Tree, where dozens of people were crammed into that relatively small space, all drinking, talking quietly, or playing chess.

"Gee, for a bar, this place is quiet," Rigby noted. But this changed when an old man sitting at the bar noticed them.

"Well, looks like we got comp'ny! The criminal's anybody but the tender and meself! Good luck!" he said. "Since youse two are the first, I'll give ya a free round wen yer done-drinks on me!" Mordecai and Rigby ignored this reward and went around the bar.

"We shall meet in a place where there is no darkness," Mordecai said to one person. They looked at him funny and went back to reading the paper.

"We shall meet in a place where there is no darkness," Rigby yelled to a woman. She said nothing.

"How do we know who it is?" Mordecai asked Rigby.

"I don't think we're supposed to!" Rigby called back from near where the telescreen was. Glancing up at it, he wondered, "Why is it always stuck on that same channel?"

The trolls found the Ministry of Peace, and Tavros read the Detour options.

"rECTIFY, OR VAPORISE?" he asked Vriska.

"Well, duh! Vaporise! Rectify sounds 8oring and lame. Except turning in a criminal is more Terezi's thing. I 8et she's jealous right now that she can exact her precious 'justice' on some poor sap who had a 8ad thought!"

Jessie emerged from the Ministry, her hair fried and her clothes singed, with the clue in her hand. She said nothing as James ordered the taxi to the Ministry of Peace.

"I'm not using Wobuffet ever again, that's for sure!" Jessie declared.

"_I can't believe Wobuffet betrayed me like that!" Jessie comlained. "I've been so kind to him, and he even take a little pain for me! I don't even make him fight that much!"_

"Maybe it was just too much for him," Jessie suggested. "Maybe his fear in Room 101 had something to do with you?"

"With me?" Jessie stopped. She took out her pokeball with Wobuffet and stared at it, wondering what it could have been. She decided to put it out of their mind when they found the Detour.

"Rectify or vaporise?" James read.

"Vaporise," Jessie said. "It sounds quicker, and maybe we can make up for time and beat the trolls."

"Jessie, I really don't think it's such a good idea to have enemies so early in the race..." James suggested. But she ignored him.

"_I won't let myself lose to Vriska again!" Jessie declared. "I'm going to prove to her that I am a force to be reckoned with, even if I can't blackmail her! I'm tired of losing, dang it, and I want to WIN for once!"_

_"I think this is getting a bit...unecessary," James admitted. "What's the point of having this rivalry? And having pokemon do things for you in this race could technically be considered cheating, too, but it wasn't. I shouldn't have told Jessie about what Vriska did to Brain, and I wouldn't have if I had known what it would do to her. If we're still in the race when this leg is over, I'll see if I can't make things right between our teams. Who knows, maybe we could get in an alliance! That would be much more effective than having rivalries!"_

_"i THINK THAT MAYBE, I CAN GET VRISKA, TO REALIZE THAT I'M NOT SOME WORTHLESS TOY, TO FIGHT OVER WITH GAMZEE. i'M MORE, THAN THAT; AND I, CAN BE HER FRIEND, IF SHE'LL LET ME. MAYBE, IF I WORK THINGS OUT, WITH TEAM ROCKET, SHE'LL CALM DOWN, AND REALIZE HOW HELPFUL, I CAN BE, FOR THE TEAM." }:)_

Team Rocket: currently in Fifth

"You see, Crow, no matter how many horrible movies you mock," Forrestor explained, "There will always be 2 worse movies to take their place."

"Ridiculous, just like all that stuff you said about Mike and Joel being gay lovers!" Crow cried. A guard whispered to Forrestor, and he sighed, but then grinned at Crow.

"Oh, no, I don't like that look; that's the same look Michael Jackson gave to those kids at his ranch!" Crow cried. The producers considered editing out this joke, but in light of the unclassified FBI files, they decided against it. It was better for everyone to know the somewhat obvious truth.

"Crow...how much do you know about...Christopher Columbus?" Forrestor asked.

"Uh, first guy to sail to America...I think. Why?"

"hehehehehehehehehehehehe..." Crow was led into Room 101. Since he was a robot, a microchip was placed into him which ran the program meant to terrify him. If Crow copped out, the guards could simply reset him.

"_The Magic Voyage?_ I've heard of this...wait, no, no, no nononononNOOOOOOOO...what's that termite for?"

"Squilliam, you may be able to buy out everything that I have, but you could never pay me enough to say that you're better than me! I have one thing you don't, and that's...well...a clarinet!" Squilliam held up a clarinet.

"Like this one?" he asked, chuckling. "Since you don't believe me, I'll just send you to Room 101! Hope you like the Flying Dutchman!"

"Wait, what?" Squidward asked as he was escorted to that Room. When he went inside and was injected with the halucinnatory drug, he found the Flying Dutchman floating before him.

"Welcome back to the Fly of Despair!" he said, opening up a zipper to Hell and tossing Squidward in.

"This one not only despairs you, but lets you see your hopes and dreams crushed!" the Flying Dutchman called out as Squidward plummeted to his doom.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHH! I WANNA GO HOME I WANNA GO HOME I WANNA GO HOME!" he cried. In the crazy void around him, he could see Squilliam being born to his own parents, going to school in his place, playing at his first clarinet recital in his place, and instead of being forced to work at a menial job at the Krusty Krab, he received money for his performance, more money than Squidward or Mr. Krabs could ever imagine. With it, he bought 2 mansions, 5 exotic boats, a private island, a private balloon/casino, and so much more. Finally, Squilliam was seen talking on the phone, and a shot rang out in the pineapple next to him. Turning to Squidward as he fell, Squilliam said:

"I'm you, only better. As such, I can dispose of my enemies," Squilliam said as Squidward screamed when he saw Spongebob's dead body, devoid of all the life and annoyance it had once had. Squidward suddenly woke up, and found himself at Spongebob's happy (and living) face.

"Yay, you're free!" Spongebob cried triumphantly.

"I guess mine was a little short," Squidward said. He and Spongebob took the clue and headed to the Ministry of Peace.

Sea creatures: currently in Sixth

"_That whole illusion was a frightening experience. I mean, I don't really like Spongebob, but to have him get killed by Squilliam, the obnoxious rival of my childhood? It's just too much. I feel that this whole thing was a wake-up call. Sure, Squilliam won't kill Spongebob, but if being better than him means getting rid of him violently, then I guess I'm stuck at the Krusty Krab...I think. This is all too weird."_

_"Okay, something's going on! The rabid sponge and the inappropriate squid got here after us, but somehow they got through quicker?! What gives!? What are they doing to Crow in there?!" Servo asked in his confessional._

"WHY IS HE TALKING TO HIS OWN SOCK PUPPET?!" Crow demanded.

"Ready to give up yet?" Sonic asked Scratch mockingly. Scratch, now beaten to a pulp and electrocuted, nodded.

"I've said it five times now. Why won't you let me go?" Scratch pleaded.

"'You still haven't said the magic words!" Sonic replied.

"Uh...please?" Scratch guessed.

"No...I'll tell you, since I'm getting tired of seeing you guess wrong all the time. It's 'Do it to Robotnik! Do it to Robotnik, but not me!'"

"What? There's no way you'd get me to say Do it to Robotnik! Do it to Robotnik, but not me-OH NO!" Scratch cried. Sonic smirked at the guards.

"Well, you heard him!" he said. Scratch was quickly replaced with Robotnik, who was doubly mad at both of them.

"YOU BETRRRRAYED ME!? AND SENT ME TO...YOU, SONIC!?" Robotnik screamed at both of them.

"Yeah, what are you gonna do about it?" Sonic asked.

"I HATE THAT HEDGEHOOOOOOOOG!" Robotnik cried as he was kicked in the belly multiple times.

"How HIGH do you to BE to even DO something like that?!" Hella Jeff cried as Jeromy put jelly on his hot god. Jeromy lolfed menanicingly before replying:

"VERY HIGH! And do you know what ELSE I have to be HIGH to DO?"

"Wut?" Hella Jeff asked nervously.

"IS ABOUT TIME! You asked," Jeromy replied. "WHAT TIME IS IT?" he continued quizically.

"Uh...AVENGER TIME?" Hella Jeff asked, hoping that the clogged fountain of impatient memes that is Adventure Time would soon bubble to the surface and assist him. It didn't.

"NOW, it's time to see THE ROOM," Jeromy replied, motioning to the guards. They took Hella Jeff to room 101, where he experienced his greatest fear, one that he shared with Sweet Bro. As he was brought in, Crow was taken out and given his clue, in order for the illusions to not mess each other up.

"That movie was awful, and it made no sense!" Crow cried in terror as he was let out to see Servo.

"What movie? Cloud Atlas?" Servo asked. Crow shook his head.

"No, the Magic Voyage!" Crow cried. Servo screamed with him as they headed back to their cab and went off to the Ministry of Peace.

Bots: currently in Seventh

Meanwhile, Hella Jeff found himself emerging from a door, carrying a stack of bad video games. But before he knew what was happening, he suddenly found himself tumbling, falling, plummeting to his doom.

"I TOLD YOU, DOG!" Jeromy cried. "I WARNED YOU ABOUT THE STAIRS, BRO!"

"No you didit!" Hella Jeff protested. "i WARNED sweet bro ABOUT THEM!"

But his voice was lost to the darkness of the stairs. Soon afterward, Dr. Robotnik's torture with Sonic finally ended. It's too horrifying to go into detail.

"Gir, there are NO tacos," Dib said to Gir simply.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Gir cried for as long as his torture lasted. Minutes later, he was let out with Zim.

"Is it true?" Gir asked him as they went off to the Ministry of Peace.

"What is?"

"That there are no tacos?"

"Relax. I am sure that there are tacos to be found somewhere in this wor-"

"YAY!" Gir exclaimed, hugging Zim.

Invaders: currently in Eighth

"Parsons unperson. Substitute...comerade Pinkerson to get bravemedal," Brain finished. The Party member took up what Brain had.

"Excellent. Two more," she said.

Mice: 2/4 rectifications

Brain immediately went to work on the next one. Pinky, however, was eyeing the other teams.

"Brain!" he cried. "Look!"

"I don't have time to 'look', Pinky, just tell me," Brain said as he was strategically reducing the nacho rations from 3 small bags per month to 2.

"I think somebody's getting ahead of us!" he cried.

"Who?" Brain demanded.

Luigi had just finished wiping out all records of the existence of Hotel Mario. There was now no way to prove that it had ever existed, nor could the evidence be recreated. Mario, meanwhile, was struggling to write out all records of Koopa Kid from his Party games.

"Let me a-help," Luigi suggested. He took the Nintendo Power magazine that mentioned Koopa Kid in Mario Party 5 and 6 and struck out all references to him. He then took a game guide for each game and did the same. Finally, he handed Mario the speakwrite.

"Now just a-say in your best Newspeak that Koopa Kid is gone!" Luigi said. "He doesn't need a replacement."

"Okay. Uh...Koopa Kid unperson," Mario said. The Party overseer nodded, handing them their final rectifcation order.

Mario bros: 3/4 rectifications

Brain gasped when he saw this. "Pinky!" he cried, "Would it demean you to help me?"

"No, I don't think it would make me mean at all. But I still wouldn't like it," Pinky said. He watched as Brain finished the nacho ration rectification and realized the two teams were now in a race to rectify.

Mice: 3/4 rectifications

Each team eyed each other as the Party overseers gave them their slips at the exact same time. The one for the Mario bros had to do with completely altering the outcome of a battle when compared with the actual facts, which required details to be made up and adhered to for consistency. Pinky and the Brain's last rectification had to do with eliminating the reports claiming that some lab mice had been experimented upon in a place called Acme Labs. Apparently, one of the scientists had commited thoughtcrime and as such, his work was invalid.

"Pinky...are you pondering what I'm pondering?" Brain asked him when they read the slip.

"I get it now, Brain! Acme labs is probably based off all the Acme products in Looney Tunes! We really should have asked Elmer and Sam what they knew before they got eliminated!" Pinky cried.

"No, Pinky...in order to complete this challenge, we have to write ourselves out of existence!" Brain cried. Pinky gasped.

"Oh, no!" he cried. "Does that mean we have to...?"

"No, Pinky, that would be absurd. We're just going to have to change our identities. I've got an idea: since you obviously aren't going to be able to do the rectifications, you're going to have to search the Ministry and find some stuff we can use to alter our appearance. Dyes, paint, makeup-anything you can find. When you get the stuff, come back to me, and we'll go to the studio on the lower floors. There we can get our pictures taken after we alter our identities. And don't worry about names, I'll handle that."

"Ooh, can I be 'Cluny the Scourge'"? Pinky asked.

"That name's already taken," Brain said. "Did you know I once contacted him and tried to hire some of his troops? He refused, naturally." But Pinky had already scampered off to find what Brain had asked for.

Mario and Luigi, meanwhile, were hard at work. Mario was logged onto the heavily monitored and limited PartyNet, a local version of the Internet where Party members would post (and then edit) information in accordance with whatever was the latest version of the truth. Mario watched as text, out of his control completely, was backspaced and retyped with slightly different wording. It was like Google Docs, but more sinister. Hey, wait...

"Luigi! What battle are we a-doing?" he asked.

"It's a-the Sahara Push of 1976!" Luigi cried, not really knowing what he was saying. Luigi had in his hand a printed article from the Party overseer describing the battle as the facts were at the moment. Since he and Mario had first technically appeared in 1985 (not counting Donkey Kong), they had no idea what had really happened in the world prior to their game. As Mario read off the currently official record of the events of the Sahara Push, he realized what needed to be changed.

"Okay, you know where it a-says it began with an Oceanic push northward, and the forces torched a village? Change it so that the Eurasians attacked first and a-destroyed 2 villages, and that Oceania just a-struck back with such great force that it was believed by observers for a while that they had originally started the battle!"

"Okey dokey!" Luigi said, crossing out a few lines of text. This process continued for several minutes as other teams closed in on the Ministry...

"We shall meet in a place where there is no darkness! We shall meet in a place where there is no darkness!" Mordecai and Rigby cried to the various people in the Chestnut tree, and at the exact same time.

"Did you try that guy?" Rigby asked, pointing to a man who was going to the bathroom.

"I don't know, he looks like everybody else! It's hard to tell from over here!" Mordecai called on the other side of the crow. Rigby had an easier time slipping through the crowd and asking people, but Mordecai had to move with the crowd as its occupants suddenly went all around the bar.

"We shall meet in a place where there is no darkness!" Rigby finally yelled to a depressed looking old man with a broken nose. He suddenly began to cry, and burst through the crowd. But the barman was quick to the phone as the man with the broken nose was suddenly blocked by people at the entrance. Mordecai, who was closer, grabbed the man by the arm and held him down as he tried to struggle out the door, which was blockaded too heavily by other patrons for him to pass anyway.

"Aww yeah, we found the guy!" Mordecai cried.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH!" Mordecai and Rigby cried joyfully into the thoughcriminal's ear.

"Down with Big Brother," he whispered. Rigby slapped him.

"Shut up!" he cried. "The cops'll be here soon!"

"Yeah, you're goin' in the slammer for a long time!" Mordecai said as the Thought Police finally arrived and the crowd parted. As they grabbed on to the man, he struggled and kicked, but Mordecai and Rigby each grabbed a leg as it shot out to try and hit them. The Thought Police grabbed his arms, and they all forced him into one of the police cars. Barman appeared and handed them the clue.

"Tat was the best darn tougt crimnal catchin' i ever saw! Care for a free drink, on the ouse?" he asked. The Regular guys obliged, and when they were done with their drinks they read the clue.

"Make your way to...sweet, the next Pitstop, at the Rocket Bomb factory!" Mordecai read. He and Rigby hailed one last cab and told the driver where they wanted to go, just as the trolls were arriving. Vriska scowled at them as they rolled down the windows.

"See ya later, losers!" Rigby cried.

"You'll never find the guy!" Mordecai taunted.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH!" they whooped as the driver sped away to their destination.

_Teams must now make their way to the Rocket Bomb Factory, the Pitstop for this leg of the race. The last team to check in may be eliminated._

_"It was so sweet to be in first, and all thanks to Rigby!" Mordecai cried. "He's the best person I could have for this crazy race!"_

_"Finding that guy before Mordecai did...it was awesome!" Rigby cried. "But...I kinda felt bad. I mean, we didn't really know if he was an actual criminal or not...he wasn't, right?"Rigby asked the producers. They shrugged._

Vriska and Tavros searched around the bar, hoping to find the thoughtcriminal and catch up to Mordecai and Rigby.

"wE SHALL MEET, IN A PLACE, WHERE THERE IS, NO DARKNESS," Tavros said to each patron, keeping track of who each one was. Vriska, meanwhile, tried using her powers to get them to confess, but each person's mind was already under Big Brother's influence.

"We'll meet where there's no darkness!" she cried to middle-aged man with sagging cheeks. He shook his head and cried, but said nothing. Seeing that Vriska had already asked him, Tavros ignored him.

Team Rocket arrived shortly afterward. Jessie looked around at the patrons and asked James nervously:

"How are we going to find the right criminal?" she asked James.

"I've got an idea. Mime Jr., use Teeter Dance!" he commanded. Mime Jr. nodded evilly.

"Mime mimemime...MIME MIME MIME MIME!" Mime Jr. cried, waving its arms around as if it were on some sort of drugged hawaiin acid trip. Suddenly, all the Party members stopped what they were doing and copied Mime Jr.'s crazy dance while staying in place.

"Now that they're all stuck, it should be easy for us to keep track of everything!" James cried to Jessie as a wave of hyper anime geek-infected citizens of Airstrip One danced all around them.

"We shall meet in a place where there is no darkness!" James cried.

"We shall meet in a place where there is no darkness!" Jessie cried.

"Mimemimemimemimemimemime!" Mime Jr. cried.

Although Tavros eventually found himself succumbing to the rabidness of the situation, Vriska was too cool to be swept up like this.

"We shall meet where there's no darkness!" she cried to various people. They all shook their heads.

"i THINK, YOU'RE SAYING IT, WRONG. YOU HAVE TO SAY, WE SHALL MEET, IN A PLACE, WHERE THER IS, NO DARKNESS, THOSE EXACT WORDS," Tavros said while waving his now digitless arms around like an idiot as his head swelled and eyes were forced shut.

"Shut up! Shouldn't you 8e, well, not helpful?" Vriska cried in frustration.

"_I call foul! That move 8y Team Rocket was so cheap!" she cried. "They can't just use their pokemon to hypnotize people, that's like...what i do!" she complained._

_"It was so delightful seeing Vriska seethe with rage," Jessie said. "And she didn't even realize that she was getting it wrong the whole time! And the one time her teammate helped her, she spurned him!"_

But suddenly, as Jessie asked the right person, everyone stopped dancing, and the thoughtcriminal tried to flee. Within minutes the Thought Police arrived. Jessie sent out her Seviper to help, which immediately wrapped around the criminal as he was being taken away. Seviper released its grip only after the man was stuffed in the back of the car. Barman handed them the clue as the trolls kept searching.

"Make your way to...the next Pitstop!" Jessie cried. She and James headed off in a taxi, but not before Jessie cried to Vriska:

"Don't worry, dear, there will be plenty of dust left for you to eat at the winner's circle!"

"Tough 8r8k! Another team's pro8a8ly 8eat you 8y now!" Vriska called back. Jessie, now enraged, yelled to her driver:

"ROCKET BOMB FACTORY, AND STEP ON IT!"

Regular Guys: currently in First

Team Rocket: currently in Second

Scratch and Hella Jeff finally emerged from the Ministry of Love at roughly the same time. But Robotnik, seeing as he was fat and slow, took just a few seconds longer to get into his taxi.

"We need to get to the Minstry of PIEce!" Sweet Bro cried frantically.

"To the Ministry of Peace!" Robotnik cried, holding up a peace sign briefly.

Once again, it was a race between the final two teams to see who wouldn't come in last.

SBaHJ: currently in Nineth

Robotnik: currently in Last

Mario and Luigi, after much effort, finally finished a new edition of the Sahara Push. But when they submitted it to their Party overseer, he said:

"Doubleplusgood. But as the official authors of this article, we will need to have your photographs in our databases, in case we have to wipe away all traces of your existence if another revision to the Sahara Push needs to be made."

"Can't you-a just take a-pictures of our passports?" Mario asked.

"I'm afraid not. You'll have to head down to the lower floors to the photography studio. Then return to me with the pictures, and I will give you the clue."

The Mario bros. rushed off to go find the studio.

Pinky returned to the Brain with makeup and ink. Brain had just finished editing out all evidence of Acme Labs.

"Doubleplusgood. Now vaporise yourselves!" their Party overseer said.

"Brain, the brothers are going there to finish up, too, but I know where it is and they don't!" Pinky cried as they scampered off.

"I never thought I'd say this, but Pinky, lead the way!" Brain cried. Pinky ran as fast as he could to the lower floors of the studio, while the Mario Bros. checked a nearby map of the building and went further down as well.

"Detour: Rectify or Vaporise?" Spongebob asked.

"Rectify sounds too hard. Let's try Vaporise," Squidward suggested.

"Gir, quickly! We must head to the Chestnut Tree!" Zim cried, taking a cue from Squidward.

"Servo, let's do rectify! It'll be like riffing history!" Crow said.

"Sounds good to me!" Servo cried.

"Cache a THOT criminal? How can we DO that wen we can HARDly THINK?" Sweet Bro asked.

"Let's try ERECTIFY," Hella Jeff suggested. They went off to the Ministry of Truth.

"Uh, what do you think we should do, your Saginess?" Scratch asked.

"I DON'T KNOW, JUST ANYTHING!" Robotnik cried. "We might lose if we're not careful, thanks to your stupidity!"

"Okay, okay, uh...we'll do vaporise!" Scratch said, getting back into the taxi.

"_This leg has been disastrrrous for us! If Scratch hadn't chickened out at the Ministry, we would have at least been in some position other than last!" Robotnik cried. "It's going to take all of my strength and skill to survive now!"_

_"Robotnik is really mad at me," Scratch said. "But when I think about it, he might have a good reason to be. I really hope we don't lose because of me!"_

The remaining teams made a mad dash for their respective Detours, hoping to somehow come out on top.

Mordecai and Rigby were the first to arrive at the Pit Stop, panting and exhausted when they reached the entrance doors of the factory. There they saw a plain-looking woman with Bill.

"So, uh, are you available after you finish your announcements for the day?" Bill asked.

"Of course, not, comerade! And even if I was, I'm in the Anti-sex League!"

"What about the Anti-datin' League?" Bill asked. But Mordecai and Rigby had arrived before he could get his answer.

"Welcome to Airstrip One!" the telescreen lady said.

"Thank you!" Mordecai and Rigby replied.

"Mordecai and Rigby...you are team number 1!" Bill cried.

"YEAH!" Rigby cried.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!" They both whooped and cheered.

"What do we win?" Mordecai asked.

"An all expenses paid trip to...uh...Arlen!" Bill cried. Mordecai scratched his head.

"Uh...okay. It dosen't mattter, we won!" he cried.

"Only for now, comerades," the telescreen lady said.

Regular Guys: First, arriving at 8:42 PM

"_That was awesome, coming in first!" Rigby cried. "I really helped us improve from last time, and it feels great to go from 8th to winner!"_

_"Now that we've won, Rigby's not gonna feel guilty about the first leg," Mordecai said. "I didn't really care that much, but throughout this entire leg I could see that he was still feelin' bad about it. Now that he thinks he's proven himself to me, he won't be so upset anymore, and we'll both be able to race with the best of 'em! Hope we do good on the next leg, too!"_

Team Rocket also arrived, and the lady gave them the same greeting as she had the Regular Guys.

"You are team number 2!" Bill cried.

"YES, YES! WE BEAT VRISKA!" Jessie cried. "Forget about the blackmail, we've beaten that witch at her own game of treachery."

"Jess, remember where we are!" James said. "Is is it really worth yelling about!"

"Yes, it is! I-oh, wait, Bill, you're here. You heard about the blackmail, I guess?" she said.

"That's fine. The viewers responded positively. Especially one angry viewer from Alternia."

"Oh, so no penalty?" Jessie said.

"Nope. You guys are still in second!" Bill said.

Team Rocket: Second, arriving at 8: 51 pm.

"_Since we did so good in this leg, hopefully Jessie will relax a little now," James said._

_"Huh. I feel...empty inside. Like that was some sort of hollow victory. Come to think of it, why was I so mad at Vriska? Just because she had some abilities that I don't, and I thought they were unfair? But now it turns out it was fair all along...I owe her an apology. If there's one thing this race has taught me, it's that we all have our talents, and that sometimes they may work-in my case, and sometimes they may not-as they didn't for her at the beginning. I think I'll have a talk with her when she gets here."_

Pinky and the Brain were the first to arrive at the studio. As they were altering their bodies-dying their fur black, shaving off some of it, changing their facial expressions, and Brain trying to straighten his tail-the Mario Bros. arrived at had their picture taken immediately. Pinky and the Brain had their picture taken less than a minute afterward. The photographer, not realizing there was a race going on, went to go and develop the photos at the same time. Thus began an awkward waiting period for the two teams.

"So...you ever been in a video game?" Luigi asked.

"About as often as you guys allow your princess save you," Brain replied.

"So, a-never?" Mario asked, hoping that they wouldn't know about Super Princess Peach.

"Once," Brain corrected.

The two teams got their photos back at the same time and immediately headed off.

"Brain, I remember where we were!" Pinky cried as they scampered upward. Before Brain could question how, he found himself following Pinky back to the upper floors of the Ministry. Pinky gave the photographs back to the Party overseer, and he exchanged them for the clue.

"Make your way to the next Pit Stop! YES!" Brain cried.

The Mario bros., following behind, also exchanged their pictures for a clue.

"A-make your way to the next a-Pit Stop!" Luigi cried. Just as the Mario bros. left the Ministry, SBaHJ and the Bots came in.

"Oh, crap, Servo, teams are beating us!" he cried.

"I know, I know! Let's just get through this!" he cried. "The more obscure the reference, the better!" he said as they received their first rectification assignment.

"This is ill be ESY!" Sweet Bro declared as he and Hella Jeff got their first rectification.

Back at the Chestnut Tree, Vriska grew nervous when she saw Spongebob, Squidward, Zim, Gir, Robotnik and Scratch arrive, all around the same time.

"We shall meet in a place where there is no darkness!"

"We shall meet in a place where there is no darkness!"

"We'll meet in a place where there's no dark!"

"wE SHALL MEET, IN A PLACE, WHERE THERE IS, NO DARKNESS."

"WE SHALL MEET IN PLACE WHERE THERE IS NO DARKNESS! NOW! YOUR RESISTANCE WILL BE NOTED!"

"EEEEEEEEEEENO DARKNESS! EEEEEEE!"

"We shall meet in a place where there is no darkness! Did I get that right?"

"HURRRRRRRRRRY!" Robotnik cried frantically.

Teams searched frantically, practically checking each patron twice. Finally, Tavros asked the right person, who responded:

"Is it time already?" he said. As he made his way through the crowd and to the door, Vriska used her powers to put him to sleep. He did so with almost no resistance, and the Thought Police loaded him up easily. Barman gave them their next clue.

"I talked to that same guy, like, 8 times, and he wouldn't answer!" Vriska cried.

"tHAT'S BECAUSE, YOU DIDN'T SAY IT RIGHT," Tavros replied.

"That's total yourshit!"

"wHAT ABOUT, MY FECES?" Tavros asked.

"It's like 8ullshit, only instead it's yourshit."

"wHAT'S, A BULL?"

"Earth four-legged version of a muscle8east, without the muscles."

"oH."

"_I really hope Jessa-8itch hads't gotten to the Pit Stop yet! I wanna 8eat her and prove to her that Vriska Serket is not someone to 8e taken lightly enough to 8lackmail!"_

The rest of the teams searched frantically. Until finally:

"We shall meet in the place where there is no darkness!" Scratch said. The woman he spoke to grew nervous.

"No, please, not Room 101!" she cried, heading for the exit. Robotnik was quick to pounce on top of her, his fat butt crushing her.

"You're not going anywhere until the Thought Police arrrive!" Robotnik said as the woman struggled to get out.

"_Looks like Scratch did something useful after all!" Robotnik said in his confessional. "I suppose I can keep with me in the rrrace for just a little longer than I thought...but if he messes up agayn, I'LL BE FURRRIOUS!"_

_"Take that, Grounder! Robotnik likes me best, ha-ha, ha-HA!" Scratch boasted in his confessional._

Pinky and the Brain were the next ones to arrive at the Pitstop.

"You are team number 3!" Bill cried.

"Hmm. That's one position below last time," Brain said. "No matter. We still emerged somewhat victorious, thanks to our...combined efforts."

"Oh, I thought you were going to say new looks!" Pinky said, proud of the green contact lenses he had found that made his eyes a dazzling emerald, and the powder that had made his fur a jet black.

Mice: Third, arriving at 9:20 PM

The Mario Brothers were next, arriving just minutes after the mice.

"You are team number 4!" Bill cried.

"YAHOOO!" Mario cried, accidentally endorsing Yahoo. This did not please Google, and as such the comment was edited out.

Mario bros: Fourth, arriving at 9:23 PM

"And finally, the last nuke was launched by the rogue state of Crowtopia upon the peaceful agrarian-albeit Eurasian allied-land of Servoville."

"What are you talking about, peacefull agrarian village?" Servo asked as Crow received his next rectification.

"I'm just kidding. Man, this place is like Google without all the colors!" Crow cried.

"So, Microsoft?" Servo asked.

"No, Microsoft as a nice baby blue and-WILL YOU GET ON WITH YOUR WORK?!" Crow cried. Servo rushed to finish his piece on the true meaning of Christmas in space before getting his next assignment.

Bots: 2/4 rectifications

Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff, meanwhile, were smashing the keyboards with bad speelling, por grammer, and and andhoribbile writng style.

"This is...excellent!" the Party overseer proclaimed. "I hope you continue to work with us later on. Your falsification is amazing because of your ability to make it virtually unverifiable when the original evidence is destroyed!"

"TANKYALL," Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff said at once.

SBaHJ:2/4 ererticficcaions

Vriska and Tavros arrived at the Pitstop next.

"You are team number 5!" Bill said. Vriska sighed.

"wHAT'S WRONG? wE'RE STILL, IN THE RACE," Tavros reminded her. Vriska scowled.

"We could've 8eaten Jessie if she hadn't cheated. 8ut why is it that when I cheat, it doesn't even mattter!" she cried. Bill replied:

"Oh, neither of you technically cheated," Bill said. "We do it on a case-by-case basis, and we've generally determined that it's only cheating when you skip a challenge or use the wrong form of transportation. Other than that, anything goes! Unless we say otherwise."

"Oh...so that whole feud...it was just worthless?" Vriska mused.

Trolls: Fifth, arriving at 9:37 PM

Robotnik strode out to the Ministry, where O'Brien was waiting for him.

"Robotnik. Good to see you again," he said simply. "On behalf of the Party and myself, welcome to Airstrip One."

"Oh, O'Brien, it's been so long!" Robotnik cried, but O'Brien simply stepped aside. Turning to Bill, he whispered:

"The vaporisation process was inadequate in those days. Robotnik is still suffering from the Stockholm syndrome brought about by myself. I was his rehabilitator, you see. By 1980, we had perfected the system."

"Oh, is Stockholm Syndrome when you suddenly feel Swedish?" Bill asked. "Because I don't think I've ever had that."

Robotnik: Sixth, arriving at 9:40 PM

"Robotnik, Robotnik, yeah, yeah, yeah!" he cried. Robotnik, Robotnik, rrrah, rrrah, rrrah!" Then he glared at Scratch.

"You're not applauding!" he said. Scratch shook his head.

"I was the one that saved us from elimination, not you!" he said. Robotnik suddenly growled, whipped out a rrray gun from hammerspace, and cried:

"I DON'T REMEMBER PROGRAMMING YOU TO SUBVERT ME!"

"Oh, yeah? Well I just did!" Scratch said, leaving in a huff.

"Brrr...brrrrgh...behbhrrghrbrhbhgrbhrbhrbbrghrgbrghbrbgrhbghhbgggrgbhghr...YOU'LL PAY FOR THAT, SCRATCH! YOU'LL SEE! I'LL PUT YOU OUT OF THE RACE, FOR GOOD! YOU'LL BE LEFT DOWN TO IRON FILINGS WHEN I'M THROUGH WITH YOUR TREASONOUS METAL HIDE!"

_"I don't have any regrets," Scratch said. "Hmph! Robotnik's just a big jerk."_

_"I knew I was wrong to pick Scratch!" Robotnik cried. "I'll just have to get another partner. But who? Oh, of course..."_

Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff had finished their last rectification, chaning Big Brother from a benevolent dictator into a basketball star keeping it real about...AIDS.

"BB is too perfect to have terminal diseases," the Party overseer told them. "You'll have to revise further."

"AW, NOODLES! And we they were so GOOD, too!" Hella Jeff said.

"...And done. The history of the poison potato is finished!" Crow cried as he gave it to the Party overseer for their last rectification. The overseer nodded and handed them their clue, and the Bots immediately headed out.

"Comone, man, we have to be faster than Sonickart!" Sweet Bro cried to Hella Jeff as they scribbled furiously on their documents describing Big Brother. Finally, they presented their results to their overseer.

"Only plusgood. There is very little information about Big Brother here at all, only that he exists. Good enough." she handed them their next clue.

The remaining teams at the Chestnut Tree all scrambled desperately to try and find the last two thought criminals.

"WE SHALL MEET IN A PLACE...WHERE THERE IS NO DARKNESS!" Zim cried to one man. He suddenly grew scared and ran for the exit, but Zim shot his leg with a ray gun.

"YOUR RESISTANCE WILL BE NOTED!" he cried as the Thought Police arrived. Squidward moaned as he and Gir went off to the Pitstop.

"What's the use? We're probably losing, anyway," Squidward said. Spongebob scowled, refusing to see Squidward have such a defeatist attitude. And as he asked around, he finally found the final thought criminal. Holding him down until the Thought Police arrived, Squidward headed back to the cab, bored. But Spongebob snatched him and placed him in a random car with him. Spongebob stuck the key in (who was the idiot that left it unlocked?) and shifted into reverse.

"Backing up." he said this to Squidward, and the latter's eyes widened.

"No, Spongebob, don't do it, it's too risky!" Squidward cried.

"Did we come to be sad and mopey and lose, or did we come to race?" Spongebob asked him. Squidward suddenly thought back to what had happened to him in the Ministry of Love, realizing that this was why Spongebob was his teammate.

"Go ahead," he said. "Back. It up." Spongebob took a deep breath, and yelled:

"BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP! BACKING UP, BACKING UP, BACKING UP!"

And the two Bikini Bottomites went as far backwards towards the direction of the Rocket Bomb factory they could go.

Just then, Spongebob and Squidward came roaring backwards out of nowhere, and Robotnik sreamed differently from the way he had before in the plane.

"What did we win?" Squidward asked.

"Well, you violated the rules, so I can't let you in yet. Since you didn't take a taxi, like everyone else, you'll be waiting a 10 minute penalty," Bill said.

Minutes later, the Bots arrived.

"You are team number 8!" Bill cried.

Bots: Eighth, arriving at 10:07 PM

"Thank goodness we lost those JPG things back at the light!" Servo said. "Hey, what's with the sponge and the squid?" he asked as he saw them waiting by the pitstop.

"They have to wait out a penalty," Bill said. "I haven't counted them yet."

Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff arrived next.

"You are team number 9!" Bill declared.

SBaHJ: Nineth, arriving at 10:09 PM

"Those robots just put MILES BEHIND this hot cab!" Hella Jeff said in amazement.

"How HIGH to you have do BE to even do something like that?" Sweet Bro asked.

"No, DUDE, your doing it wrong..."

"DUDE..."

"Squidward, do you think we'll lose?" Spongebob asked.

"It really doesn't matter anymore, Spongebob," Squidward said. "The important thing is that my brain survived in one peace. It was fun racing with you."

"Thanks. I'm glad I picked you instead of Patrick. We would have lost the first leg!" Spongebob laughed.

Zim and Gir finally arrived last.

"Zim, Gir, you are the last team to arrive," Bill said.

Invaders: Almost last, arriving at 10:13 PM

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Zim and Gir both cried in despair.

"But there's good news! Because Squidward and Spongebob are still waiting out a penalty, you guys have survived elimination! But they have not," Bill said. This last piece of news was only heard by the Sea Creatures.

"Sorry, guys, but rules are rules, and even though they're kinda new at this point I still have to go by them," Bill said.

"That's fine," Squidward said. "I had fun anyway."

Sea Creatures: Last

_"Spongebob, there's something I have to tell you," Squidward said to Spongebob in their first and last confessional together._

_"Gasp! Did you finally get Mr. Krabs to give you a raise?" Spongebob asked._

_"Ha, I wish! That old cheapskate-oh, wait, he's watching this-no, Spongebob. When I was in the Ministry, my worst fear was going back into that thingy the Flying Dutchman sent me through. Remember?"_

_"All I can remember is...shudder...the perfume department."_

_"Oh. Well, when that happened, I got to see what would happen if I was sucessful as Squilliam. And, well, I realized that, even though you were finally out of the picture, just like I would have wanted you to be originally, it was so...let's just say I didn't like the way you turned out."_

_"So, did you ask for a refund?" Spongebob asked._

_"Uh...yeah. I asked for a refund, and I decided that I'd rather have a living, babbling, loud sponge than a dead one."_

_"Why would I be dead?" Spongebob asked._

_"Uh, never mind. Could you just whip me up some patties? You know how I'm practically addicted to them now."_

_"Aye aye, capn!"_

_"Heh, captain. I like the sound of that. Call me that from now on."_


	3. Big rock, ten o'clock!

_Last time on the Amazing Race..._

_10 teams set out from New New York to Airstrip One, a dystopian version of Britain that came about after Big Brother and the Party conquered the Americas and the British Empire after WWII._

_The second of the two planes carrying the teams to this location had a terrifying experience that locals were used to._

_"I thought they had a RULE about KNOW TERRORISTS!"_

_"Eh, is this a normal thing?"_

_"Don't worry, they always explode at a safe distance!"_

_Once in Airstrip One's version of London, teams had mixed reactions about their new surroundings._

_"This is exactly the kind of world the Tallest would have turned Earth into, had those human scum-things not bought my candy!"_

_"This is not the London I knew..."_

_"iT MUST BE AWFUL, TO LIVE IN OCEANIA, AND i THINK i GOT TO SEE, A SIDE OF IT, THAT THE PARTY, DOESN'T WANT ANYONE TO SEE..."_

_At the Roadblock, teams were psychologically tortured in the Ministry of Love by their old nemeses. _

_"You see, Crow, no matter how many horrible movies you mock, there will always be 2 worse movies in their place."_

_"Squilliam, you may be able to buy out everything I have, but you could never pay me enough to say that you're better than me!"_

_Some handled it better than others._

_"Ow, ow, ow! Could you guys stop for just a second?"_

_"HAHAHAHAHA! KEEP GOING, KEEP GOING!"_

_"The Magic Voyage? I've heard of this...wait, no, no, no, nonononononNOOOOOO!"_

_At the Detour, teams went to either the Ministry of Truth and rectified various things for the Party..._

_"Uh, BB not six-six, but five-six. Change?"_

_"But Brain, I don't even know what 'erectify' means!"_

_Or went to the Chestnut Tree Café and caught a thought criminal._

_"WE SHALL MEET IN A PLACE WHERE THERE IS NO DARKNESS!"_

_Neighbors SpongeBob and Squidward broke a race rule by using a citizen's car instead of a taxi in an attempt to save time..._

_"No, SpongeBob, don't do it, it's too risky!"_

_"Did we come this far to be sad and mopey and lose, or did we come to race?"_

_"Back. It up."_

_...but it ultimately cost them the race._

_"Zim, Gir, you are the last team to arrive."_

_"Nooooooooooooooooooooo..."_

_"But there's good news! Because SpongeBob and Squidward are still waiting out a penalty, you guys have survived elimination! But they have not,"_

_"I decided that I'd rather have a living, babbling, annoying sponge than a dead one."_

_"Why would I be dead?"_

_"Never mind."_

_Now, 9 teams remain. Who will be eliminated next?_

The rest of the teams checked into a hotel exclusive for Inner Party members. They were shocked by the running water, servants, and telescreens with off switches.

"yOU CAN, TURN IT OFF?" Tavros asked O'Brien, who was hosting the dinner party for the racers.

"Yes," he replied. "We have that privelige."

In contrast to the bleak, gray world of Oceania, the Inner Party hotel was elegant and almost completely white. White building, white walls, white tablecloths, et cetera, unstained by the proletariat masses. The remaining racers tried to enjoy their food, but the depressing atmosphere of this leg of the race seemed to sink their spirits.

"So, uh...what did you guys all get to do in Room 101? I watched the Magic Voyage," Crow said in an almost boastful tone.

"i DON'T, WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT," Tavros said.

"...Wobuffet won't tell me," Jessie said.

"I fell down a bunch of stairs, BRO!" Hella Jeff declared.

"Uh, I didn't actually get to it!" Scratch said.

"Neither did I!" said Zim. "Of course, if I had, they would have just given me the clue anyway, since I have no fears to speak of."

"What about-?" Gir began.

"SILENCE!" Zim bellowed.

"I had to face all my friends in the form of amusement park mascots!" Rigby said. Everyone tried not to laugh.

"A hahahahhahahahahha! WHAT A STUPID FEAR!" Zim laughed.

"Back, off, Zim! You shouldn't be talking to Rigby like that, let alone be in this race," Mordecai said.

"oooooooooooo...it's goin' DOWN!" Sweet Bro cried.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME, PUNY BLUE BIRD!?" Zim demanded. "ARE YOU QUESTIONING THE LEGITIMACY OF MY RACING SKILLS!?"

"No, I'm just sayin' you're only here cause' somebody else cheated. If I was in charge, you'd be out and they'd be in."

"Well, you're not in charge, so Zim remains!" Zim cried, leaving in a huff with Gir.

"Come, Gir. We must plan for the next leg of the raaaace!" Zim said.

"But I haven't finished my victory tacos!" Gir cried.

"Just take them with you to our room!" Gir obeyed and followed Zim out.

"Has a-anybody else noticed that the teams in first and a-last in the legs so far kinda develop this a-rivalry?" Luigi pointed out.

"Yeah, you're right. Zim's a jerk, but we're not gonna let this rivalry trend become a thing, otherwise nobody's gonna wanna win. I'd rather lose because everybody tried rather than just win cause' nobody cared," Mordecai agreed.

"So, we're not gonna try and stop Zim?" Rigby asked.

"Nope."

"Aww."

_"This sort of thing was bound to happen, anyway. Besides, I was kinda out of line, sayin' that to Zim's face. Hope he doesn't hold it against us later," Mordecai said._

"Well, since we're all trying to abstain from rivalries for the time being, I'd like to say somthing," Jessie declared, turning to the trolls. "Vriska, I'm sorry for threatening you earlier. It turns out that neither of us have cheated so far."

"Yeah, I know. It was kinda stupid, to begin with. I mean, we're not gonna 8e at the top of our game if we just get pissed at each other for dum8 reasons."

"Yes, I think there was too much jealousy before," Jessie went on. "Maybe I deserved to be brought into the Ministry when Wobuffet got scared." In saying this, she sent out her Wobuffet.

"Wobba wobba?" Wobuffet asked nervously.

"What happened at the Ministry?" Jessie asked him. Wobuffet explained, but only Jessie could understand him.

"Is that it? Wobuffet, I would never dream of leaving you to be destroyed. Whenever we blast off, it's always with you, and you know that," Jessie said, hugging him. "I'm sorry I was so harsh before."

"Wobba, wobba," Wobuffet said, hugging Jessie back. Pinky had tears in his eyes.

"Egad, Brain, this is so heartwarming!" he cried, sniffling. Brain rolled his eyes.

"Ignore the emotion and study the changing attitudes of the racers towards each other," Brain instructed him.

"And Vriska, I think I need to make it up to you somehow. How's about we join forces?" Jessie asked. Vriska paused.

"iT SOUNDS, LIKE A GOOD IDEA," Tavros suggested.

"I like the sound of it, too!" James agreed. "If we combine our tenacity together-"

"More Vriska's and mine," Jessie corrected him.

"-We'll 8e unstoppa8le!" Vriska cried. "Sure, why not? 8ut it's only for now." she and Jessie shook hands. Vriska then turned to the others and declared:

"Hear that, every8ody? Team Rocket and the FLARP champion of Alternia have joined forces to kick all your asses! All of them."

"Uh, I don't really_ have _an ass," Servo pointed out.

"And HOURS are PROTECTED by footie pyjaymias!" Hella Jeff reminded her.

"Fine, then, we'll just have Carnivine swallow you!" James declared.

"aND, UH, I DON'T REALLY KNOW, WHAT I WOULD DO," Tavros said non threateningly.

"Okay, everybody, departure times are still 12 hours after you arrival at the Pit Stop. Good night and good luck! The clue for the next leg of the race will be slipped under the doors of your rooms tonight," Bill said.

Current Standings:

1st: Mordecai and Rigby

2nd: Jessie and James

3rd: Pinky and the Brain

4th: Mario and Luigi

5th: Vriska and Tavros

6th: Robotnik and Scratch

7th: Crow and Servo

8th: Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff

Last: Zim and Gir

"Hey, Mordecai, you think we should try an alliance, or something?" Rigby asked.

"Nah, it's stupid. The teams'll just be at each other's throats before long," he said.

"Pinky, the competition is beginning to seek shelter through alliances," Brain remined him as they went back to their room. "I want you to approach Robotnik with an offer. We can afford for him to refuse us at the moment, but he probably won't because he knows just how close he is to going home."

"Okay, Brain!" Pinky said, preparing to head out and search for Robotnik's room as Brain unpacked.

"Dr. Robotnik," Pinky said to himself in preparation in front of his door, "The Brain requests-"

But Pinky was immediately crushed by the door as Robotnik broke it down, strode down the hall to Brain's room, and broke down that door as well.

"I take it that you're here for the offer?" Brain asked unflinchingly.

"What offer? I'm here to ask if you'll join me in an alliance," Robotnik declared.

"That's just what I sent Pinky out to do. Where is he?"

"Oh...uh, I may have stepped in something as I broke down the doors," Robotnik said. Brain then saw a dazed Pinky returning to his room.

"Pinky, are you all right?" Brain asked.

"I think so, Brain, but what if someone eats all the cheese before you do?" Pinky asked woozily, then collapsed. Robotnik gently placed him on the bed.

"He'll be fine," Brain reassured him. "I would ask that you refrain from stepping on us next time, however."

"Of course! I knew we'd make a good alliance!" And the two shook hands. But then Zim appeared and said:

"AHA! I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING!"

"If you mean forming an alliance to counteract the one formed by the girls, then yes," Brain said.

"Specifically, this alliance is designed for those who try to take over the world."

"Oh! Uh, that would be me!" Zim cried. "Well, I'm only doing so for the Tallest, but I suppose that counts!"

"And I as well!" Robotnik said. "Although the world in question is Mobius and not Earth!"

"Very well, then. Here's the contract," Brain said, handing them each a human-sized document.

"The terms state that we will only try to help each other when possible. No booking flights for each other, but we will try to help each other out on challenges, and we are not allowed to use Yields and U-turns on alliance members. If any one of us breaks the rules of this contract, then the entire alliance is dissolved." Zim and Robotnik agreed and signed the contract.

_"Hopefully, the others see that the alliance is only temporary," Brain said in his confessional. "I only made this in order to either advance the other two teams with me to the final three-so that I may defeat them easily because they are far weaker-or use them to protect Pinky and myself from elimination, if possible."_

"Man, Servo, this race is getting rougher than a child beauty pagent!" Crow cried. "Should we get into one of those alliance things?"

"Of course not! It'll only slow us down!" Servo said.

"JOYNERING FORCS is so stoopid!" Sweet Bro told Hella Jeff when he suggested something similiar.

"A-no, Luigi, you're the only a-teammate I should have to keep up with!" Mario said.

The teams then all went to sleep, anxious for the next leg of the race.

Regular Guys: First to depart at 8:42 AM

"Go to the Glorious Airport and book a flight to...Ba Sing Se and head to the center of the west walls?" Mordecai read. "Where is that?"

"We can figure that out later!" Rigby cried. "Let's just get to the airport quickly, since there it should be open now and we can get a flight before other teams even show up!"

_Teams must now go to the Glorious Airport, the same one that they arrived in Airstrip One in, and book a flight to Ba Sing Se, the capitol city of the Earth Kingdom. Once they arrive in the city, they must travel by any means to reach the center of the west-side outer wall, the one that was partially penetrated by a Fire Nation drill. On the battlements of the walls the teams will be given their next clue._

Mordecai and Rigby arrived at the airport at 8:45, and much to their delight it was open. They immediately headed inside and searched all the airlines for a flight to Ba Sing Se.

"Do you have any flights to Ba Sing Se?" Mordecai asked a clerk.

"So sorry, comrade, but Party Flights has no scheduled flights to that city today," she said.

"What about you?" Rigby asked, pointing to a clerk for Dimensional Airlines.

"We have one flight leaving at 9:39 and arriving at 3:45," the clerk replied.

"We'll book it!" Mordecai replied.

"_I think we got the best flight! It leaves before some of the teams are even allowed to get going!" Mordecai cried. "At this rate, we should get to Ba Sing Se first unless some other team shows up soon!"_

Mordecai and Rigby: First on Dimensional

But little did he know that he was being watched by a tiny, mouse-sized drone built by Brain the night before that had planted itself in the feathers on Mordecai's shoulder.

"Dimensional airlines is the flight we'll be taking," Brain explained to Robotnik and Zim as called each of them at once on his hotel room's phone.

"Excellent espionage, Brain! What time does it leave?" Robotnik asked.

"9:39. Neither you nor Zim will be able to make it, but it's the earliest leaving flight, as far as I know. When I get to the airport, I'll see if there are any others. But I won't be booking them for you. You will be on your own then."

"CURSE YOU, FLIGHT SCHEDULE!" Zim dragged James out of bed, stuffing toast into his mouth.

"Come on, we have to hurry! The airport's probably open, and we might be able to catch a flight before the others even show up!"

"Mmpmpmmhmph," James replied. As they were about to head down the elevator and leave the hotel, Jessie saw Vriska open the door of her room.

"Hey!" she called to them, "Good luck!"

"You too!" Jessie said.

"_I'm glad that I stopped worrying about Vriska. It's nice to try and make a friend, rather than an enemy. When you're in a criminal organization that steals pokemon, you tend to make a lot of those," Jessie said. "Heck, if James and I won this thing, we could quit our jobs at last!"_

_"Yeah, it's nice to know that Jessie can't play the 8lackmail card anymore, 8ut she's an idiot if she thinks that we can just play it casual for the rest of the race. Just cause' we're not rivals anymore doesn't mean I'm irrelevant! 8ut I guess I could help Jessie for a while, if she helps me 8ack. It'll 8e good to have our teams look out for each other...only to a8andon each other when the time comes."_

Jessie and James: second to depart, at 8:51 AM

Team Rocket arrived at the airport at 8:54, and when they did so they sent out their pokemon and ordered them to split up.

"Find us the fastest flight, quickly!" Jessie cried. The pokemon scattered to do so, but caught the attention of the police, who whipped out their tasers.

"No, stop! Their ours!" Jessie cried as one of the cops fired his taser at Seviper. The snake coiled up in pain, and Jessie stooped to nurse him.

"Pokemon are not allowed to be unsupervised," one of the officers said.

"Neither should you, if you keep abusing your power!" Jessie cried. "Believe me, pal, I've seen police brutality, and you and your goons pretty much fit the bill!"

"Jessie, we really shouldn't get trouble with them," James said as he returned his pokemon. But Jessie sprayed a potion on Seviper, healing him, and sent out Yanmega and Wobuffet as well.

"You don't want to get on my bad side!" Jessie declared as she and her pokemon stared down at the cop.

"A foolish decision," the officer said, whipping out a pokeball of his own, to Jessie's surprise.

"What?! You have pokemon too?!" she cried.

"Yes, they are standard issue," the officer replied. "If you win, I won't turn you in. If you lose..."

"I get the picture," Jessie replied. Turning to James, she said, "Go find us a flight. This won't take long."

_"I'm tired of being bossed around by police! Sure, I'm a criminal, but I'm tired of being on the run from these people! It doesn't matter whether they're from Airstrip One or Kanto, I want revenge for every time those twerps blasted me off, and every time that I was arrested by their goody-goody cop friends! No more lame disguises, no more cheap tricks! This ends today!"_

"Okay, then," James said meekly. He turned to the Dimensional Airlines counter and asked for their flight. When he was told when it would arrive, he called the trolls on a phone booth (cell phones were not allowed during the race).

"The flight leaves at 9:39. It's the only one I know of so far. You probably won't be able to make it," James said.

"We need to at least try! 8ook it for us and you guys, 8ut cancel our tickets if we can't make it! Say, where's Jess?" Vriska asked.

"She's...all tied up," James replied. "I'm waiting for her to finish...business."

"Pfft! Earth females and their 8athrooms!" Vriska laughed.

"Um...yes. Good luck!" he said. "If there are any later flights, I'll let you know, but I won't be able to book them for you." They both hung up.

"dO YOU THINK, WE CAN MAKE, THAT FLIGHT?" Tavros asked. She made no response, busy planning their next move.

"Pinky, are you ready for another day of racing?" Brain asked as Pinky finished washing his ears.

"Sure am, Brain! Where are we going next?" Pinky asked as Brain read the clue.

"Ba Sing Se," Brain replied.

"Bossing Say? Who is this 'Say' person, and why are going to boss him?" Pinky wondered.

"No, Pinky. Ba Sing Se is the capital city of the Earth Kingdom. There exists in that world people who can manipulate the four elements-as described by Aristotle so long ago-and used them to fight. They're like regular humans, only much more powerful. Ba Sing Se, in particular, is filled with Earthbenders. While we are in the city, Pinky, you are not to cause trouble among them. I don't want you to do die in a horrific minature earthquake."

"Egad, Brain, how do you know about these people?" Pinky asked, ignoring his friend's warnings.

"I watched Avatar for a while. I wish they would show that place at some point in the Legend of Korra, but so far they've hardly been outside Republic City," Brain explained.

"Oh, I loved Avatar! But I don't think the Na'vi can bend Earth-" Brain grabbed Pinky's mouth.

"Pinky?"

"Yes Brain?"

"Don't mention that movie to my face. EVER AGAIN."

"Poit!"

"Good..."

Mario and Luigi woke up early, before their departure time, and we ready to go when it was time.

"We're a-going to Ba Sing Se next," Mario told Luigi.

"Where's a-that?" he said.

"Not really sure. I guess we'll a-find out!"

Mario bros: currently in Fourth

Pinky, the Brain, Mario and Luigi all arrived at the airport at 9:29. There they saw Jessie, ordering her Seviper to do battle against the officer's Hariyama. As the Seviper bit down on the Hariyama, the latter slammed its sturdy body to the ground, hoping to crush Seviper between it and its own weight.

"Egad, Brian, a pokemon battle!" Pinky cried. "I wish we had our own pokemon!"

"No, you don't. Let's just ignore them and find flights," Brain cried. He and Pinky went over to Federation Galactic Airlines.

"Do you have any flights to Ba Sing Se?" Brain asked as Mario and Luigi approached and waited in line behind them.

"Yes, comrade. We have one that leaves at 9:47 at arrives at 4:15," the clerk replied.

"Okay. We'll be back," Brain replied. As he and Pinky left for Dimensional airlines, Mario and Luigi were next.

"We'll a-take the flight you mentioned to them," Mario said.

Mario bros: first on Federation Galactic

_"I a-hope we picked the right flight," Mario said in his confessional. "I was a-wondering why the mice walked away from it. I mean, it could've a-be the only flight leaving now!"_

Brain and Pinky, meanwhile, went to Dimensional and booked that flight, realizing it was faster.

"You see, Pinky," Brain explained, "It's best to check every available flight, if you have time. Not only did we find a good flight for ourselves, we also found another one for our allies, albeit slower, that we tricked the Mario Bros. into going on."

"But won't Robotnik and Zim be going on that flight, too?" Pinky asked.

"Yes and no. Robotnik may be able to make it if he hurries, but Zim will not. The plane takes off before his departure time. He will have to find another flight for himself," Brain replied.

Pinky and the Brian: Second on Dimensional

"Tavros, have you noticed something?" Vriska asked him as he dried off his flat mohawk from the shower back at the hotel.

"uH, NOTICED WHAT, EXACTLY?"

"We've 8een in the middle of the pack for a while now and it has to stop!"

"wHAT, DO YOU MEAN? WE WON, THE FIRST LEG."

"Yeah, 8ut I found out that for a while in that same leg we were somewhere in the middle of the pack. And with the leg we just finished, fifth place is kind of middle-ish if you ask me! This means that we're starting to suck, and if we keep on sucking we'll 8e out of here!"

"sO, WHAT DO YOU WANT, TO DO?"

"I-I don't know, let's just get going! May8e siding with Team Rocket was a pretty good idea, if it can keep us alive until we catch up to them."

Trolls: currently in Fifth

As 9:37 rolled around, Vriska grabbed Tavros and headed up to the roof of the elevator.

"wHERE, ARE WE GOING?" Tavros asked as Vriska punched the elevator buttons to the roof.

"You won't 8e 'going' anywhere. I'll just drag you along, since you o8viously won't 8e a8le to do what I'm going to!" Vriska replied.

"aND THAT, WOULD BE, WHAT, EXACTLY?" he asked as they arrived on the rooftop of the hotel. Vriska spun his face towards him, a gleam in her eyes.

"We jump," she replied. And before Tavros could protest, he found Vriska dragging him along as she jumped from the tops of the gray, dilapidated buildings.

"Are you sure it's okay for me to be here?" Grounder asked Robotnik.

"Yes, I'm sure!" he replied. "I discussed changing partners with the producers, and they said it was okay, after I convinced them that you are just as incompotent as Scratch! But perhaps you'll be a bit more obedient..."

"Oh, don't worry, Dr. Robotnik! I'll be real obedient! Really!" Grounder replied.

"_This race is going to be so much fun! Especially when Robotnik and I win! I won't be like silly old Scratch and make him mad! That would make us lose!" Grounder said in his first confessional._

_"Grrrrounder will be so much easier to deal with than Scratch!" Robotnik declared. "I hope to surprise the other rrrracers with my new and improved teammate, and his various internal devices! Not even the Brain and Zim know about this!"_

Robotnik: currently in Sixth

Just then, Grounder's internal phone rang, and he answered it."It's for you," he said to Robotnik, and gave it to him. Robotnik snatched the phone and listened:

"Greetings. This is the Brain with a previously recorded message. There is a flight leaving at-" Pinky said the time- "9:47!" Brain then said the rest of the message: "That you will be able to catch if you hurry. It is not the first flight to arrive, but it is the best one available for you. Be prepared to receive further messages regarding the challenges during the leg. Good luck."

"GO GRRRROUNDER, GO!" Robotnik cried as they headed out the door, Robotnik's tiny legs taking his fat body as quickly as he could to the airport. Had he looked above him, he would have seen two trolls leaping from the rrrooftops to the same location.

At 9:39, Jessie was down to just her Wobuffet, forced to endure Crunch after Crunch from the officer's Houndoom, only for the resulting Counter to be resisted, dodged, or simply never occurring because Wobuffet was flinching.

"This isn't fair!" Jessie moaned. Wobuffet stood firm as Houndoom bit him multiple times, a few tears running down his face. He couldn't allow his master to lose now!

But just as Houndoom was ready to finish off Wobuffet, it suddenly felt a sharp pain in its side. The officer gasped as two figures fell from the ceiling, one landing on her feet with a cutlass in her hand, and the other toppling down and landing on top of the wounded Houndoom. Jessie couldn't believe her eyes, and Wobuffet jumped for joy.

"Vriska?!" How did you get here?!" Jessie cried.

"Doesn't matter. The Dimensional Flight. Has it left yet?" she asked hopefully. Just then, James arrived, hearing all the commotion.

"It's about to. I couldn't get tickets for you two," he said, referring to the trolls.

"Okay. Just go and catch your flight!" Vriska said. Tavros sidled up to her.

"Oh, good, you're okay. I knew those metal legs would 8r8k your fall!" she said.

"hOW ARE WE, GOING TO GET, THE SAME FLIGHT, AS THEM?" he asked as they hurried over to the counter.

"I don't know. We'll just have to get lucky," she replied.

"You'll have to wait on standy if you want the flight," the flight attendant explained. Vriska yawned and stretched.

"Hey, Tav, let me know when they say we can get on," she said as she closed her eyes.

"hOW, CAN YOU BE SURE, THAT THEY'LL LET US ON, IF WE'RE ON STANDBY?" Tavros asked. Vriska didn't answer.

Meanwhile, on the Dimensional flight that was waiting to take off, Jessie and James secured their bags and asked the flight attendant at the terminal:

"Are Tavros Nitram and Vriska Serket on this flight as well?" Jessie asked. "They're friends of ours," she explained.

"They are on standby," the flight attendant explained. Jessie thanked her and scanned the other passengers waiting to board. She saw Pinky and the Brain, Mordecai and Rigby, and two old ladies, each one with a heavy purse and an annoying, yapping dog that were somehow not in pet carriers.

"James, could you do a favor for me and those ladies?" she asked, whispering her plan to him.

"Yes," James said. He immediately headed to the bathroom and changed into the guise of middle-aged salesman. He then returned and asked the old ladies:

"Do you either of you have Life Alert? It could help you, if something were to happen to this plane," James said.

"Hmm? Life Alert?" one of the old ladies asked.

"Yes. All senior citizens should have Life Alert!" James replied. As he escorted the old ladies off the plane, he told them, "You'd be better off purchasing Life Alert before going on a dangerous flight like this one!" The old ladies were convinced and explained to the flight attendants that they would not be boarding. Vriska and Tavros were put on the list in their place.

Back at the counter, the flight attendant handed them their tickets and explained that two people had left.

"wOW, VRISKA, HOW, DID YOU KNOW, THAT THEY'D GET THE FLIGHT FOR US?" Tavros asked. Vriska said nothing and grinned.

"_It only makes sense for them to do something and get us off stand8y and onto the flight with them! I helped them out 8y getting rid of that Houndoom, and they were just returning the favor! I can 8e manipul8ive, and I can 8e 8itch, 8ut sometimes all I need to do to win is to just 8e a regular manipul8ive person!" Vriska said gleefully in her confessional._

Team Rocket: Third on Dimensional

Trolls: Last on Dimensional

Less than a minute after the trolls boarded, the Dimensional Airlines flight took off for Ba Sing Se.

Finally, Robotnik and Grounder arrived at the airport.

"WAIT, WAIT!" Robotnik cried as he headed to the Federation Galactic Transport counter, asking for the flight to Ba Sing Se.

"It hasn't left yet," the clerk explained. Robotnik exhaled a sigh of rrrrelief.

Robotnik: Second on Federal Galactic

"Oh, thank goodness!" he cried, heading off to the terminal. At 9:47, before the last 3 racers were even allowed to depart, Robotnik, Grounder, Mario and Luigi all left for Ba Sing Se, not too far behind.

"Ba Sing Se, huh? Isn't that one of those places from that awful movie?" Servo asked.

"Be more specific Servo, which one?" Crow asked.

"The Last Airbender, I think," he replied.

"Wait...yeah, it was!" Crow realized. "Oh, no, this is gonna be awful!"

"That's what you said about the last leg, and it wasn't that bad!" Servo said.

"Yeah, it was! We came in bad place!" Crow countered.

"Yeah, but we did better than the rejected doodles and the alien!" Servo reassured.

"Okay, but so far I feel like this race is going from A Touch of Satan to Monster a Go-go for us!"

_"I don't see why Crow is so worried. We'll be fine, so long as we can pass a few of the Mikey-backed teams. Speaking of Mikey, I wonder how Tavros is doing. Eh, what am I saying?"_

Bots: currently in Seventh

Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff were also heading out, just minutes after the Bots.

"We KNEAD to do GOODER!" Sweet Bro cried. Hella Jeff looked at him, confused.

"But we doin't really do that much GOOD in the FIRST PLACE!" he replied.

"No, you dumas, I M meen we need to do BETTER GOODER!" Sweet Bro explained.

"ooooooh."

SBaHJ: currently in ATETH

"I am very FORTUNATE to have survived this leg of the race, and only via the...stupid and foolish mistakes of one team," told Gir as he put on his fake human eyes. "The alliance I am in so far should be able to support me-that is, until I become FAR MORE POWERFUL THAN THEM, AND THEN I SHALL DESTROY THEM-I mean, uh, beat them in the race! Oh, and did I mention that I'm a normal human child with a dog?"

"Yeah, I think you did!" Gir said, zipping up his dog costume, although it was pretty much unecessary since everyone knew from the beginning that he was an alien. Zim's tendency to forget to go undercover helped.

Before Zim left the hotel, Gir received a message and transmitted it to Zim with his antenna.

"Attention, Zim! This is the Brain with a prerecorded message. I was unable to find a flight for you, and I apologize. The only available flights were those that left before you were even allowed to head for the airport. You are on your own in regards to finding a flight, but I shall inform you when I arrive at Ba Sing Se and tell what the challenges in this leg are. Good luck."

"CURSE YOU, BRAIN!" Zim cried. "NO ONE ABANDONS THE MIGHTY ZIM IN HIS TIME OF NEEEEEEEED!" Gir tried to speak up, but Zim had already headed out of his hotel room. Gir followed him as best as he could to the airport.

Invaders: currently in last

Finally, the Bots, then SBaHJ, and finally Zim and Gir arrived at the airport, booking a flight to Ba Sing Se via Wormhole airlines. All of the teams would eventually arrive at Ba Sing Se safely.

Ba Sing Se, the capital of the entire Earth Kingdom, was a (nearly) impenetrable city that stood in the middle of nowhere. A vast megalopolis surrounded by walls that kept invaders and the poor out, it was a city large enough to house millions, its population only rivaled by Republic City. Behind the outer walls, where the teams would be heading to get their first clue, was the Agrarian Zone, an agricultural area full of animals and plants and such. Then there were the inner walls, protecting the city's inhabitants further. The outer Ring, which would be referred to as the Proletariat Zone by Oceanic tourists (which were frequent, considering that Ba Sing Se had once been a dystopia under the reign of Long Feng and the Dai Li, and later the Fire Nation) was where the poor masses lived, in cluttered apartments that would make any Party Member blush with envy. But in the Middle Ring, where the city's university and shopping districts lay, the similarities with Airstrip One ended, as the middle class in Ba Sing Se was much better off than the Outer Party. Finally, in the Middle Ring, there was the King's palace, as well as the homes of the government officials and Dai Li agents. The racers would be seeing most of the city during the race, both its good and bad parts, if they wanted to win.

The Dimensional Airlines plane finally arrived in Ba Sing Se 3:45, as scheduled. The teams immediately all headed out the airport, located in the Outer Ring, after getting some food and maps and found 9 marked cars waiting for them that would prove to be much faster than any other form of transportation in the city.

Vriska quickly found a passing stranger. She grabbed him and demanded:

"Hey! Which way's the west outer wall?"

"West?" the stranger asked, confused by her question. "The west part of the wall is in the West. What are you asking?" Vriska ignored the confused stranger and went into the car with Tavros.

"jUST LOOK, AT THE SUN," Tavros replied. Vriska did so through the sunroof, not understanding why.

"Why would we want to waste time doing this?!" Vriska asked as Pinky and the Brain, who had a compass, went down the road ahead of them.

"ON EARTH-LIKE PLANETS, THE SUN, RISES IN THE EAST," Tavros explained. "aND IT'S, SO MUCH NICER, AND LESS BRIGHT, THEN OUR OWN, SOMETIMES."

"Why don't you drive, Mr. Navig8or!?" Vriska declared, switching places with Tavros as Team Rocket passed them. The trolls followed them closely as they raced through the city, around the slower chariots and pedestrians. Mordecai and Rigby brought up the rear.

"Brain, don't you think we should slow down? Narf!" Pinky cried.

"Of course not, Pinky! I'm trying to go fast so that I can lose the others; they're on our tails!" he cried, swerving left into an alley as a chariot forced Team Rocket, and everyone else behind them, to stop.

"Hey, what's the holdup?" Vriska cried, her voice lost to the noise of the Outer Ring.

"We've lost them!" Jessie cried. She and James pulled over and parked their car by the sidewalk, while the Trolls and the Regular Guys went past them.

"What are you doing?" James asked as Jessie sent out her Yanmega.

"Getting Yanmega to help us find the spot on the west wall we're supposed to go," Jessie replied.

"But we don't have time! We'll just have to get lucky and find it ourselves!" James cried. Jessie shook her head and sent Yanmega off.

_"I thought it would be a good idea," Jessie said in her confessional. "Since there were plenty of teams behind us, I thought that we could afford to try and figure out the quickest way to the west wall. Yanmega would be able to get us there quickly once he found out and came back to us."_

Meanwhile, Mordecai and Rigby tried their best to follow the Trolls, but suddenly they began to slow down and stop altogether. Mordecai checked outside, fearing the worst.

"Aw man, we got a flat!" Mordecai cried. Rigby scampered out in horror.

"What do we do what do we do!?" Rigby cried.

"Don't worry, somebody'll fix it," Mordecai reassured him.

"Who?! There aren't any other cars besides the ones we have in this city!" Rigby cried. Mordecai snapped his fingers in realization.

"Maybe we can find an Airbender!" Mordecai suggested.

"Aren't there, like, only a few?" Rigby reminded him. "And none of them live here."

"Oh, yeah. Uh...maybe we could get one of the chariot taxis here?" Mordecai suggested. Rigby sighed.

"It's our only option," he admitted.

_"Getting a flat sucked, and it pretty much guranteed that we weren't gonna win this leg!" Rigby complained. "But we weren't about to give up hope, not for a second!"_

"Hey, could you take us to the west outer wall?" Mordecai asked a chariot driver that used a Horseostrich.

"We're in a race!" Rigby added. A glint appeared in the driver's eyes.

"A race, eh? Well then...hold on tight!" he cried. And the Horseostrich suddenly raced down the road at an intense speed, dashing away from and even leaping over traffic. Rigby gapsed in delight as he saw the animal leap over one of the marked cars.

"Tavros, what the hell just happened!?" Vriska cried as she saw a giant brown bird leap over their heads, pulling a cart of some sort behind it.

"uHH, I THINK THAT, SOMEONE JUST PASSED US," he said.

Pinky and the Brain finally arrived at the outer west wall, passing through the Agrarian Zone, and climbed up the tower marked with an arrow for the racers to travel up to. Heading up the spiral staircase, they grabbed the next clue...and saw that Mordecai and Rigby were already there!

"What?! Impossible!" Brain cried.

"We got a good driver!" Rigby said simply as they read the clue with the mice.

"_Drill _or _Fill?_ Narf!" Pinky read.

_In Drill, teams must head down to the other side of the walls, outside the city. There they will get inside giant mechanical drills and attempt to drive a hole through a sculpture of the wall built in the desert. Once the drill goes through the wall and the machine comes out on the other side completely, the teams will get their next clue. However, Earthbenders will try and stop them by disrupting the ground beneath them as they approach. They will not directly harm the drill, but they can significantly slow it down. This task is easy for those who are quick, have good reflexes, and are familiar with machinery._

_In Fill, teams must head just a few miles northeast back into the Agrarian Zone to the Ba Sing Se zoo. At the zoo, teams will have to search for the cabbage merchant and carry one cabbage into the enclosures to feed all the animals. Once the animals have been fed, the zookeeper will give them their next clue. The cabbages are light, but handling the animals may be dangerous for some teams._

"Uh, we are so doing the Drill one, right, Rigby?" Mordecai asked him.

"Yeah, definitely!" Rigby cried. Pinky and the Brain also agreed to do Drill, for obvious reasons.

"Oh, look, a Fast Forward!" Pinky cried to Brain as he peered inside the clue box.

"Pay it no heed! We don't need it!" Brain replied.

"What about us?" Rigby asked Mordecai.

"Nah, we're practically tied for first now. Let's let some other team farther behind get it," Mordecai said.

Heading through a narrow passageway carved by Earthbenders for the race, they headed out to the other side of the wall, outside the city. In the vast desert surrounding them they could see several tanks with drills on the ends, and several walls meant for them to destroy. Each drill was aligned with a wall, but the Earthbenders scattered about in the desert made the two teams realize that it wouldn't be a literally straightforward task. As they got in the drills, they quickly discovered how to operate them.

"Okay, red lever is brakes, green goes forward, and the yellow twisty things turn," Mordecai said.

"Cool! You can do the moving, I'll do the turning!" Rigby replied. When they got the drill moving, they observed that the drill blades would spin automatically as long the machine was accelerating. Everything was going smoothly, and the wall was in sight, until:

"Look out, dude!"

"Wha-crap!" A massive pillar of rock rose straight in front of the drill. Mordecai tried to drill through it, but the blades couldn't break through the material.

"Go around, go around!" Rigby said frantically. "Back it up!" Mordecai did so, noticing that the mice were farther ahead of them.

"This drill is a breeze, Pinky! Destroying the wall will be a peice of-" Brain was interrupted by a sudden shift in the sand. Before he realized what was happening, the sand around the drill sank, creating a bunker not unlike the ones seen in golf courses.

"Hey, it's like a golf course! Except it'll be harder to get a giant drill out of the bunker instead of little ball! Troz!" Pinky observed.

"Don't remind me," Brain snapped.

The second plane arrived at 4:15 as scheduled. Robotnik and the Mario bros. got out and headed off in their cars.

"Uh, Dr. Robotnik?" Grounder asked.

"WHAT IS IT?! HOW DARE YOU INTERRUPT ME WHEN I'M TRYING TO GET THROUGH THIS TRAFFIC!" he cried.

"Uh, is Ba Sing Se supposed to have giant dragonflys?" Grounder asked. Robotnik looked up at saw Yanmega flying overhead.

"Um...I don't know!" Robotnik said dismissively.

Luigi quickly got out and asked a woman for directions.

"The outer wall is just beyond the Agrarian Zone, and west is that way," she replied, pointing west.

"A-thank you very much!" Luigi said as he left. As the plumbers headed down the road, they saw a car that had been abandoned, apparently with a flat tire.

"Mamma mia!" Mario said.

"I know. It would be awful for us to get a flat out here!" Luigi cried.

"Well, yes, but that's a-not what I was a-thinking. We've been a-tricked!" Mario cried.

"How? Was it the woman?" Luigi asked.

"A-no, I mean before, at the airport! Remember? Pinky and a-the Brain went to a-the same flight counter as we did, and then they just a-left! There must have a-been an earlier flight we could've a-taken!"

"Oh, noooo!" Luigi cried. "Do you think the car with the flat is them?"

"Maybe, or any of the other teams that arrived here before us!" Mario cried. "We could even be in last with a-Robotnik and Grounder!"

"Mamma mia! Let's a-go!" Luigi said.

_"I was a-so worried that were a-losing back there!" Mario recalled in his confessional. "The mice pulled a trick on us! Although, I a-don't think they meant to...maybe they just wanted to a-see if there were any other flights and they a-got lucky and found one! If we had done the same thing..."_

Yanmega finally returned to Jessie, telling her the best route to the west outer wall. Jessie returned him, and Team Rocket finally headed off, passing Robotnik and the Mario bros. along the way.

"Other teams have gotten here!" James cried.

"That's all right! We'll be able to beat them if we stay ahead, and we know the quickest route, anyway! If they lose us, they're done for!"

"_That might have been a risky move," Jessie admitted. "But now that Yanmega knows virtually all of the city now, he'll be able to tell me the fastest route to any place in the entire leg! We'll be able to pass plenty of teams the moment they wander off!"_

Team Rocket passed the Trolls by taking an altern8 route to the wall and read the clue box, with the Mario bros. and Robotnik close behind.

"Drill or Fill?" Jessie asked.

"Drill! Helping out those animals might be dangerous for our pokemon!" James replied. "We aren't going to need the fast forward!"

"A-which one do we do, Drill or Fill?" Luigi asked Mario as the Trolls showed up.

"Fill! It sounds easier!" Mario replied. Looking out at the desert at the other teams, he saw that they were having trouble with the drills. "We probably a-won't need the Fast Forward, either."

"Hey! Which one's easier?" Vriska asked Jessie. "And how did you guys get here?"

"Pokemon," Jessie replied. "I'll give you a little gift once the others leave."

"uH, I THINK THAT, FILL, WOULD BE EASIER, SINCE WE'RE JUST FILLING ANIMALS' BELLIES, AND NOT BUCKETS. aND I THINK, THAT WE'RE FAR AHEAD OF OTHER PEOPLE, TO NOT NEED, THE FAST-FORWARD," Tavros suggested. Vriska snorted.

"Of course you would want to surround yourself with smelly 8easts like yourself!" she laughed. Just then, Robotnik arrived.

"Jess, we need to hurry!" James cried as Mario and Luigi headed down the wall.

"Drrrrill! We're doing Drrrrill! Forget the Fast Forward!" Robotnik declared as Grounder read the clue. When he and his robot had climbed down the wall, Jessie sent out her Yanmega again.

"Yanmega, guide the trolls to the zoo, and anywhere else they need to go during the race," Jessie said. "They are your masters until you get to the Pitstop."

"Yan, yanyan!" Yanmega nodded. Vriska was about to climb on Yanmega's back, but Jessie stopped her.

"Wait! Yanmega can't carry you! And you can't use the pokemon to physically take you anywhere!" Jessie cried. "You'll have to follow him," she explained.

"Okay, thanks! I didn't mean to squish your 8ug!" Vriska said as she and Tavros headed back down.

"Now can we go?" James demanded.

"Yes," Jessie read as they headed down the wall. Team Rocket joined the other teams on the other side of the wall through a narrow passageway that led out into the desert surrounding the city. There they could see 3 other drills besides their own, operated by the mice, Robotnik, and Mordecai and Rigby.

"You plow ahead! I'll turn us away from the obstacles!" Robotnik cried as a boulder came crashing in front of them. Robotnik turned on a dime just in time to avoid crashing into the rock, swerving left and getting in front of Mordecai and Rigby.

"Hey, they're cutting!" Mordecai cried.

"Yeah, no cuttin'!" Rigby cried. As Jessie and James started up their drills, James sent out one of his pokemon.

"Weezing, use Smog!" he cried as the pokemon hovered out of the open hatch of the vehicle. Weezing did so, obscuring the vision of the other racers...as well as Team Rocket.

"You idiot! Now we can't see!" Jessie cried as Jamse shamefully returned Weezing.

"But they can't, either!" James cried.

"Robotnik, what do we do?" Grounder asked.

"This is our opportunity, now that the rrracers and the benders are all confused! We're right in front of the wall, so we should just charge!"

"Uh, okay!" Grounder said, putting the drill in full throttle as they raced across the desert.

"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMING SPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!" Robotnik yelled at the top of his voice. Before he realized what was happening, he heard rubble crash outside. They had broken the wall! As the Weezing's Smog cleared, Robotnik hopped out of the drill and got his clue from one of the Earthbenders.

"Rrrroadblock. Who is ready to make tea? Oooh, that would be me!" Robotnik cried as he and Grounder went back inside the city.

_Teams must now travel to the Jasmine Dragon, in the Middle Ring. Once they arrive, they must make a new flavor of tea for Iroh to his liking. The best ones will be added on the menu! (But nobody cares about that.) When Iroh is satisfied with a single good cup of tea, he will give the teams the next clue._

"This is gonna be easy!" Grounder said as they got back in their car.

"Yes, for me!" Robotnik added.

Robotnik: currently in First

The Trolls got to the Ba Sing Se zoo before the Mario bros., thanks to Yanmega. Tavros used his powers to calm all the hungry animals while Vriska searched for the cabbage merchant in the crowd of tourists. She finally found him at the zoo's designated eating area. When she did, she got up in his face and demanded the cabbages.

"You, ca88age merchant! Make with the ca88ages!" she cried.

"Oh, so you want some of MY CABBAGES!-I mean, do you want some of my cabbages? Well, they're half a terra each."

"Terras? What are those?" Vriska asked.

"Earth Kingdom money," the cabbage merchant replied nervously.

"Do you take 8oondollars?" Vriska asked.

"Uh, what are those?" the cabbage merchant asked. Vriska whipped out her dice.

"See these dice? They give me all the luck, and they can make you very unlucky," Vriska told the cabbage merchant. "Unless you want you precious ca88ages destroyed, hand a 8unch over!"

"NO, NOT MY CABBAGES!" the cabbage merchant cried frantically, giving Vriska as much as she could carry. She quickly returned to Tavros, who entered each enclosure and fed the animals their cabbages. None of them were hostile to him, and one Rabaroo nuzzled his face.

"yOU'RE ALL, VERY NICE," Tavros said to the friendly animal hybrids that wished him goodbye telepathically. Vriska said nothing and went back to the car with him. Yanmega circled overhead, and they drove to the Jasmine Dragon by following him.

Trolls: currently in Second

The third plane finally landed, and the Bots, SBaHJ, and Zim and Gir burst out of the plane and headed to the west wall.

"Man, this place is probably where they filmed Quest of the Delta Knights!" Crow remarked as they drove through the Outer Ring.

"Yeah, except for the piss-splashing scene. That was probably filmed in a gas station with some cheap camcorder," Servo added.

"Keep yer eyes on the WALL!" Sweet Bro cried as they drove out into the Agrarian Zone with the other teams.

"No, man, you're doing it wrong! You know nothing about SPORTS!" Hella Jeff replied.

"I Dewtwo! Haven you ever herd at of ALL WALL BALL?" Sweet Bro asked.

"Who made that shit, IMMIGRANTS?" Hella Jeff said.

"Gir, continue driving crazily! We're passing them!" Zim cried. "If you do, I'll let you eat some poop candies when we get home!"

"POOP CANDIES?! EEEEEEEEEEE!" Gir squeed, smashing his foot on the gas as the car ripped through the fields of valueable crops.

"THEY PASSED!" Sweet Bro exclaimed. "THEY PASSED WITH TRYING COLOURS!"

Zim and Gir: currently in Seventh

SBaHJ: currently in ATETH

Bots: currently in Last

Back in the desert, the teams operating drills struggled to avoid the Earthbender's slow, predictable, yet still deadly attacks. Had the Earthbenders been giving it their all, the drills would have been destroyed by now. But for the sake of the race, they held back.

"Brain, watch out for that fissure in the ground!" Pinky cried. Brain turned his machine to the right and got it out from above the cracks in the earth just before the ground partially opened up beneath them.

"Good eye, Pinky! We're almost there!" Brain cried. As they finally approached the wall, the Earthbenders backed away, and the mice were free to break it. Once their drill had emerged on the other side, an Earthbender gave them the next clue.

"The Jasmine Dragon? Sounds terrifying!" Pinky cried.

"It's a tea shop, Pinky. It can't possibly be terrifying," Brain replied. "Since you're so scared and stupid, I'll be making the tea."

Mice: currently in Third

At the Jasmine Dragon, retired General Iroh waited patiently for the teams to arrive. Normally, his shop's hours were from 7 to 9, but today the finest tea shop in Ba Sing Se was open only to the racers. He smiled warmly as Robotnik strode in, his humble composure contrasting with Robotnik's proudness.

"Welcome to the Jasmine Dragon. All the ingredients are in the kitchen," he said.

"Good. With my new rrrecipe, your business will be getting a prrrrromotion!" Robotnik replied, reaching for one of his honorary medals to give to Iroh. But he had left them back home, and so the fat man went into the kitchen and began to boil the water and chop up the tea leaves. Looking at all the available ingredients, he knew just what he could make to please Iroh. As he was preparing the tea, Vriska and Tavros burst in.

"tHIS PLACE, IS RELAXING," Tavros declared as he felt the steam from the kitchen waft over his skin.

"The soothing atmosphere only further adds to the relaxation found drinking tea. Go into my kitchen and show me your potential in this art."

"Just hurry, Tavros! Vriska said as he dashed into the kitchen.

"_I was little nervous a8out this road8lock. Neither of us knew how to make tea, and I didn't want us to lose 8ecause of it! I made Tavros do it 8ecause he seems to 8etter at wimpy stuff like that," Vriska said._

As Tavros searched the kitchen for orange slices and colorful flowers, Robotnik went out of the kitchen and handed Iroh the tea he had made. As Iroh sipped, Robotnik's face loomed in front of him and said:

"I just love sharing a cozy hot cup of Lap Sang Sushong tea!"

"And I enjoy drinking it!" Iroh replied, unintimidated by Robotnik. As he drank it, he smiled.

"This is perfect. Lap Sang Sushong will certainly be added to the menu. Here is your clue." Robotnik snatched the clue and read it.

"Make your way to...the next Pitstop! DOH HO, WEEEE!" Robotnik had a spring in his step as he got back in the car with Grounder.

"We just might win this!" Robotnik cried. Tavros came out of the kitchen next, and Iroh drank his. Suddenly, Iroh's face turned red, and fire came pouring out of his mouth.

"This is too hot, even for a firebender! Try again!" Iroh said as the flames stopped. Tavros frowned and went back in the kitchen.

"Just make it less hot!" Vriska said, not really sure how to encourage him.

Zim, Gir, SBaHJ, and the Bots finally reached the outer west walls.

"Gir, we shall do Drill! We have no need for this 'fast-forward'! We can manage without it!" Zim cried as he used his Pak to grab Gir and climb down the other side of the wall. Hella Jeff reached into the cluebox and gapsed.

"DUDE, there's a FATFORD!" he said to Sweet Bro.

"We're in LOST, so we shood taked!" Sweet Bro agreed. Servo grew alarmed, but Crow took the puppet JPG creatures aside.

"You guys don't wanna do that fast forward! What's it say on there, anyway?" Crow asked. Hella Jeff handed it to him.

_The team taking the Fast-Forward must go to Lake Laogai and travel into the secret prison underneath the lake. Once inside, they must use a key given to them by a Dai Li agent at the entrance and use to try and open any of the cells. The cell that they are supposed to open contains the skeleton of Jet, a former freedom fighter against the Fire Nation who fled to Ba Sing Se as a refugee and stalked future Fire Lord Zuko because he thought he was a firebender (which he was, but still!). The bones of Jet's poorly preserved skeleton must be carried out of the lake and shown to the Dai Li agent that gave the teams the key. Once he takes all of Jet's bones, the teams will be allowed to proceed directly to the Pit Stop, at the Earth Palace._

"WIGH would we NOT want to DO SOMETHING like that?!" Sweet Bro challenged.

"Well," Servo explained, "Don't you know about how skeletons have a tendency to suddenly get up and haunt people that try to defy their bones? You don't wanna be known as the guys who defied a dead guy, do you?"

"WHALE..." Hella Jeff began. But Crow went on from what Servo said.

"And all that water would ruin your soft puppet footie pajamas! You won't be able to get all the water out for weeks! And Lake Laogai's a long way away, and it's dark and scary, and you know prisons are dangerous, especially in...in..."

"In THIS economy," Sweet Bro concluded, imagining how horribly his income (currently at $0) would plummet according to that graph with Obana's face in the background if he went to Lake Laogai.

"Well, FINE!" Hella Jeff shouted angrily, almost pushing the Bots down the stairs. "If YOU want to RERIN YER LIEVES by going down there, OKAY! But CONTUS out!" And with that, SBaHJ left to go to the Ba Sing Se zoo to do the "Fill" task.

"_Those morons! I can't believe they just gave up their fast forward!" Servo laughed. "Who wanted to see them in the race, anyway, Jim Henson?"_

_"I...almost feel bad for tricking them. But with their dumb faces and constant expressions, they made it so easy!" Crow laughed. "But if they somehow get out of this, we're in big trouble..."_

As Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff headed out to the Agrarian Zone, Mario finally found the cabbage merchant.

"NO, PLEASE DONT STEAL MY CABBAGES!" the cabbage merchant begged.

"Why would I a-steal from you? I'm in a race, but I won't take them from you! I a-managed to get some of my coins exchanged into terras on the way here!"

"Oh, you're part of the race? Then why didn't you say so?" the cabbage merchant asked. "I thought you were here to intimidate me into handing MY PRECIOUS CABBAGES over by force, like my last customer." Mario accepted some cabbages and handed them to Luigi, who fed them to the animals, even though some would have prefered eating him instead.

"And I thought the creatures of the Mushroom Kingdom looked strange," Luigi remarked as he saw a Platypus Bear tearing into five cabbages at once, a Dragon Fly piercing one with its probiscus and sucking out the juices, and an eelhound simply eat a Turtle Duck from a neighboring enclosure.

"I'll a-bet this is a-way easier than the drilling thingy!" Mario said as he and Luigi left the zoo.

Mario and Luigi: currently in Fourth

Back at said drill thingy, Team Rocket, Zim and Gir, and Mordecai and Rigby struggled to reach the walls and get past the attacks of the Earthbenders.

"AH! Gir, take us backwards!" Zim cried as the ground shook underneath them. Gir did so just in time before a miniature earthquake shook the area they had been in.

"It's a shame we don't have any ground-type pokemon!" Jessie said to James as they got stuck in a patch of what was apparently becoming quicksand.

"Yes, it would make things so much easier!" James said as he tried to move the drill out.

"Big rock, ten o'clock!" Rigby cried.

"I see it!" Mordecai said as it crashed in front of the drill.

Looking at how the other teams around him were closer to their walls, Zim snarled.

"Those FOOLS! Thinking that they can complete a challenge of destruction before Zim!" the Irken cried as he surged ahead of the group, moving out of the way of first a fissure and then homing rock. The other teams watched in amazement as he broke the wall.

"How did he catch up so fast?!" Jessie cried.

"Crap! Now it's just us and Team Rocket!" Mordecai cried.

"Should we go and do the other Detour?" Rigby asked.

"No way! We've gotten this far, we can't quit!"

Zim got his next clue and headed back inside the city with Gir.

"We shall go to this 'Jasmine Dragon', and make those fools the best tea IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE! AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!"

"I like tea!" Gir cried. "Can I do the Roadblock?"

"NO! I shall do it!" Zim replied.

"Awww..."

Tavros was still trying to make tea for Iroh when Pinky and the Brain arrived.

"Too cold!" Iroh said. "Cold tea is not good tea, unless you live in a volcano!" The Brain then presented him with his own tea.

"I put some stimulants in it to energize the mind," Brain said. Iroh shook his head as he drank.

"No, that is not good for tea. This is more like flavored coffee," Iroh said. Brain went back into the kitchen with Tavros as Mario and Luigi arrived. Luigi went into the kitchen and came out with a tea flavored with honey and mint.

"I'll a-call it, uh, Honeymint," Luigi said. Iroh drank it, looking puzzled.

"Something is missing. Add one more ingredient," he said to Luigi. Tavros and the Brain went back with their new teas as well. Iroh tried Tavros' first.

"Hmm. A little better, but not quite...flavorful. This has potential, though." Then Brain's:

"I feel a little lethargic from drinking this. Relaxation while drinking tea is important, but you can't fall asleep!" Tavros and Brain went back into the kitchen, disappointed.

Servo and Crow got directions to Lake Laogai from a strange, perpetually smiling woman. As they approached the lake, they saw a Dai Li agent at the shore, who handed them a key silently. After the Bots took the key, the Dai Li agent earthbended to reveal the entrance to the prison, opening the door. The Bots went inside, heading down the stairs and into a dark hallway lined with cells.

"Crow, you got your brights on?" Servo asked. Crow's yellow eyes gleamed in the dark.

"Yep, they're good!" Crow said as he went to the first cell. Servo had an idea.

"I'll check all the cells as I come to them. Knowing these producers, it's probably in someplace predictable, like the last cell in the hallway farthest from here. Since you have the lights, you go as far as you can and to the last cell and see if the skeleton is in there, then meet back up with me. I'll keep the key with me and try to open up the doors here."

"Okay," Crow replied. As he went off without the key, Servo tried to open each cell. None of them would budge.

"This is harder than guessing the volume of turkeys that would fit in 5 half-foot jars!" Servo cried. Crow, meanwhile, wandered throughout the prison, using the lights of his eyes to look through the small windows in each cell. Most of them were completely empty, and a few rats and spiders, but no skeletons. As he came to the last large cell at the end of the hallway, probably meant to be a torture, room, he looked inside.

"Well, duh! I should've had the key the whole time! This was horribly predictable!" Crow said to himself as he went back to find Servo.

_"Those producers were idiots! I can imagine how setting up this leg went down: 'Oh, hey, we should make a fast forward where they have to find a skeleton in a prison cell, and pick from dozens of them! Well, given the layout of the prison, the most likely place would be to put it somewhere that the skeleton could blend in and be hard to find! Oh, hahahahahha, no, you silly goose, we should put it somewhere it would be painfully obvious for them to find it, like in the biggest torture room in the back! Are you sure? Why, yes, I'm sure, it'll be the last place they look!' Stupid, stupid idiots!"_

Crow and Servo met back up, with Crow carrying most of the bones.

"Servo, it was right where you said it was!" Crow cried as he spilled some ribs on the floor.

"Oh, wow! I was just kinda guessing there! I didn't think it would actually be there!"

"Heh, yeah! Hey, pick up the bones I drop!" Crow said as he hurried back out of the prison.

"Oh, so all of them, then?" Servo asked. When the Bots got back to the Dai Li agent, he said:

"There are still a few bones missing." The Bots went back into the prison, and using Crow's light they found all of the bones that Crow had dropped earlier.

"Crow, you'd make a terrible corpse thief!" Servo remarked.

"Nobody does that stuff anymore, anyway! That's so 19th century!" Crow retorted. The Dai Li agent gave them their clue to the Pitstop as gave him the last of the bones.

Bots: currently in Second

At the Ba Sing Se zoo, Sweet Bro tossed cabbages to Hella Jeff from the cabbage merchant, who in turn tossed them into the animals' cages.

"Last time I checked they didn't allow IDIDIOT GAYS at the zoo!" Sweet Bro said as Hella Jeff climbed into a Bullmoose's pen. Hella Jeff looked at the animal with fear.

"Why don't YEWDEW it?" he asked nervously. Sweet Bro rolled his eyes, not seeing what was so scary about the animal. But as he climbed inside the enclosure, the Bullmoose let out a low moan, turned its back towards him, and...

"EW! I'm covered in SHIT!" Sweet Bro cried.

"HE HEE HEEE HEEEE HEEEEE!" Hella Jeff laughed.

"_It was so HUMBLIATING to be shat upon by that bull mosse," Sweet Bro said in his confessional. "I guess cabbabbage wasn't GOOD FOR HIM!"_

Hella Jeff got the clue from the zookeeper as Sweet Bro washed himself in the Elephantmandrill's watering hole, which was already filled with droppings anyway that they liked to throw at each other.

SBaHJ: currently in HEAVENTH

"So, whof wants to go make tea?!" Hella Jeff asked Sweet Bro.

"You had to work with ANIMULES, so I guess I'll work with PLANS," Sweet Bro replied.

Back at the desert, Team Rocket dodged a rising sand bank and finally penetrated their wall.

"I'll make the tea; my parents taught me how," James replied. Mordecai and Rigby finally broke through their wall as Team Rocket left.

"Yeah, we did it!" Rigby cried. Mordecai, however, was nervous.

"We might be in last, dude! Can you make tea?" Mordecai asked as he read the roadblock.

"If we're behind, I can just copy somebody else!" Rigby replied.

Regular Guys: currently in Last

Team Rocket, having known the way via Yanmega, arrived at the Jasmine Dragon before the last three teams. As they arrived Iroh nodded as he finished Luigi's tea.

"I call it the Green a-Thunder!" Luigi cried.

"Yes, it does rumble in your throat," Iroh replied, handing him the clue.

Mario Bros: currently in Third

James headed into the kitchen and bumped into Tavros as he walked out.

"Oh, pardon me!" James said.

"sORRY, I SHOULD HAVE WATCHED, WHERE I WAS GOING," Tavros replied. he gave Iroh his tea next. Iroh sipped it smacked his lips.

"Too bitter," Iroh said. "But almost. Try one more time!" he said. Brain gave him his, to which he replied:

"Lukewarm. But the flavors are right! Heat it up a little more, than come back," Iroh said.

"Curses!" Brain groaned as he went back into the kitchen when Zim arrived. The Irken followed the mouse into the kitchen and asked:

"Does the tea-man have any preferences?"

"Yes, he's quite picky," Brian replied. "I still don't know how long to heat this stuff."

Vriska grew nervous as Sweet Bro came in the Jasmine Dragon.

"Hurry up, Tavros, almost all the teams are here!" she cried.

"Oh, thank GOGO, all the teems are HEAR!" Sweet Bro cried with relief. "But...on closer inspecshun...we're's Dr. Robnik?"

Robotnik and Grounder finally arrived at the Pitstop, where they were greeted by Bill and a creepy, smiling Asian woman.

"Welcome to Ba Sing Se," she said. Robotnik bowed humbly.

"It's an honor to be in such a splendid city," he replied.

"You are team Number 1, Robotnik and Grounder!" Bill announced.

Robotnik: First to arrive, at 6:41 PM

"I WIN! I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN, I WIN! I must go and double my salary!" Robotnik cried. He shook hands with Grounder next.

"You were a grrreat partner!" he said.

"But I didn't do much!" Grounder replied.

"What do we win?" Robotnik asked Bill.

"A free pair of socks with every purchase of Krusty Krab food!"

"Aye, and make sure you eat at the Krusty Krab! Argargarargargrggrgagargargargarg!" Mr. Krabs appeared suddenly, cackling.

"Well, I suppose it isn't the prize that matters!" Robotnik said. "The important thing is that we won! And we can still get away with all the money!"

Crow and Servo were next to arrive.

"You are team number 2!" Bill cried.

Bots: Second to arrive, at 6:43 PM

"Wow! Talk about a fast-forward!" Crow said. "Oh, but it was WAY too predictable!"

"Yeah! Next time, make the stuff harder!" Servo cried.

"Oh, it will be harder, all right...hee hee hee..." Bill chuckled.

Rigby burst into the doors of the Jasmine Dragon, watching as other teams attempted to make tea to please Iroh.

"Aw man, I'm just gonna have to get lucky!" he cried. Glancing around the kitchen, he watched as Tavros boiled water, Brain chopped up leaves, and James sprinkled a spice of some sort and stirred it into the solution. He then watched as James went out and gave Iroh his tea.

"Very good!" Iroh said.

"I call it the Lavender Breeze!" James said proudly.

"Quite refreshing. Here is your clue!" Iroh said, handing him the clue.

Team Rocket: currently in Fourth

Tavros glanced around nervously, unsure of what to do. He glanced at James' tea supplies now that he had left, and noticed that Rigby was doing the same.

"Do you have any idea how to do this?" Rigby asked.

"nOT REALLY," Tavros admitted. They watched as Zim went out and presented his tea to Robotnik.

"I call this tea the-" Zim began, but before he could finish Iroh spat it out.

"This is horrible! What did you put in it?" Iroh demanded.

"Sawdust," Zim boasted. Iroh scowled.

"You may only use ingredients that are consumable by humans!" he replied, sending Zim back into the kitchen.

"Consumable by humans...what does that mean?" Zim pondered. "No metal? No dirt? What sort of tea could I make without those?!"

Tavros thought about what he had seen James do. Sweet Bro took the time to walk out to present his tea to Iroh.

"What do you call this...delicious concoction?" Iroh asked.

"Whof wants to know?" Sweet Bro asked. Iroh nodded in understanding.

"So, you wish to keep it a secret from those outside of your family. I respect this. Be sure to pass the recipe down to your descendants."

"What's a desendat?" Sweet Bro asked. Just then, he caught a whiff of an odd smell in the kitchen.

"What is that weird stonk?" Sweet Bro wondered.

"Sounds like someone has finally learned how to make tea properly," Iroh answered. Sweet Bro covered his nose and fled the Jasmine Dragon after Iroh gave him the clue.

"We cant stay here nomo! There's a WERD STONK coming form the plac!" Sweet Bro cried as he drove off with Hella Jeff.

SBaHJ: currently in FITH

Mario and Luigi finally made it to the Pitstop.

"You are team number 3!" Bill announced.

"We've a-been doing good!" Mario said to Luigi.

"We a-sure have!" he agreed.

Mario Bros: Third, arriving at 7:07 PM

Jessie and James were next at the Pitstop.

"You are team number 4!" Bill cried.

"Thank Arceus you knew how to make tea!" Jessie said to James.

Team Rocket: Fourth, arriving at 7:08 PM

Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff came after Team Rocket.

"You are team number 5! Again!" Bill cried, giving them another middle place trophy.

"WELL TAKED!" Hella Jeff cried, accepting another giant middle place trophy with no monetary value.

SBaHJ: MIDDLE PLACE, arriving at 7:16 PM

Back at the Jasmine Dragon, Pinky, Vriska, Mordecai and Gir anxiously waited outside the kitchen to see who would emerge first.

"Whoever is taking a long time in there will surely brew a great tea," Iroh said. Finally, Tavros stepped forward, giving Iroh his tea. Iroh sipped it and smiled.

"It's...perfect. Your training in the kitchen has benefitted you. What shall you call it?"

"uH, I GUESS IT'S, UH,,, LIQUID JADE," Tavros said. "i USED, SOME OF THE POWDERY CRYSTALS, YOU HAD, AND SWEETENED IT, WITH BUTTERCUPS AND BANANA JUICE," he explained.

"Sounds revolting," Iroh replied. "But the taste tells a different story. Here is your clue!" he said, giving it to Tavros.

"Liquid Jade?! You do realize he's gonna put that crap up in the menu? What did you really use?" Vriska asked as they went off.

"eXACTLY, WHAT I SAID," Tavros replied. "i DON'T LIE, ABOUT THINGS LIKE THAT."

"Whatever. I 8et no8ody 8ut that old man's gonna drink that stuff!" Vriska teased.

"mAYBE, YOU'RE WRONG,,," Tavros said to himself.

"_jADE, IF YOU'RE WATCHING THIS, I HOPE, THAT YOU'RE OKAY, THAT I NAMED IT, AFTER YOU. I'VE ALWAYS WANTED, TO BE A GOOD FRIEND, FOR YOU, BUT I DON'T THINK, THAT I'LL NEED TO BE THAT FRIEND, BECAUSE YOU ALREADY, HAVE SO MANY OTHER, COOLER FRIENDS. bE NICE, TO DAVE, OR WHOEVER, AND DON'T BE, LIKE VRISKA," Tavros said in his confessional._

Trolls: currently in Sixth

Brain was next to present his tea. Iroh sipped it.

"Very delicious. Can I please have the recipe?" he asked. Brain wrote it down for him.

"This will be the most popular item on your menu," Brain promised.

"Brain, what did you put in that tea?" Pinky asked as they drove to the pitstop.

"A few...addictive substances," Brain said. "It doesn't matter. Let's just try and get to the pitstop!"

Mice: currently in Seventh

Rigby was about to give his tea to Iroh, but Zim pushed him aside, causing him to spill it.

"My tea will be first!" Zim cried. Iroh sipped it.

"I feel that I have tasted this tea before...in fact, I could swear that it is one of mine!" Iroh said, glaring at Zim. Zim trembled nervously until he said:

"You must have copied it by mistake. It is excusable. Here is your clue." Zim breathed a sigh of relief and headed out with the clue.

Invaders: currently in Eighth

"Come on, Rigby!" Mordecai cried.

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" Rigby cried, presenting the last tea to Iroh. Iroh sipped it.

"Much like the other young man's tea," he said. "Except more...tangy."

"I used lemon instead of banana," Rigby explained.

"Very innovative. Here is your clue. Good luck!" Iroh said.

"Thanks!" Rigby answered. He and Mordecai went out of the Jasmine Dragon to find that the man whose chariot they had rode in had returned.

"I heard that the race went here. Need a fast ride to the finish?" he asked.

"Heck, yeah! We're in last!" Rigby replied.

"Not for long," the chariot driver said.

The trolls were next to reach the pitstop, guided by Yanmega. Jessie was waited to receive her pokemon.

"You are team number 6!" Bill cried.

Trolls: Sixth, arriving at 7:39 PM

"Thanks for the pokemon!" Vriska said.

"Thank you for saving me back there at the airport! It's only natural for friends to help each other out!" Jessie replied.

"Totally! We could 8e unstoppa8le if we play our cards right!" Vriska replied.

"I know. But for now, I think we can manage ourselves," Jessie pointed out.

"Yeah, I see what you mean. We could've gotten here faster if Tavros hadn't screwed up the tea! We won't 8e relying on you guys too much, then, just when we need help?"

"It's a deal!" Jessie said, shaking hands with Vriska as she returned Yanmega.

"_This alliance thing is actually working out! I was ready to make Jessie's life misera8le, 8ut now it looks like we'll need each other sometimes! Hopefully in the next leg, I can have them depend on me instead of what happened here!"_

_"i THINK, THAT VRISKA, IS BEGINNING TO SEE JESSIE, AS A BETTER TEAMMATE, THAN ME," Tavros said in his confessional. "iF SHE AND HER, AND JAMES AND I, BECAME TWO DIFFERENT TEAMS, THEN WE'D LOSE, AND THEY'D WIN. AND I THINK, THAT'S WHAT, THEY'D WANT," Tavros said._

_"Jessie's and Vriska's alliance can't last forever," James remarked. "It may be stable now, but at some point someone will have to betray the other, and the victim will forever be wanting revenge! Unless someone can come in and upset this whole thing now! It's frightening to see Vriska and Jessie hate each other, but it's even more terrifying to see them scheming together!"_

Mordecai and Rigby were next at the pitstop.

"We can't thank you enough!" Mordecai said to the chariot driver.

"No need to pay me. I'm just glad to have helped out two underdogs!" he replied.

"We're not underdogs! We won the last leg!" Rigby protested.

"He meant it as a compliment," Mordecai replied as they hit the mat.

"You are team number 7!" Bill cried.

Regular Guys: Seventh, arriving at 8:03 PM

"Yes, we made it! We're still in this thing!" Rigby cried.

"Not even Zim's rudeness could stop us!" Mordecai cried triumphantly.

"Yeah...Zim...what a jerk!" Rigby said.

"Don't worry, he might lose this!" Mordecai said.

Pinky and the Brian were the next ones to reach the pitstop, and Mordecai and Rigy high-fived when they saw them.

"You are team number 8!" Bill cried.

"Egad, Brain! We almost lost! Narf!" Pinky cried.

"Don't remind me, Pinky! Our racing skills seemed to have dropped drastically. If we want to stay in this thing, we need to do better! More specifically, you need to do better!"

"But...you were the one making tea!" Pinky protested as Brain smacked him on the head out of anger.

Mice: Eighth, arriving at 8:08 PM

Finally, Zim and Gir arrived at the pitstop last.

"Welcome to Ba Sing Se," Joo Dee said.

"Yes, yes, just tell us what position we came in!" Zim demanded.

"You are the last team to arrive...again," Bill said.

Invaders: Last, arriving at 8:09 PM

"WHAT?! ANOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-"

"But this is the first of 3 non-elimination legs, so you're still in the race!" Bill cried.

"Oh, thank the mighty Tallest! No one can stop ZIM!" Zim cried triumphantly.

"But in the next leg, you will be 'Marked for Elimination'", Bill said. "That means that you unless you come in first on the next leg, you will have to wait out a 10 minute penalty before arriving at the pitstop. Also, there will be a 'Speed Bump' challenge, a short challenge which you must do, or else get a 1 hour penalty."

"And what if I don't do it?" Zim asked.

"I just told you! You have to wait 1 hour at the pitstop before checking in!" Bill replied.

"Oh! I guess I shall have to do the Speed Bump, then!" Zim declared.

"_Those fools knew better than to force me off the race! They KNEW that I was cheated out of victory by...by...the animals! In the next leg, I shall beat them! I shall beat them ALL!" Zim cried. "Nothing can stop me, not even these PENALTIES and ELIMINATION MARKERS and BUMPS OF SPEEEEEED!"_


	4. We're going to be in a G-rated movie!

_Last time on the Amazing Race..._

_9 teams headed out from Airstrip One to Ba Sing Se, the capital city of the Earth Kingdom famous for it's nearly impenetrable walls._

_Robots Crow and Tom Servo encouraged Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff not to use the Fast Forward despite the low position._

_"You guys don't wanna do that Fast Forward!"_

_"WIGH would we NOT want to DO SOMETHING like that?!"_

_"You don't want to be known as the guys who defied a dead guy, do you?"_

_"And all that water would ruin your soft puppet footie pajamas!"_

_But despite the Bots taking the Fast Forward, Robotnik and his new partner Grounder, replacing Scratch, took first place._

_"I WIN, I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN! I must go and double my salary!"_

_Zim and Gir were last to the Pitstop again._

_"You guys are the last team to arrive..again."_

_"ANOOOOOOOO-"_

_"But this is the first of 3 non-elimination legs, so you're still in the race!"_

_"Those fools knew better than to force me off the race! In the next leg, I shall beat them. I SHALL BEAT THEM ALL!"_

_9 teams remain. Who will be eliminated next? _

Standings from the previous leg:

_1. _Robotnik

_2. _Bots

_3. _Mario Bros.

_4. _Team Rocket

_5. _Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff

_6. _Trolls

_7. _Regular Guys

_8. _Mice

_9. _Invaders

All of the teams were treated to a fancy dinner in the palace, hosted by Joo Dee. The Earth King had too many kingly business to tend to join them, although he relayed a message wishing them all a safe journey to the next leg of the race.

Mordecai and Rigy sat next to the Bots at the table and asked them, "Hey, listen, we've been having some problems with Zim. Could you guys-"

"No way! We're not attaching ourselves to anyone else!" Crow replied.

"Sorry," Servo said more understandably. "Try the plush monsters, they seem like they'll help!"

Mordecai and Rigy did so. When Mordecai proposed an alliance, Sweet Bro thought a bit before replying.

"I GESS I can be of help," he said. "But if you guys are too SLOWPKE getting to the AIR, then I WANT be able to get you tickets on FLITS," Sweet Bro said.

"SIDES, you A HEAD of us! What could you possibly WANT?" Hella Jeff asked.

"We're kinda tryin' to get rid of Zim," Mordecai asked. "He's been kinda dangerous, unpredictable, and mean to us for the past few legs. Plus, he's an easy target since he's marked for elimination."

"Findten. But we can't HLEP you with CALLENGES AND stffu!" Sweet Bro said.

"That's fine. We just want somebody to cover us in case Zim does something crazy. If there's like, a Yield or something, could you do it to Zim, and not us?"

"SHORE THANG!" Hella Jeff replied. "But we're all ON THE BOOTOM of the PAC, MAN!"

"Yeah, well maybe this is our time to catch up! The Bots did it!" Rigby said.

"Hmm hmm. Looks like there's another alliance," Jessie pointed out to Vriska.

"It's just a loser coalition. Nothing to worry a8out. They're pro8a8ly all trying to get rid of Zim."

"Brain, I need assistance. Temporarily, of course," Zim said to him.

"I understand your plight. I-well, Pinky-wishes he could help. But right now we're trying to save our furs. We're just barely above you! I suggest seeking Robotnik for help." Zim did so, noticing that Brain was following him.

"The villians are planning something again!" Jessie said.

"Since the fat one won this, we should listen in! Tavros, James! Hop to it!" Vriska whispered harshly.

"Dr. Robotnik, the humble Zim requests for you to provide the Brain and I with assistance in the later legs," Zim said, hating to use the word "humble".

"Of course. What are friends for? If there's a flight for you two, I'll see if I can get it for you. I certainly won't Yield you, and if you find yourselves in my favor I may even wait for you, if you're close by!" Robotnik replied warmly.

_"I have nothing to worry about! I'm in the lead!" Robotnik boasted. "No one can stop me but the rrrace itself!"_

But then he suddenly heard footsteps behind him. Turning around, Robotnik cried:

"Snoo-PINGAS-usual, I see?" to James and Tavros, who were doing just that.

"Oh ho, we weren't snooping! There's nothing to snoop! Honest!" James said nervously.

"yEAH, WE WERE JUST, UH, TRYING TO GRAB SOME OF THE ROLLS ON THIS SIDE, OF THE TABLE," Tavros said. He and James grabbed a few of the aforementioned rolls and scampered off.

"Robotnik is now the new leader of the group!" James told Jessie and Vriska.

"Looks like leadership changes with position in their alliance," Jessie remarked.

"Then I've got an idea! Let's help the worst of their group, so that their new leader 8ecomes our 8est friend!" Vriska cried.

"So, we help Zim, who is currently marked for elimination, beat the Mice and Robotnik?" Jessie asked.

"Exactly! 8ut we won't let him 8eat us if we can help it!"

"Sounds risky, but in Pokemon you take a lot of risks. We'll try it, but just for this one leg! If we fail somehow, we call it off!" Jessie said. Vriska agreed, knowing that it wouldn't be a good idea to waste too much time on this.

All the teams then went to sleep, anxious and excited about the next leg.

At 6:41 AM Robotnik and Grounder, the winners of the previous leg, left for the airport, reading the clue that had been slipped under the door of their hotel room, along with the other racers.

"Fly to Selemia, the capital district of the Kingdom of Galaluna," Grounder read.

"Galaluna? I hear it's a lovely, formerly war-torn planet!" Robotnik cried. "I hope we get to see the rrruins caused by rrrrrampaging, rrrambunctious giant monsters! I also hear the Galalunans are quite advanced in military technology..."

Robotnik and Grounder headed out to the Ba Sing Se intergalactic airport to find a flight. Minutes later, Crow and Servo read the clue.

"Fly to Selemia, the capital district of the Kingdom of Galaluna," Servo read.

"Wow, that was redundant! Couldn't they have just said Galaluna? We're not stupid!" Crow cried.

"Hey, Crow, that's not where all the brother-sister incestous couples hang out, right?" Servo asked.

"No, Servo! That stereotype belongs to some other place. Can't remember where, though," Crow replied.

"_I riffed Sym-Bionic Titan once with Mike, just the two of us. It was great...well, to make fun of and stuff, not to watch all 10 or so episodes in a row. So much fanservice and giant fights, it was like Ultraman or something!"_

Both of the first two teams arrived at the airport as it opened at 7 o'clock that morning. Robotnik and Grounder went to the counter for Wormhole airlines, and the Bots went to Transportalizer airlines.

"What flights do you have to Selemia, Galaluna?" Robotnik asked.

"We have one that leaves at 7:30 and arrives at 9:25," the attendant replied.

"Excellent...we'll take it!" Robotnik replied.

"Dr. Robotnik, don't you think we should look at the other flights?" Grounder asked.

"Nonsense! Wormhole always seems to have fast flights. We'll be fine here," Robotnik replied, accepting the tickets.

"So, what do you have to Galaluna?" Servo asked.

"We have a flight to Selemia, leaving at 8:00 and arriving at 9:30," the attendant replied. After checking to see what the other flight was, Servo concluded:

"The flights are about five minutes apart. We'll be fine on the one we're on."

Robotnik: first on Wormhole

Bots: first on Transportalizer

At 7:07, the Mario bros. went out, with Team Rocket close behind them since their departure times were literally one minute apart.

"Yanmega knows the way to the airport. They don't!" Jessie said to James as they headed out to their car. And although Jessie and James arrived at the airport before the Mario bros., it really didn't matter since they would both have the same flight options.

"Wormhole, or Transportalizer?" James asked.

"Wormhole, definitely! Five minutes could make a difference," Jessie replied.

Team Rocket: Second on Wormhole

"Okay, you look at one flight, I'll a-look at the other!" Mario suggested. The brothers split up, then returned.

"Okay, the Wormhole flight is a-just slightly faster!" Luigi said after they reported their finds to each other.

"A-wormhole it is, then!" Mario decided.

Mario Bros: Third on Wormhole

At 7:16, Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff were allowed to depart, having an over 20 minute head start on everyone else behind them.

"Sew, do you no ANYTHING about Gay-Loon-uh?" Sweet Bro asked Hella Jeff.

"Not thing! Its prbly sum magick planet, or somethign, where eveybody has KOOL powers!" Hella Jeff guessed.

"KOOL!" Sweet Bro cried. As they arrived at the airport, they first went to Wormhole airlines.

"I'm sorry, but that plane is full," the attendant said.

"Cold you PLEAS put us on stanby?" Sweet Bro asked.

"I don't think so. Try searching for another flight," the attendant suggested. They JPG men did so d found that Transportalizer was still available. They bought two tickets and headed to the gate.

"Oh, no, I see the muppets!" Servo said.

"Guess they couldn't make the first flight," Crow said.

"Hay, GIES! We're gonna be FLYIN TO GET HER! Wan't that be EWSOM?" Hella Jeff said.

"Uh, yeah!" Servo said.

"So, uh...how about those...sports?" Crow asked.

"I luv SPORTS! I ouncewent to THE BIG GAME, and I saw the BIG MAN!" Sweet Bro said.

"Yea, and I had a dreem, wear I played with him, and we had to come get the ruler!" Hella Jeff said.

"Who's the Big Man?" Crow asked, hoping to stray the subject away from the previous leg.

"Only the BADASSESTDEST man EFUR! He's keppin' it reel about...AIDS!" Sweet Bro replied.

"I think they're referring to Magic Johnson!" Servo said.

"I don't think they know much about sports!" Crow agreed.

_"Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff are kinda stupid! How did they get this far in the race, anyway?" Servo asked. "After we beat them by using the Fast Forward, they still don't realize that they took up an opportunity and practically gave it away to us! They're gonna be easy competition!" Servo said mockingly in his confessional._

The trolls were the next ones to leave, at 7:39 AM, and arriving at the airport fifteen minutes after the Wormhole flight had left, at 7:45. Vriska and Tavros bought tickets at Transportalizer airlines instead, joining SBaHJ and the Bots at the terminal.

"Oh, good, we have somebody besides them!" Crow cried. Servo approached the trolls and asked:

"Could you guys sit behind or near us on the plane? We don't want to have to deal with the puppets!"

"Sure, as long as you let us get ahead of you when the plane gets off!" Vriska replied.

"What? Hell, no!" Servo said. "I'd rather face the shitty JPGs than force myself behind anybody!"

"Your loss! We could have made such a good alliance," Vriska said.

"Alliance shmiance! We don't need you two...pagans!" Crow cried. Servo stared at him.

"Pagans? Was that the best you could do?" Servo asked.

"That was a really lame insult! If we see you again, I hope you think of 8etter one!" Vriska cried.

"iT'S OKAY CROW, I WAS, A LITTLE, OFFENDED, BECAUSE I CAN SEE, WHY PEOPLE, WOULD THINK OF TROLLS, AS, WELL, ORGY-LOVING, BIZARRE, AND SAVAGE, CREATURES. bUT IT MAKES ME SAD, JUST THE SAME, WHEN I THINK ABOUT IT, BECAUSE, THE ONLY REASON, THAT WE'RE LIKE THAT, IS BECAUSE, OUR RACE, WAS BORN, AND WILL DIE, UNDER THE HANDS, OF CRUEL, AND WHITE-HEADED, DIETY."

"Dammit, kid, you're making me feel guilty!" Crow cried.

"WELL YOU ALL SHUTUPIT! The flit's reddy!" Sweet Bro cried. The teams forgot about their bickering and prejudice as they boarded, realizing that in this race, it was better to be neutral towards everyone.

The three loser teams (Mordecai and Rigby, Pinky and the Brain, and Zim and Gir) headed out just minutes after each other, and the last team arrived at the airport at 8:15.

"YOU! PLANE PERSON! I DEMAND A FLIGHT TO GALALUNA, FASTER THAN ALL YOUR OTHER FLIGHTS!" Zim cried to the attendant for Dimensional.

"We have one flight that leaves at 8:30 and arrives at 9:45," the attendant replied. Pinky heard this and told Brain.

"Pinky, we must catch that flight! Hurry!" Brain cried.

"Hurry, we gotta follow the mice!" Mordecai cried to Rigby.

_"I am extremely worried about being in second-to-last. We finished the first leg in second, but now it's far more difficult to stay ahead of most other teams! If we survive elimination, it may very well be by just a whisker," Brain said in his confessional._

_"We've just been going up and down in regards to luck," Mordecai said. "First we came in 8th, then we won, and now we're at the bottom again! Why does this whole race have to run on luck?!"_

All three of the teams left managed to book the Dimensional flight. Meanwhile, the Wormhole flight hovered in space before the captain announced:

"Due to an unscheduled meteor shower, this flight has been delayed. We will instead land on Galaluna at 10 o'clock."

"WHAT?! NO! We're going to lose!" Jessie cried.

"Stay calm, Jess! We're not the only one in this situation!" James reassured her.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Robotnik cried. "WE'VE GOT TO GET TO GALALUNA! AND I MEAN NOW!"

"Mamma mia! This isn't a-good!" Mario said.

The Transportalizer flight, however, landed safely in Selemia, Galaluna at the scheduled time, 9:30.

Galaluna, a planet inhabited by humans like Earth, was once a peaceful and technologically advanced kingdom-state, until a coup against the royal family led by the power-hungry General Modula spiralled into civil war. Princess Ilana, who had been bestowed by her father as the last hope of the kingdom, was sent to Earth for her own safety with Corporal Lance, Edward's son, and Octus, the robot whose design Edward had conceived before his untimely death in a lab accident. For almost two years the three hid out on Earth, defending themselves with the Sym-Bionic Titan, a giant robot created when they all combined their power. Eventually, the three returned home and overthrew Modula, with Ilana taking her rightful place as Queen. Lance ruled beside her as her husband, although he did not allow anyone to call him King. It was in the district housing the royal family, Selemia, that the racers would be spending most of their time.

The Trolls, SBaHJ, and the Bots all quickly headed out to the airport parking lot, not seeing any marked cars. They all quickly realized that they would have to rely on taxis for this leg of the race.

"uH, TAXI?" Tavros asked weakly as taxis sped by him.

"Hey, could one of you walking cliche people please slow down and let us on?" Crow cried.

"Culd a taxee PEAS take us to the Galalunaran Combo Academy?" Hella Jeff asked. Finally, a taxi stopped for them, and Hella Jeff repeated his question.

"Do you mean the Galalunan Combat Academy?" the cab driver asked, not understanding Hella Jeff's strange wordings.

"Ee-YES! Ee-YES! Geaux, geaux!" Hella Jeff cried. The cab driver sped off as another one arrived to pick up the Bots.

"Galalunan Combat Academy!" Servo cried.

"We'll give you a tip if you get us there before the other cab!" Crow promised. Finally, the trolls managed to get a cab after noticing that several cab drivers had seen them and deliberately ignored them.

"What did they think we were, monsters?" Vriska asked.

"Yes, frankly. I'm sorry I didn't recognize you. I've never met...your species before," the cab driver apologized. "What are you guys, exactly?"

"tROLLS," Tavros replied. "wE'RE, FROM ALTERNIA."

"...Oh. Since you're not Mutradi and I almost thought you were, I'll just let you go wherever for free," he said.

"tHANK YOU," Tavros said. "mOST ALTERNIANS, CAN BE VERY NICE, SOMETIMES." Vriska laughed at that remark.

"Hey, Tavros, good news! That first flight here that we couldn't catch got delayed!"

"sO, OUR GROUP IS, THE FIRST FLIGHT, TO GET HERE?" he asked.

"Yep! We can kick ass and 8eat the other two teams easily!" Vriska replied. "All we have to do is convince the puppets that they were cheated out of a fast-forward, and pass them during the ensuing 8rawl with the ro8ots!"

SBaHJ: currently in First

Bots: currently in Second

Trolls: currently in Third

Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff maintained their lead over the other two teams and arrived at the Academy first, where their next clue waited for them.

"Roadcock: hoo's good with SHOOTING?" Sweet Bro read. "I gess I'll doit."

"I havain't done nothin yet!" Hella Jeff protested.

"FINE! YOU DOIT!" Sweet Bro replied.

_For the Roadblock, one team member must get inside a Manus robot (it's a model only used for training) and destroy 30 drones hovering around the area with any of the robot's weapons. It's not a physical task, but those who aren't good at hunting down and destroying fast moving targets may have problems._

Hella Jeff climbed inside a Manus robot inside a room full of them. The ceiling above opened up to the outside, and he saw thousands of silver discs have the length and width of the Manus flying through the air.

"They're programmed not to stray too far off," a Galalunan near Hella Jeff explained. "Good luck!"

"And good fuck to you, too!" Hella Jeff replied. As Hella Jeff launched his robot into the air, he tried shooting his machine guns. They worked, but Hella Jeff had forgotten to raise the robot's arms upwards before firing.

"Aw man! I coud've shot atat least FOUR!" he complained.

Servo and Crow arrived next and read the Roadblock.

"Oh, I'll do it! I'm more experienced with hovering around, anyway!" Servo cried. As he got into the robot, he flew up to the drones level and fired a few missiles, watching gleefully as some drones were destroyed.

"Hahahaha! I feel so invincible!" Servo cried, blasting his machine guns everywhere. Hella Jeff, meanwhile, had managed to unsheathe the Manus' artificial axe and swung it wildly, destroying a few drones that got near.

"I wood use the missiles, but they have MISS in there name! Tey won't work!" Hella Jeff thought.

Servo: 5/30 drones

Hella Jeff: 3/30 drones

The trolls were next to arrive, and Vriska quickly volunteered to do the Roadblock.

"This'll be a piece of cake!" she cried as she unsheathed Manus' sword on the nearby drones and shot missiles at ones farther away. Servo activated one of his grenades, throwing it in the swarm of drones just seconds before it exploded. Hella Jeff blased his guns on several groups of drones at a time, having some difficulty following them with his bullets.

"Ah, so many different ways to kill!" Servo said happily.

Hella Jeff: 5/30 drones

Servo: 9/30 drones

Vriska: 7/30 drones

At 9:45, Zim and Gir, Mordecai and Rigby, and Pinky and the Brain all arrived in Galaluna.

"Good news, Pinky!" Brain said as they scampered out to the parking lot, "I checked the Wormhole flight, and it's apparently been delayed. We're no longer fighting for last."

"Hooray! Poit!" Pinky cried. "Hey, wait, where's Robotnik?"

"On the Wormhole flight. We're behind him now, and thus no longer dependent on him. Let's just go and ignore him!"

"But Brain...we can't abandon our alliance and our friends!" Pinky sniffled.

"They're not our friends, they're our allies!" Brain countered. "Besides, Zim has a Speed Bump to do. We'll have to leave him behind!"

"But what about the alliance?" Pinky asked. Brain sighed.

"I don't know, Pinky."

"_Perhaps the alliance was a foolish idea, conceived when I knew too little about this race," Brain said in his confessional. "But now Pinky won't let me out of the contract I have binded myself to. Time will tell what decision I should make next."_

_"Brain just can't leave the other villains! They trusted him, and the whole thing was his idea! Mabye after the race, we could all conquer the world...together!" Pinky suggested in vain. "Narf..."_

As the mice hailed a taxi before the others, Pinky checked to see if Zim was behind them. He was, with Mordecai and Rigby following closely behind the Irken.

"Can I borrow your phone?" Pinky asked the cab driver. The cab driver gave him his phone, and Pinky called Zim.

"Yes, caller? What do you require from Ziiiim?" Zim demanded. "Answer quickly, for I am in a race!"

"Zim! Zort! This is Pinky! The first flight here got delayed! Our group's not in last!"

"Can this be true? THIS IS EXCELLENT FOR ZIM!" Zim cried. "Thank you for the news, silly mouse!"

"You're welcome! Troz!" Pinky cried, hanging up. Brain sighed.

"I suppose the alliance will have to continue," Brain said.

The mice, Regular Guys, and Zim and Gir had all arrived at the Academy.

"I'll do the Roadblock. This technology is familiar to me," Brain said.

"How so?" Pinky asked.

"None of your business," Brain replied.

"Aw, sweet! Can I do the Roadblock?" Rigby asked.

"You've done all the roadblocks! I gotta do one!" Mordecai said.

"You were fine with me doing them before! You're just jealous now cause' this one is gonna be way more fun!" Rigby cried. Mordecai glared at him, and Rigby relented.

"Fine, you do it," Rigby said.

Zim opened up his clue, remembering what Bill had said about the Speed Bump. He was led into a room where a project was turned on. He read his clue to see just what his Speed Bump was.

_Teams marked for elimination in a non-elimination round must do a speed bump challenge before starting on a roadblock/detour. In this Speed Bump, the team marked for elimination must watch footage of Kimmy Mysner, a former girlfriend of Octus before she found out he was a robot, shaking her butt at him in an attempt to get him to do her homework for him (she failed because he was a robot and had no emotions). If the team can withstand this scene on loop for ten minutes, they are allowed to do the Roadblock._

Zim gulped as the footage started, reminding himself that this was for the race. But it wasn't long before producers had to hold him down as he kicked and screamed, trying to avert his eyes from the hideous fanservice.

"AAAAAAH! IT'S SO HORRIFYING! TAKE IT AWAY, TAKE IT AWAY! I DO NOT WISH TO SEE THE EARTH GIRL'S HIDEOUSLY BULBOUS POSTERIOR ANY LONGER! HER EFFORTS ARE FUTILE AT SEDUCING THE SQUARE HUMAN! SHE ONLY REPULSES ME! PLEASE, STOP THIS MADNESS!"

"It's not that bad. The song is kinda catchy," Gir said. But Zim still struggled for the entire ten minutes.

Meanwhile, the other teams wreaked havoc on the poor drones in the Roadblock.

"This is like a super-awesome video game...in real life!" Mordecai cried.

"WHAT'S THE MATTER, YOU POOR HELPLESS DISC THINGYS? DID YOU WANT ME TO STOP?! NEVEEEEEEER!" Servo cried maliciously.

"Hey, the MISSILES don't actually always MISS!" Hella Jeff realized with delight. Vriska rushed past him, slicing up drones with two swords.

"I am SO gonna 8eat these losers at this!" Vriska cried ecstatically.

"YES! I COULD USE THIS TO RULE THE WORLD!" Brain cried.

Vriska: 17/30 drones

Brain: 15/30 drones

Servo: 22/30 drones

Hella Jeff: 18/30 drones

Mordecai: 11/30 drones

At 10 o'clock, the Wormhole flight finally landed, carrying Robotnik, Team Rocket, and the Mario Bros.

"Should we have Yanmega scout out this place?" James asked.

"No time! We'll just have to navigate blind!" Jessie said. She was relieved when she found that they would be relying on taxis for this leg of the race.

"Quickly!" Robotnik cried as a cab driver took him and Grounder. "We've got to get to the Galalunan Combat Academy!" as his cab driver left, he could see first Team Rocket, and then the Mario Bros. following behind him.

"Oh a-no, we're in last!" Luigi cried.

"Don't a-worry. It shouldn't be like that for a-too long!" Mario reassured him. "Perhaps the challenge won't be a-too difficult."

As the last three teams arrived at the Academy, Zim finished the Speed Bump, feeling traumatized.

"I NEVER WISH TO SEE SUCH A HIDEOUS DISPLAY OF HUMAN BUTT EVER AGAIN!" Zim cried. He then read the Roadblock, and began to giggle deviously.

"Yes...I shall do well here," Zim said to himself.

_"I am EXTREMELY SKILLED with any weapons technology superior to that of Earth's. Although this planet was filled to the brim with DISGUSTING HUMANS, their technology far surpassed that of the normal Earth monkeys I have dealt with." Zim said in his confessional. "The Tallest themselves might have trouble subduing this planet, without proper planning."_

Zim got in his robot around the same time the other teams behind him did.

"AHAHAHAHA! THIS ROBOT IS MINE TO COMMAND!" Zim cried, destroying drones rapidly with virtually every weapon possible.

"These drones are hard to hit! Good thing there's so many of them!" Jessie thought.

"Fire the missiles! Fire!" Robotnik cried, thinking that the commands were voice activated. He quickly realized his error.

"Mamma mia, this is much more complicated than getting 1-ups from Koopas!" Mario said to himself.

Servo: 24/30 drones

Hella Jeff: 22/30 drones

Vriska: 28/30 drones

Mordecai: 16/30 drones

Robotnik: 17/30 drones

Zim:19/30 drones

Brain: 20/30 drones

Jessie: 12/30 drones

Mario: 9/30 drones

Minutes passed, and more drones were destroyed. Vriska was the first to finish, landing her robot safely on the ground as the air above raged with destruction.

"nEXT, WE GO TO, LUNARIS SQUARE," Tavros said, both to her and the cab driver.

_Teams must now make their way to Lunaris Square, the site upon which the Kingdom of Galaluna was founded. In the center of the square is a statue of Tarax, the great General who repulsed the First Mutradi Invasion roughly a century ago. It is in front of this statue that teams will find their next clue._

"_This is awesome! We're in the lead! We could win this leg, just like we won the first one! If that happens, we'll pretty much 8e the undisputed 8est team, and the one most likely to win! Not even Tavros can screw this up!" Vriska cried triumphantly in her confessional._

_"iT'S AMAZING, DO BE IN THE LEAD, AGAIN," Tavros said in his confessional. "i JUST HOPE, THAT NONE OF THE OTHER TEAMS, PASS US, OR SOMETHING."_

Servo was next to finish, and everyone was surprised, especially Crow.

"Didn't you feel bad, destroying other robots?" Crow asked.

"What? No! They weren't robots, they were drones! Completely different!" Servo replied as they got back in their taxi.

Brain finished third, and he and Pinky quickly got back to their cab.

"Pinky, that was amazing! With the power of that Manus robot, I could rule the world, overthrow leaders, conquer and pillage! I'd have everyone eating out of the palm of my hand, rather than me eating out of theirs!" Brain cried triumphantly. The cab driver glared at him.

"What?" Brain asked. The cab driver suddenly pulled over and stopped dead in the road.

"Get out," he said sharply.

"What did I-?"

"Galaluna doesn't tolerate people who lust after power," the cab driver said, forcing the mice out of his cab and driving off without them.

"Was it something I said?" Brain wondered. Pinky realized something.

"Narf! Brain, I think he didn't like it when you started talking about ruling places."

"That would make sense. Most people grow alarmed at the idea of their future ruler being a tiny mouse," Brain said.

"No, you don't understand," Pinky continued. "I remember reading about it somewhere. Galaluna had a coup several years ago. It started a civil war on their planet, and it the rebels had support from the Mutradi, the aliens from Galaluna's hostile moon!" Pinky pointed up at the green sky of Galaluna, referring to Mutrad, the largest of the three moons visible even during the day. "Galalunans are very sensitive about would-be conquerors, and they don't like it when people talk about ruling places, even if it's not their kingdom."

"Well, that's just...stupid! Everyone faces tyranny at some point, and they should learn to accept it if someone conquers them! Perhaps that General Modula fellow had a very good reason to overthrow the royalty!"

"I think he tried to do it because he was brainwashed with an alien artifiact that made him go mad," Pinky said.

"Oh. Well...we'll just try to find another cab!" Brain said hopefully. He saw another taxi coming down the road, and he and Pinky waved frantically to try and hail it. But it was apparently carrying another team, and Brain saw that it was Zim and Gir.

"WHAT?! They're marked for elimination!" Brain cried in disbelief.

"We passed a team, YEEEEEAAAH!" Gir cried happily.

"Excellent work, driver! I knew that I could destroy the drones FAR MORE QUICKLY than the rest of those fools, bringing us at the top of the paaack!"

Hella Jeff was next to finish, followed by Robotnik. Both teams quickly headed out the door, with Sweet Bro tripping up Robotnik.

"DOH! I've fallen, Grounder, and I can't get up!" he cried. Grounder struggled to push Robotnik's fat body back up, finally doing so after Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff had already left.

"Curses! They're ahead!" Robotnik cried.

"_Why is it that all the other teams trip me so often! Is it because I'm just so...fat and vulnerable?" Robotnik wondered._

Brain groaned when he saw two more cabs pass him.

"I refuse to lose because of a few...off color remarks!" he cried. Finally, an empty taxi appeared, and the mice managed to hail it down.

"Lunaris Square, please!" Pinky said. Brain decided to let him do the talking for the rest of this leg.

"_This just isn't fair! My words should not have consequences!" Brain cried in his confessional._

Trolls: currently in First

Bots: currently in Second

Invaders: currently in Third

SBaHJ: currently in FORTH

Robotnik: currently in Fifth

Mice: currently in Sixth

The trolls finally arrived at Lunaris Square and opened up the cluebox at the statue of Tarax.

"Detour: War or Peace?" Vriska read.

_In War, teams must travel to the tourists' entrance of the underground tunnel network used by the Galaluna forces loyal to the King during the civil war. Clues are scattered throughout the vast underground maze, and teams must find one and then return to the entrance. There's no telling where the clues are, so teams could get lucky, but the maze is fairly large, and some teams could get lost._

_In Peace, teams must travel to the Lunest Pavillion, an equal distance from the Square as the tunnels, and decorate a room for the Harvest Festival, a traditional dance held in Galaluna at the end of the fall, weeks before Christmas, using several pictures given to them for reference. A judge will determine if the team has decorated the room appropriately, and will give them the clue if they did it right. If teams mess up in some way, the judge will not point out their mistakes, and they will have to modify the decor before getting the judge's attention again. Detail-oriented teams could do well here, but some teams may struggle with getting everything exactly right._

"War! We are so doing war!" Vriska declared.

"tHE OTHER TASK, LOOKS NICE, AND WE COULD FINISH IT, FASTER," Tavros countered.

"No. W're doing War, it'll 8e easy! All we have to do is look for a clue!"

"bUT WE, COULD GET LOST," Tavros said. Vriska tried to grab Tavros and drag him back to the cab, but he struggled and broke free.

"cOULD WE AT LEAST, TRY IT?" Tavros begged. Vriska sighed.

"Fine. We ARE in first, anyway. To the Lunesta Pavillion!" Vriska told the driver.

"_iT FELT GREAT, TO GET VRISKA, TO DO WHAT I WANTED TO DO," Tavros said in his confessional. "mAYBE, IF WE DO GOOD AT THE DETOUR, SHE'LL FINALLY, LISTEN TO ME."_

Back at the Academy, the last three teams struggled to finish the Roadblock.

"These drones are just flying around everywhere!" Jessie cried angrily.

"This is really fun, but really hard!" Mordecai moaned.

"I a-think I have just a few more to go!" Mario cried.

Jessie finished first, and she and James returned to their cab.

"Lunaris Square, hurry!" Jessie cried. Mordecai was next, and he and Rigby were soon following Jessie.

"Pass em, pass em!" Rigby cried to the driver.

"Why?" he asked.

"Cause, we're in a race!" Mordecai asked.

"A race? I can't just break the speed limit for some silly race!" the driver replied.

"No, we're trying to win a million dollars!" Mordecai said. The cab driver shook his head.

"Why do I always get the crazies?" he thought.

Mario finally finished destroying the drones, and Luigi ordered the driver to Lunest Pavillion. The driver raised his eyebrows when he heard the Italian accent.

"Hey, are you guys Mario and Luigi?" he asked, having heard of them from some vague place he couldn't remember.

"A-yes. We're trying to run a race!" Mario said.

"Well, why didn't you say so? Hold on tight. These things can get faster than your silly little carts," the cab driver said. The plumbers found themselves struggling to keep their hats on as they passed first Mordecai and Rigby, and then Team Rocket.

"No way! They're passing us!" Rigby cried.

"We got a good driver before! Why not now?" Mordecai complained.

"Should we try and slow down the animals?" Jessie asked James.

"No, not yet. Let's just wait and get to the square," he replied.

Mario bros: currently in Seventh

Team Rocket: currently in Eighth

Regular Guys: currently in Last

"Detour: War or Peace?" Crow read.

"War! We did good on the last searching challenge," Servo reminded him.

"War or Peace?" Gir read.

"WAR! I WILL ALWAYS CHOOSE WAAAAR!" Zim cried.

"Whore, or Piece?" Sweet Bro read.

"Well, DUH! WAR!" Hella Jeff replied.

"I chose war!" Robotnik cried.

"Ooh, can we decorate?" Pinky asked.

"Pinky, we're losing! Again! We might have a chance if we search in the tunnels!" Brain cried.

"Awww...okay."

The teams all scrambled back into their cabs to head for the tunnels.

"YOU, CAB BEAST! TAKE US TO THE TUNNELS!"

"I demand that you take us to the tunnels, immediately!"

"Could you take us to the tunnels, please?"

"Fine, but it'll be extra."

"Sure, whatever! Just get us there quick!"

"We have to go in yur TUNNEL!"

"Take us to the tunnels. Poit!"

The five teams headed off to the tunnels, each hoping to arrive before the others in a mad and disproportionate race.

At the Lunesta Pavillion, Vriska and Tavros began setting up the decorations for the festival. Vriska strung up stuff to hang around the perimeter of the room, and Tavros stood up on the ladder to alter the lights in the room so that they emitted colorful light. As Tavros leaned forwards to get the last lightbulb, he fell off the ladder and crashed on the floor below him, dragging the ladder down with him.

"oW, MY HORNS!" Tavros cried. Vriska ignored him and continued decorating the lower part of the walls.

"Just keep going, you 8ig wiggler!" she said.

"i THINK, MY HORNS, ARE FRACTURED," Tavros said as he struggled to stand up, only to collapse back down. "mY ARMS, ARE SORE, TOO."

"What do you want me to do a8out it?" Vriska asked. The judge examined Tavros nervously.

"I'm no doctor, but I think he might have broken a few bones," she said. "There's a hospital nearby."

"We don't have time for that! We're in a race!" Vriska cried.

"I know, I'm the judge. But are you really going to let your teammate suffer?" the judge challenged. Vriska ran her hands through her hair past her horns in frustration.

"Why does this have to happen? We were winning!" she complained. The judge ignored her and called an ambulance for Tavros.

"You can stay and decorate," she told her, "But you'll be at a disadvantage."

"Not that much of one, though," Vriska muttered as she finished the last light bulb for Tavros. But as she climbed back down the ladder she had set back up, she looked back at the picture the judge had given her.

"Crap...was that light supposed to be green, or pink? There was a pattern..." she looked up and saw that Tavros had arranged the other pink, green, as well as yellow and blue lights in an assymetrical formation. She looked back at the picture and realized that she wouldn't be able to tell what color that last light was; she would have to infer from the pattern. But the pattern itself was so hard to follow! Had Tavros known what it was? Vriska tried to ignore it, setting up the rest of the cardboard figures that Tavros had started working on. But there was a pattern to this, too, and apparently Tavros knew it. She sighed and turned to the judge.

"Can I stop the task for a little while? I need to go see my teammate," she said. The judge nodded, and Vriska hurried to the hospital from down the street. Much to her dismay, she could see three taxis heading towards the square.

The last three teams arrived at the square and picked their Detours.

"Let's a-do Peace. It shouldn't a-be too hard," Luigi said.

"Okay, whatever you a-want," Mario said.

"We're doing Peace. Our pokemon could get seperated if we go in the tunnels, and they can all help us together if we set up a room," James replied.

"I agree. It would take forever to reunite with everyone once we found the clue," she said.

"Okay, they're doing Peace. What about us?" Mordecai asked.

"War. We're just gonna have to get lucky!" Rigby said.

As Jessie and James arrived at the Pavillion, they saw Vriska heading to the hospital.

"Still want to do this?" James asked Jessie.

"Yeah. I can't see why she's going there for, though," Jessie said.

"Looks like our only help is out of commission," James added. Mario and Luigi arrived at the Pavillion shortly afterward, and the two teams worked on their rooms at the same time, but seperately.

Meanwhile, at the tunnels, as Mordecai and Rigby were the last team to arrive, they found that all the others were wandering about aimlessly in the tunnels, hoping to find a clue hidden somewhere.

"Grounder, I think we've reached another dead end! Drill through someplace and see where we end up!" Robotnik cried.

"But that could take us farther away from the maze!" Grounder said.

"Do as I say! It's our only chance!" Robotnik cried.

"Gir, keep your lights on! GAH!" Zim said as he tripped over a rock.

"You gotta try these rocks! They're DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELICIOUS!" Gir said, happily munching away.

"SILENCE! HELP ME!" Zim cried.

"But my lights make noise when they flick on," Gir replied. "How can I help if you want me to be silent? AND I DON'T WANNA BE SILENT!"

"Just help me!" Zim cried.

"Hey, Servo, you found anything yet?" Crow asked.

"No! I've been following you since I don't have lights in my eyes like you!" Servo cried.

"Oh. Hey, you think we'll run into any mole people?" Crow asked.

"If by mole people you mean Robotnik, then yes, I think we'll see some," Servo replied.

"This CAV is so DORK and SKOOPY!" Sweet Bro cried.

"I can't find a CLOO! And I don't have a CLOO where to LOOK!" Hella Jeff said.

"Brain?" Pinky whispered.

"Yes, Pinky? I've been trying to search the tunnels for hours now. Why do you keep following me?"

"I've been trying to tell you something."

"What?"

"I found a clue!"

"Great! When?"

"20 minutes ago."

"And when did we start looking?"

"19 minutes and 30 seconds ago! I've been keeping track," Pinky said proudly. Brain facepalmed and sighed. He and Pinky scampered out of the cave through a hole in one of the passageways too small for everyone else. They eventually arrived at the entrance, where they read the clue.

"Take a taxi to the next Pitstop!" Pinky cried triumphantly.

_Teams must now make their way to the Palace of Galaluna, the Pitstop for this leg of the race. The last team to check in WILL be eliminated (you can't have two non-elimination legs in a row!)_

"YES. Let's hurry!" Brain cried. They hailed a taxi, but the cab driver glared at them.

"Hey, you must be those two mice I've heard so much about!" he said.

"Yes, we are very famous. Now take us to the Palace!" Brain cried.

"Oh, I'll take you somewhere..." the cab driver drove them through the city, but when they appraoched the Palace he went past it.

"Where are you taking us?" Pinky asked.

"Where you belong; in a place where you can't hurt anyone!" the driver replied.

"Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?" Brain asked nervously.

"I think so, Brain. He's going to take us to become stars in a G-rated movie!" Pinky cried.

"No, he's taking us to jail! He must've heard about us from that other driver! If the producers don't find about what's happening, we'll lose for sure! Quick, we've got to get out of here!" Brain cried. He and Pinky struggled to push open the door of the cab and jumped out as it was still moving, landing on the sidewalk. They then hurried to the Palace, noticing that the guards were beginning to follow them and eventually give chase.

"Why does everyone try to catch mice, Brain?" Pinky asked him as they hurried to the throneroom.

"Prejudice, Pinky, prejudice," Brain replied. Although they ran as fast as they could, a pair of guards finally managed to snatch them and carried them to the throneroom, where the Pitstop lay at the foot of the throne, mainly used for decorational purposes and was actually rarely sat in by Queen Ilana.

Today, however, she was sitting here, waiting to greet the racers. Lance, Octus, and Bill were there as well.

"So, you guys are really aliens that look like people? Dale won't believe this!" Bill said. They ignored him.

"Oh, look, here comes a team! How nice of the guards to escort them!" Ilana said. Lance scowled at the two mice, just as he did at most everything else he didn't trust. Octus floated in the air blankly, having shrunk himself to be just a small floating thing surrounded by a bubble.

"Marshal Lance, these two mice were overheard mentioning conquest by a cab driver. We apprehended them as they came here, no doubt to try and attempt an assassination," one of the guards carrying the mice said. Bill kept silent, worrying that he would be held responsible for letting these treasonous two in the kingdom.

"It is illegal in the Kingdom of Galaluna to openly discuss world domination and ownership of any world, as it is a sensitive subject here," Octus explained for the mice.

"Since you two are obviously foreigners, the worst thing I can do is deport you," Lance told them. "But don't you think I won't try to keep you detained in intergalactic court."

"But then we'd lose the race!" Pinky cried.

"Wait, are you cute little mice here for the race?" Ilana asked.

"Yes, ma'am!" Pinky replied. "I mean, Your Majesty. Zort!"

"It's true, Your Highness. They're one of the contestants," Bill replied, realizing that the situation was clearing itself up.

"Them?" Lance said in disbelief.

"Guards, put them down at once! They came all this way to get here, now don't let them lose!" Ilana ordered. Brain and Pinky were released and stepped on the mat.

"Pinky and Brain...you are team number 1!" Bill cried.

Mice: 1st, arriving at 2:53 PM

"YES! I know my words couldn't possibly slow us down!" Brain cried.

"I knew this had to be a misunderstanding," Ilana said.

"I didn't know about the history of this planet until Pinky informed me too late. We were kicked out of our own cab. I apologize if I have violated any laws," Brain said, trying not to show his frustration.

"Well, don't worry about it! I'm sure you didn't intend to imply that you would conquer this planet!" Ilana said. "How could you do so, anyway?" Brain explained just what he had said for clarification. Lance burst out laughing.

"You couldn't conquer this planet with just one Manus robot! We have thousands of them! And we could just kill you in Titan!"

"What is this...Titan?" Brain asked mischeviously.

"Something we won't tell you any more about," Lance replied sternly. As the Mice left and headed to a local hotel, Ilana said to her husband, "We really need to repeal that law. It's caused so much confusion for tourists."

"Soon, when the memory goes away," Lance said cryptically.

Vriska found Tavros at the hospital, with casts around his arms and braces around his horns.

"Are you okay, Tavros?" she asked.

"sHOULDN'T YOU BE, BACK AT THE DETOUR?" he asked.

"I was, 8ut I can't do it without you. Literally. I don't know the patterns and stuff!"

"wELL, I DO, AND I CAN HELP, IF THEY'LL LET ME OUT OF HERE," Tavros replied. The nurse in the room looked at the trolls and said:

"I suppose he'll be all right, so long as he doesn't do any strenous activity involving his arms...or his horns," she said. The trolls checked out of the hospital and headed back to the Pavillion. Team Rocket had just finished it when they returned, the task having been easy with their pokemon to help them.

"The Pitstop is next!" James told them as they left.

"nOW, LET'S GET THAT PATTERN DOWN," Tavros said, whipping out a piece of paper from his shirt.

"Are those your notes? Did you actually take notes?" Vriska asked. Tavros hung his head, afraid that Vriska would laugh at him. But instead she said:

"That's cool! Wish I had thought of that!"

"oH. tHANK YOU," Tavros said.

_"i'M GLAD, THAT VRISKA, HAS BECOME MORE CONSIDERATE, AND STOPPED TO CHECK ON ME. MAYBE NOW, SHE'S REALIZED, THAT I CAN BE A PRETTY GOOD TEAMMATE, TOO," Tavros said in his confessional._

_"May8e I was wrong thinking that Tavros was useless. I originally just wanted him as my teammate 8ecause every8ody else said no. 8ut may8e he's more useful than I've 8een giving him credit for," Vriska said in her confessional._

"Come on, we're still ahead of the Italians!" Vriska cried as the judge approved their work and let them go.

"Mamma mia, this is getting exhausting! How're you doing, Luigi?" Mario asked as Luigi was on the ladder, hanging up stuff.

"We're almost a-done...there!" Luigi hung up the last of the banners and climbed back down. But the judge looked displeased. Luigi jumped on Mario's back and performed a high jump, reaching up to the lightbulb and adjusting the color on one of the lights, and the judge's face changed to a look of approval.

"Amazing jumping! Here's your clue!" the judge said.

"Oh, a-great! The pitstop!" Mario said in relief.

Team Rocket was the next team to arrive at the Pitstop.

"Welcome to Galaluna!" Ilana said.

"You are team number 2!" Bill told them.

Team Rocket: Second, arriving at 3:09 PM

"That was pretty good. Good thing we didn't do the other Detour!" James said.

Meanwhile, back at said Detour, the remaining teams were struggling to finish. Zim suddenly found Gir crashing into him through the tunnel walls.

"Gir! Why did you do that! The tunnels could have become unstable and collapsed!" Zim cried.

"I FOUND THE CLUE! I FOUND THE CLUE!" Gir cried, his voice echoing to the anger of the other teams.

"EXCELLENT WORK! Let us hurry and not lose!" Zim cried as they left the tunnels.

"You are team number 3!" Bill said to the Trolls.

Trolls: Third, arriving at 3:15 PM

"i HOPE NOW, THAT YOU'LL REALIZE, THAT I CAN BE, USEFUL," Tavros said to Vriska.

"Sure, whatever floats your aquatic flotation device," Vriska said, hugging him.

"Awww!" Ilana cried. Lance rolled his eyes.

"Puppy love," Lance said dismissively, not knowing the full story.

"We were once like that, too, you know, and we didn't even know it," Ilana reminded him.

"Shh! Not here!" Lance rasped.

The Mario bros. arrived shortly afterward.

"You are team number 4!" Bill said.

"Good thing we a-managed to bring ourselves up. A-Good choice, Luigi!" Mario said.

Mario bros: 4th, arriving at 3:20 PM

Zim and Gir were next.

"You are the fifth team to arrive. Now you wait," Bill said. Octus projected a timer that counted down for ten minutes.

Invaders: arrived at 3:21, waiting for ten minutes

"HURRY, YOU FOOLISH TIMER! ZIM COMMANDS YOOOOU!" Zim cried.

"The time is 99% accurate," Octus reassured him. "I would not cheat you."

The remaining teams at the tunnels searched desperately, realizing that time was running out for them.

"Dr. Robotnik, I found it!" Grounder cried, drilling from beneath a floor.

"Grrreat! I knew that you would be useful for this!" Robotnik said as he huffed and puffed out of the tunnels.

"Gee, thanks, Dr. Robotnik!" Grounder said.

"_Grounder is so much more useful than Scratch!"_ Robotnik said in his confessional. He and Grounder quickly made their way to the palace, where Zim scowled at them.

"You are team number 5!" Bill cried.

Robotnik: Fifth, arriving at 3:26 PM

"WHAT?! Nooooo! I was team number 5! I came in fifth! I should get the Middle Place trophy! MEEEEEEEE!" Zim protested as Robotnik accepted the Middle Place trophy.

"You're not as good a villain as I am!" Robotnik boasted, strutting away from the Pitstop to the hotel across the street.

"CURSE YOU, EGG-MAN!" Zim cried.

Back at the tunnels three teams were struggling to find the clue.

"We should have done the other Detour!" Mordecai said to Rigby.

"It's too late now. We'll be doomed if we back out now! We've just gotta get lucky!" Rigby said, scampering down another passageway he hadn't been to before.

Crow's eyes finally spotted a clue. "Servo, I found it!" he cried.

"Oh, good, we can finally get out of these depressing catacombs!" Servo said.

"Yeah, I know. I would have killed for a music supervisor to help us with that!" Crow agreed. As they went back to their cab driver, he stretched out his hand.

"Well? Where's the money you promised me?"

"Of course. Servo?" Crow said.

"How much is it?" Servo asked.

"17 dollars."

"Crap, I don't have enough!"

"Neither do I!" Crow cried. "We only have sixteen dollars total!"

"Either give me the money, or you don't get a ride," the driver said.

Zim's time went up, and he and Gir checked into the Pitstop.

"You are team number 6!" Bill said.

Invaders: Sixth, arriving at 3:31 PM

"No, we are team number 5. But for the sake of SPORTSMANSHIP, I shall accept the designated position," Zim said.

Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff finally found a clue.

"Aw man! A CLOOOOOOOOO!" Sweet Bro cried. He and Hella Jeff scrambled out of the cave. Mordecai looked nervous until he saw Rigby, who also had a clue in his hand.

"Come on we can beat'em!" Rigby cried. Both teams scrambled to their taxis, and the Regular Guys screamed at their driver.

"COME ON, MAN, HURRY!"

"WE'VE GOTTA FINISH THIS RACE!"

But the cab driver refused. "I'm not going until you people calm down. Life isn't a race!"

"Yeah, it is!" Rigby protested. He and Mordecai gained a bit of hope when they saw that the Bots were also having trouble with their cab.

"What's your problem?" Mordecai asked them.

"We're a buck short!" Crow said. Mordecai looked at his wallet, filled with guilt.

"We gotta help'em out, dude," Mordecai said to Rigby.

"What? No, we could still beat them!" Rigby protested.

"Yeah. But our cab driver won't really go, and they just need one more dollar. What if that was us, and they had extra money? Would you really want to lose because of transportation problems?"

"After Ba Sing Se? Heck, no!" Rigby declared. Mordecai gave the Bots a dollar, just as Servo was beginning to sing to passerbys for money.

"I need a dollar, a dollar, a dollar, a dollar is what I need-hey, thanks!" Servo said to Mordecai and Rigby. Both teams quickly went back to their cabs.

"For that display of kindness, I think you two deserve something special," the driver said, tailing just behind the Bots' cab.

Bill was checking in SBaHJ when he heard a rumbling noise down the street.

"You are team number 7!" Bill said.

SBaHJ: HEAVENTH, arriving at 3:45 PM

"Wot, no MIDDLE PLACE?" Hella Jeff said.

"Sorry," Bill said. "It's worthless, anyway."

The last two teams arrived just as the JPGS left for the hotel, and it came down to a foot race between them. One team managed to make it to the Pitstop first, though, because he carried his teammate on his back.

"You are team number 8!" Bill said to this team.

Bots: Eighth, arriving at 3:46 PM

Mordecai and Rigby went to the Pitstop last.

"Welcome to Galaluna!" Ilana said cheefully.

"Thanks," Rigby said.

"You are the last team to arrive. You have been eliminated from the race," Bill said sadly. The Regular Guys hung their heads.

"Oh, well. That was awesome," Mordecai said silently.

"Yeah," Rigby agreed.

"_Out of all the crazy stuff we've done at the park, with all the crazy things that try to mess with us, this race was somewhere at the top of this list. But now we gotta go back to our boring jobs!" Mordecai said sadly. "But at least we did something nice for another team, without actually letting them beat us by more than a couple of seconds. It felt good."_

_"This whole thing was so cool! And we were so close to beating the Bots! But...it felt kinda good that we helped out a team in bad shape, like we were. But next time I come here, Benson's gonna be my buddy, and he wouldn't let this sort of thing happen...if I could get him to stop yelling at me. Nah, who am I kidding, we wouldn't do it," Rigby said for his last confessional._


	5. Does everything HAVE to be purple?

Chapter 6, leg 5: Kingdom of Darkness

The remaining teams went to bed that night, soon to depart for the next leg. Pinky and the Brain, who had arrived at 2:53 PM, departed at 2:53 AM.

"Fly to the Dersite Airport, and make your way to the tower of Dave Strider," Brain read.

In the dark night of Galaluna, Brain tried to hail a taxi, but none came because it was so late at night. They finally managed to hail one, though, and got to the airport. Predictably, it was closed and would open at 7.

"How predictable!" Brain cried. "Leave it to the producers to equalize us! Equality is very dangerous thing, Pinky."

"Brain, that sounded a bit politically incorrect. Narf!"

"Who cares, I've already been deemed politcally incorrect on this planet already," Brain replied. The mice waited as all the other teams caught up to them, and they all rushed into the airport as it opened.

"Two tickets to Derse!" Crow and Servo cried to the attendant at White Hole airlines.

"Sure thing," he said, giving them the tickets.

"I rrrequire tickets to Derse!" Robotnik said, rushing to the counter for White Hole. Behind him, Zim and the mice waited patiently.

"How many?" the attendant asked.

"Eh...Six!" Robotnik replied. The mice and even Zim thanked Robotnik wholeheartedly.

"We needed that flight," Brain replied. "Thank you."

"Yes, um...THANKS!" Zim cried, snatching the tickets and leaving.

"What are frrrriends for?" Robotnik said kindly yet deviously.

"Why did you do that, Dr. Robotnik?" Grounder asked.

"Because...I need these two to get to the final thrrrree with me. If they trrust me now, it'll be harder for me to brreak it on the final leg! We'll all be on such good terms, they'll practically let me win!"

"Oh. That's pretty evil, Dr. Robotnik!"

"Thank you, Mr. Grounder!" Robotnik replied, bowing. The trolls, also in line for White Hole, overheard this, as well as Team Rocket.

"Who do we want in the final three?" Jessie asked Vriska.

"Not sure. If we both make it, then I guess Zim. He's too angry and crazy to 8e an effective racer, and Gir sucks as a partner," she replied.

"Any ideas on how to get through this leg?" James asked Vriska.

"Well, Tavros and I Prospit dreamers! Things might be the exact same in Derse as they are on Prospit!" she replied. "Just follow us, and we'll find the towers 8efore any8ody else!"

"I don't know what you mean by Prospit dreamers, but it sounds good enough!" Jessie thanked her.

The Mario Bros. and Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff also managed to book the White Hole flight, leaving at 7:25 and arriving in Derse at 10:30.

The Kingdom of Darkness, as it was sometimes called by even its residents, was a world formerly visited in dreams, and even then by only those whose minds were less imaginative and ideal, and instead more rational and realistic. The Kingdom was essentially a small purple planet, with its moon held by a chain. It was on this moon that the two towers owned by the dreamselves of Rose Lalonde and Dave Strider were placed. Finally, the kingdom was bordered by a black void inhabitated by eldritch monsters and other tentacled abominations.

The teams all headed out the plane as quickly as possible, finding the vehicles marked for them in the parking lot.

"Okay, a-where do we go again?" Mario asked Luigi.

"To the a-tower of Dave Strider," Luigi replied. "I a-think the locals should a-know where it is."

"Jeez, there are more black people here than in Africa!" Crow cried when he saw the Carapacians for the first time.

"Yeah, but this place doesn't look all that backward," Servo said. "But it is pretty tacky. I mean, come on, does EVERYTHING have to be purple?"

"Okay, guys, follow us!" Vriska called as Team Rocket drove right behind them.

"hOW, DO YOU KNOW, THE WAY?" Tavros asked.

"I told you, Derse'll probably be just like Prospit! So the towers are right where ours were!" Vriska replied.

"wHY COULDN'T, WE HAVE GONE, TO PROSPIT?" Tavros asked. "iT WAS, SO MUCH NICER THERE."

"Jessie, I read the clue again," James told her as they followed the Trolls.

"So?"

"There's a Yield at the tower!"

"Gasp! Do you think they'll Yield us?"

"I sure hope not. Maybe when we get to where we can see the towers, we should pass them."

"Okay. I just hope somebody else behind us can be Yielded."

_A Yield, in case you forgot, is a spot where any team that arrives there must choose to slow down any other team member. To Yield a team, the team Yielding must place the picture of the team they want to Yield (the pictures are in the cluebox) on the sign, and place their picture on the "Courtesy of" spot. Only one team can use a Yield per leg, and the Yield won't work if the team being Yielded is already past it. If a team does find themselves Yielded, they must turn over an hour glass and wait until all the sand runs out before continuing._

"Gir! I shall be driving!" Zim cried as he and Gir scrambled in their car and drove off. Robotink and the mice went after him. Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff were last, in no hurry to get there.

"Weenow the WAVE!" Sweet Bro said confidently.

"We SHORE DO!" Hella Jeff laughed.

"_We KNEW which way to GO cux the TOWA was were our CREE-AYTE-TOUR slep. How HIGH would we HAVE to BE to NOT now something like that?" Sweet Bro said in his conessional._

Because of their knowledge of the bed of their creator, Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff reached Dave's tower first and opened up the cluebox.

"DEETOR: HAG TIME OR WRAP TIME?" Hella Jeff read.

_In Hang Time, teams must climb to the top of Dave's tower and make their way to the Umbra District's Cthulu Fountain using Unreal Airs to fly over Derse and land safely when they see the fountain, which is stone-gray and has a tentacles pointed skyward. In front of the fountain is their next clue. The fountain is easy to spot when the teams fly over it, but it is a long way from the towers, and teams that aren't skilled at handling the insanely fast and tricky ride may have trouble._

_In Warp Time, teams must climb to the top of Rose's tower nearby and enter a portal hovering over her bed. The portal will take them to a vast maze, where they must both find a Transportalizer to take them to the Cthulu Fountain instantly. Teams will get their next clue instantly upon completing the task, but it may take a long time to find the Transportalizer in the maze, as there is only one._

"WELLL, DOH! We've GOT to nail the HANGNAIL!" Sweet Bro replied.

"O-ky!" Hella Jeff said as they headed for Dave's tower. But then Hella Jeff stopped.

"W8! We need to YELD someone!" Hella Jeff said. Sweet Bro's eyes widened even more than usual, and they went back over to the Yield.

"We CHOO-CHOOSE to YEILD the BOTS!" Sweet Bro announced, placing Crow and Servo's picture (in which Joel's face was clearly cut out) in the Yield section.

"Don't forget ho it's CURTSY OFF!" Hella Jeff remined him, placing their own picture in the "Courtesty of" section.

"_Those DUMBOTS DSERVED to be YEILDDED!" Sweet Bro cried. "They had to PAY for RECEIVING US!"_

Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff then climbed up to the tower, eager to hopefully meet their maker. But of course, Dave was too cool to actually be up there waiting for them.

SBaHJ: currently in FURST

The trolls finally parked their cars, with Team Rocket stopping as well, when Vriska got to the place where the towers in Prospit would be.

"uH, WHERE, ARE THE TOWERS?" Tavros asked her.

"I don't know! May8e they're just...invisi8le?!" she replied frantically. She quickly got out of the car and asked a passing Dersite for directions.

"Hey, where are Dave and Rose's towers?" the Dersite laughed at her.

"You went in the complete opposite direction!" he cried, laughing.

"8ut...this is where they would 8e on Prospit! I'm sure of it!"

"Prospit and Derse mirror each other," the Dersite explained. "What made you think we would everything in the same place as those paleasses?" Vriska screamed in anger.

"WHY D8D I HAVE T8 G8T TH8S WR8NG!" she cried. Jessie growled from inside the car.

"I can't believe she led us the wrong way!" she cried as she backed up and let Vriska pass her. "Now we're in last, and I have to keep following her until the towers are in sight!"

"Maybe we should give her a little punishment, hmm?" James suggested.

"...No. Even if we passed her on the way there and got to the Yield, some other team would probably have used it," Jessie replied.

"We could send out Yanmega again," James asked.

"Not unless we have to," Jessie replied. "If I can just keep my lead on the trolls, we won't need him. We'll just have to do well on the next task."

"_I was soooooooo pissed a8out my screw-up! It put us in last with the Rockets!" Vriska said in her confessional. "And if they got to the Yield 8efore us, we were doomed!"_

_"We were taking a risky move, not having Yanmega tell us the way," Jessie said in her confessional. "But if he had gotten lost or something, it would take us forever to reunite with him! I only did it in Ba Sing Se because were ahead of some people. I may not do it ever again, not even for Vriska."_

The Mario Bros. were next to reach the Detour.

"Oh, a-somebody already a-used the Yield!" Mario pointed out.

"It's a-not us. Hang Time or Warp Time?" Luigi asked.

"A-Hang Time! It a-sounds a whole lot more fun!" Mario said. Luigi shaked a little.

"What's a-the matter?" Mario asked.

"A-well, it might be easy for a-you, but not for me. It sounds a-scary!" Luigi cried. "If we fell or crashed into a-something, we'd be done for!"

"A-no we wouldn't! I wouldn't a-let that happen!" Mario reassured him.

"Okay..." Luigi said timidly.

"_Luigi needed to stop being a-so afraid of everything," Mario said in his confessional. "He's a-my brother, but I don't have to sit there and a-let him be such a coward!"_

The Mario Bros. joined SBaHJ on the climb up Dave's tower. The Bots were next to arrive, not surprised to find that they were Yielded.

"I should've known!" Servo cried.

"They finally realized that we conned them!" Crow agreed. "Oh well. Now we wait," he said, turning over the hourglass.

Zim and Gir were the next ones to arrive at the Detour.

"Come, Gir! We shall do this 'Warp Time' task! As you know, my searching skills are unmatched!"

"What about in the tunnels? Where were you precious searching skills then?" Crow asked, laughing.

"Silence, Slowbot! ZIM WILL BEAT YOU IN THIS RAAAACE!" Zim cried, dashing off with Gir up Rose's tower. Robotnik and Grounder showed up just as Zim and Gir disappeared.

"Hang Time or Warp Time?" Grounder asked Robotnik.

"Warp time," he replied. "I'm, uh...a little too...large for the other one."

"Oh, so you're fat?" Crow asked.

"SILENCE! I AM JUST VERY LARGE!" Robotnik cried as he began to climb up the tower. He and Grounder saw Zim and Gir ahead of them.

"Good, the fat man has arrived!" Zim said to himself, looking down. "If we hurry and reach the top, we can...cooperate on the task!" Zim called down to him.

"Sounds like a capital idea! Just wait for me!" Robotnik said, letting Grounder get ahead of him as he struggled to climb the steps. Grounder turned around as Robotnik was lagging behind.

"Are you okay, Dr. Robotnik?" Grounder asked him.

"Yes, I'm fine, Grounder...I'm just not used to climbing all these stairs," Robotnik replied.

"_My tiny legs aren't used to climbing, and that tower was tough to get up, what with all of those steps! I was so exhausted by the time I reached the top!" Robotnik said in his confessional._

"Egad, Brain, a Detour! What do you wanna do?" Pinky asked after reading the options.

"Warp time," Brain replied. "We might be too small for the boards to respond to our movements."

"Oh, I'm so sorry you got Yielded!" Pinky said to the Bots as they climbed up Rose's tower.

"They're just glad it wasn't them!" Servo said.

"So...is our time almost up?" Crow asked.

"...Yes! We're done!" Servo cried as the hourglass sand all went to the bottom.

"What are we doing, then?" Crow asked.

"Ooh, let's do Hang Time! Sounds a like whole lot more fun, and maybe we could beat the muppets!" Servo suggested. He and Crow then climbed up Dave's tower.

Meanwhile in Rose's tower, the Mice quickly went up the steps and caught up to where Robotnik was, already tired from the climb. "Oh...Grounder, I can't climb anymore!" Robotnik cried. He tumbled backwards down the stairs, his fat butt squishing Pinky and the Brain as the three of them tumbled back down to the bottom.

"Look what you've done! Now we're all behind!" Brain cried as he emerged from underneath Robotnik.

"I'm so sorry, Brain! I just can't climb up long staircases well!" Robotnik cried.

"It's all right! Brain can't eat too much cheese without vomitting everywhere!" Pinky replied.

"Pinky, I'd consider 20 pounds to be a very large amount for a mouse! Just because you can eat 40 doesn't mean-hey, wait!" Brain began, but Robotnik and Pinky were trying their hardest to climb back up the tower without him. Zim climbed to the top just as they were all restarting their climb.

"Gir! Let's hurry! We have no need for the alliance anymore! They are far too slow!" Zim declared, grabbing Gir and heading into the portal.

"They left without us! Troz!" Pinky cried as he, Brain, and Robotnik climbed higher up the tower.

"THOSE TRRRAITOROUS RRRRAPSCALLIONS!" Robotnik cried. "At least you were loyal!" he said to Grounder, who was waiting for them when they reached the top.

"I would not consider this to be a breach of the contract," Brain remarked. "Zim was just trying to conserve his placement. Wouldn't either of you have done the same thing?" he asked.

"Well, no, Brain," Pinky replied. "It's just not right, to leave people like that..."

"I wouldn't! I need you guys in the final thrrree with me!" Robontik said, although his comment was ignored by Brain.

_"I thought it strange that I was the only one willing to defend Zim," Brain said in his confessional. "I thought our alliance consisted of people willing to take over the world...and be more cutthroat in competitions. Are we really all just too soft?" he wondered._

Mario Bros: currently in Second

Invaders: currently in Third

Bots: currently in Fourth

Robotnik: currently in Fifth

Mice: currently in Sixth

Meanwhile, Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff were flying over the city, well ahead of the other teams on the their Unreal Airs, the greatest rocket-powered skateboards grist could buy, made famous due to the way Dave Strider, their very own beloved creator and ill beat generating coolkid, managed to ride these things so well. His JPG creations, however, had some difficulty.

"DUD, WE KANT cuntroll this thing!" Sweet Bro cried as he almost steered his board into a house.

"Just cheep thaing to shit yer wait in the mibber of the bored, and weeKAN!" Hella Jeff encouraged him, leaning back on his Unreal Air to make it rise, just missing a hosuetop by inches.

"_It was so DANG, SON jerous to DOTHAT so HIGH UP! but it was just SOO much fun!" Hella Jeff cried. "Wie just hoap we made Dave prod..." he added sadly._

_"It was so DIPPOINGTING to NOT C him at theop," Sweet Bro said. "We llamost got CHALKED UP hen we sasw that he drew our feces on the wall in his slep...he REELY KAIRS!" Sweet Bro said, trying not to cry form the emoshun and embarass their creator._

"I see the MOUNTAINE!" Hella Jeff cried as they scanned the city. The Cthulu Fountain matched the description provided by the clue, and SBaHJ did their best to land safely, only injuring two people when their boards crashed into a kiosk set up by the fountain.

"SARI!" Sweet Bro said, taking his and Hella Jeff Unreal Airs and disposing of them by swallowing them whole. JPG stomachs could hold almost anything. They then opened the clue box at the fountain.

"Roadkill: who is GAMBLIN PERSONA?" Sweet Bro read. "I gess ill do it."

_In this Roadblock, teams must make their way by any means to the House of Cards, a bar in the Umbra District not far from the fountain, and notorious for being a frequent hangout for the Midnight Crew. Said Crew will challenge the volunteer to a game of Blackjack, and if the volunteer scores higher than at least two of the Midnight Crew members, they will get their next clue._

"Well, then, were's this UMNBRA DISTICT?" Hella Jeff demanded from the locals. They ignored him.

"Kools light wield have to find ot iursleves," Sweet Bro remarked.

SBaHJ: currently in Furst

Mario and Luigi were next to arrive at the Fountain as Sweet Bro headed off. Mario touched down with ease, placing his Unreal Air against the wall of a building.

"Luigi! Come down! I've a-found the fountain, and I a-can't open the cluebox without you!" Mario called to him as he circled in the air nervously.

"A-how do I stop this thing?!" Luigi cried as his Unreal Air shot up in the air and did 360 degree loops as he clung on for dear life. The Dersites applauded from below, impressed at Luigi's awesome moves on the board. Mario gasped as Luigi suddenly went up vertically, and the board destabilized and shot straight down to the fountain. Mario jumped up and caught Luigi just as the board was impaled by a stone crown sculpted on Cthulu's head. The Dersites cheered wildly as Mario let Luigi down on his feet. Luigi nervously bowed.

"Luigi, don't a-show off like that again! You could get a-killed!" Mario cried.

"I a-wasn't showing off! I a-just didn't know how to get down!" Luigi cried as he opened the cluebox to the sound of cheering Dersites.

"Who is a gambling man? That'd a-be you!" Mario said. Luigi read the rest of the Roadblock and asked his new fans:

"Do any of a-you know where the House of a-Cards is? I'm supposed to play the Midnight a-Crew," Luigi asked. The Dersites gasped, then cheered some more at Luigi's bravery, leading him through the streets of the Umbra District.

"It seems that no matter a-what I do, they like me!" Luigi said happily. Mario shook his head in confusion.

Mario Bros: currently in Second

Vriska, Tavros, and Team Rocket eventually saw the towers. As the Trolls approached the towers, Team Rocket's car suddenly went past them.

"wHY, ARE THEY PASSING US? i THOUGHT, WE WERE ALL FRIENDS," Tavros wondered.

"They're gonna Yield us! We've gotta get there and Yield them first!" Vriska cried frantically.

_"I was a litte mad that the Rockets passed us, putting us in last," Vriska later said in her confessional. "Although I totally would have Yielded them if I could've! Jessie's gr8, 8ut if it came down to it I'd still throw her under the 8us!"_

Jessie and James reached the Yield first. "Drat! Someone's already used it!" Jessie cried. She and James opened the cluebox as the trolls approached. Vriska chuckled.

"I knew they'd do it!" Vriska cried. Jessie looked again at the Yield to see who had been Yielded.

"I take it you let Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff see the stupidity of their own minds? Very clever," Jessie complimented.

"But they might still be ahead of us! I don't see them here!" James said nervously.

"We'll 8e fine! They're pro8a8ly just-" Vriska began, but she gasped when she saw the Bots flying over their heads on Unreal Airs.

"So long, suckers!" Crow cried.

"Good luck at the battle for Last!" Servo taunted as they shot across the sky.

"oH, NO, OUR ALLIANCE, IS LOSING!" Tavros cried.

"Quick, then, let's pick Detours!" Jessie said.

"We should do Warp Time, Jess. Our pokemon could help us find the the clue fast!" James cried.

"8ut we were gonna do Hang Time!" Vriska said.

"wE, WERE?" Tavros asked.

"Yeah. It would 8e easy and fun!" Vriska reassured him.

"mAYBE, FOR YOU, BUT NOT, FOR ME. tHE DOCTOR, IN GALALUNA, SAID THAT, I SHOULDN'T EXHAUST, MY ARMS," Tavros countered.

"Who cares what some quack said? You already have 8ad legs! What more could 8ad arms do to mess you up?" Vriska challenged. She grabbed Tavros, and they headed up Dave's tower together.

"Looks like we're splitting up," James remarked as he and Jessie went up to Rose's tower.

Trolls/Team Rocket: currently in Last

Meanwhile, Zim and Gir patrolled the maze seperately, with Zim managing to keep track of Gir due to his sudden outbursts of joy and fear.

"Gir! Have you found the Transportalizer that takes us out of here?!" Zim called, his voice travelling through the walls of the maze.

"I SEE...I SEE...I SEE BURRITOS!" Gir cried, running for a halucination caused by the endlessness of the maze.

"It will be a very long time before we can find the end," Zim said to himself, "So long as Gir keeps up his incessant...silliness!"

_"It was at this point I began to realize that Gir was not an ideal teammate," Zim said in his confessional. "His loud yellings, his silliness, his erratic driving-I didn't know how long I could last with that...special robot! But I had to keep going, as I had already abandoned my allies."_

Robotnik, the Mice, and Team Rocket weren't long in joining Zim and Gir in the maze. Jessie quickly sent out her Wobuffet, Yanmega, and Seviper, and James sent out Weezing, Carnivine, and Mime Jr.

"We need you to search everywhere for the portal," Jessie instructed them. "Once you find it, wait for us and guard it so that no other teams can enter it before we do. That way, we can be sure to get ahead of all the teams doing this Detour!" The pokemon obeyed, scattering off in different directions to search for the Transportalizer.

"What if we find it before they do?" James asked.

"Then we'll guard it until all of our pokemon show up! They should be able to sense where we are!"

Pinky wandered through the corridors of the maze, quickly seperating from Brain. He whistled a little tune to himself to try and hold back the sense of fear he was getting from being alone in a dark maze. Suddenly, an enormouse monster appeared before him, opening its mouth and stuffing him inside.

"Carnivine!" Carnivine said its name as it held Pinky in its giant mouth.

"Um, mister monster, could you let me out, please?" Pinky pleaded. "I'm in a race, and I have to get out of this maze with my friend Brain!" Carnivine heard Pinky and shook its head, and Pinky was slammed against the walls of its mouth. It then floated silently throughout the rest of the maze, still searching for the transportalizer.

Robotnik ran into Mime Jr., who quickly used Barrier to set up a barrier and block Robotnik.

"Grr! LET ME PASS THIS INSTANT!" Robotnik cried. Mime Jr. taunted him and made faces, then turned around and rounded a corner behind it.

"The pokemon must be out in full force today," Robotnik said, whipping out his green phone. It wasn't actually a cell phone, just a telephone he carried around with him. He used to call Grounder, who quickly answered:

"Yes, Dr. Robotnik?"

"GROUNDER! Drill underground and make me a tunnel so that I can get past the wall one of the Rrrrockets' pokemon set up!"

"But I can't do that! I don't know where you are! I don't even know where I am!" Grounder protested.

"Just fine me and break the barrier!" Robotnik cried.

"Can't you just go around?" Grounder asked.

"...Oh, perhaps I can!" Robotnik cried, backtracking and heading down a different pathway. "Thank you, Mr. Grounder!"

"Glad I could help!" Grounder said.

_"Dr. Robotnik is usually very smart, but sometimes I have to help him. This is the only time I can remember where he didn't get mad at me and call me a hunk of junk for helping him!" Grounder said in his confessional._

Meanwhile, Brain had a run-in with Seviper, who immediately tried to wrap around Brain and sink its teeth into him.

"You will pay dearly if you eat me!" Brain cried as he just narrowly dodged Seviper's fangs. Weezing, meanwhile, used Smog to send out toxic gas throughout most of the maze, causing the other racers to choke and gag. Jessie giggled evilly as she heard the screams and frustration of the others.

"Listen to them all suffer!" Jessie cried gleefully to James.

"Did we really have to send out all of our pokemon? We didn't need for them to endanger the other racers," James pointed out.

"No, but it'll help us win! Come on, I hear Wobuffet!" Jessie cried.

"Can I pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease get by you?" Gir asked, carrying a coughing Zim over his shoulder. Wobuffet was the only thing that stood between them and the Transportalizer. Wobuffet had found it first and was simply following his masters' orders, also having used Safeguard in order to negate Weezing's poison. Gir tried to shoot lasers at him, but Wobuffet used Mirror Coat to launch them back at Gir.

"Gir!" Zim cried as his lungs began to adjust to the gas and he regained conciousness. Zim glared at Wobuffet as Gir crashed into a wall.

"NO ONE ATTACKS GIR BUT MEEEE!" Zim cried, tackling Wobuffet. But using Counter, Wobuffet hit back at Zim with twice as much force.

"Curses...Gir, we must not lose!" Zim cried as he landed beside his robot.

"NEVER, MASTER! AIYEEEEEEH!" Gir came running towards Wobbuffet again, hitting it with full force. But Wobuffet simply used Counter and withstood the hit.

"We cannot beat this beast unless we work together!" Zim cried. Meanwhile, Pinky was still negotiating with Carnivine.

"If I give you a box of Cheez-its, will you let me go?" he asked. Carnivine refused.

"Well, what if I give you...say, are you a plant?" Pinky asked. Carnivine nodded while Pinky was inside his mouth.

"What if I give you a free bag of manure-I mean, fertilizer, if you let Brain and I get through this Detour?" Pinky asked. Carnivine agreed and spat Pinky back out.

"Now is there any way for you to stop Seviper from eating Brain? Zort!" Pinky asked as he saw Brain run for his life from Seviper, too fixated on Brain to notice Pinky. Carnivine hovered over Seviper and grabbed him with his tendrils, holding him back from Brain. Brain looked at Pinky with surprise when he saw him on top of Carnivine.

"How did you tame the pokemon?" Brain asked.

"They're not mean, Brain. They just have evil masters. Troz!" Pinky replied.

"Evil masters..." Brain said. He turned to Seviper and said:

"Aren't you tired of failure? Have you masters ever told you that it was your fault?" Brain asked him. Seviper nodded his head.

"Perhaps they are wrong. Perhaps it is they who are at fault. Perhaps if you were in more capable hands-such as mine-the things you desire could be yours." Seviper thought for a moment and released itself from Carnivine's grip, eager to listen to Brain and no longer hungry.

"Join me, and we can do more than just capture pokemon-we could take over the world!" Brain said. Seviper didn't see much interest in that, so Brain added:

"If you help me take over the world, I will place you on...population control. You will be in charge of...regulating the amount of mice there are, in case they should grow too numerous and begin to revolt against my regime. It will be a high-paying and tasty position," Brain promised. Seviper's eyes lit up, and he nodded.

"Excellent. Then take us to the Transportalizer! And tell the other pokemon to cease and desist their attacks!" Brain ordered. Seviper bowed, eager for his reward which would never come.

"_Bribery is a very simple method of persuasion, and pokemon are very simple-minded and obedient," Brain said in his confessional. "How else are bumbling idiots like Team Rocket able to handle such power that they have without fear of revolt?" _

_"I know, right! Narf! If I had to work with a guy who kept failing, I'd overthrow him!" Pinky cried. "It's a good thing we're so much more sucessful than Team Rocket, right Brain?"_

_"Yes...how fortunate we are," Brain said nervously. "Pinky, why don't you put off this revolt talk..."_

Pinky and the Brain led the pokemon through the maze. Seeing that their allies follow the two mice, Yanmega, Mime Jr., and Weezing all stopped attacking and followed the mice to the end. There, Jessie and James watched as Wobuffet blocked of all of them. Using their pokeballs, Jessie and James quickly returned all of their pokemon, except for Wobuffet, who knocked back the Mice when they tried to get by him. Zim and Gir were also wounded and in a corner.

"But...we promised them the world!" Brain cried. "Why did they submit to you?"

"A pokemon never submits to someone besides its trainer when the trainer is present," Jessie said. "What did you promise them to get them to stop bothering you all, anyway?"

"Fertilizer and mice," Pinky replied.

"Pinky, no!" Brain cried. Jessie laughed.

"I can get them that as soon as the race is over! Thanks for being so easy to slow down!" Jessie taunted.

"FOOLISH HUMAN! As soon as you leave, we can leave as well!" Zim countered. "You wouldn't DARE leave your minions behind!" Wobuffet looked at Jessie expectantly, worried that she would do just that to him.

"Jess, we have to go!" James cried. "There are other teams besides the others here!" Jessie had an idea, and she whispered it to James. James nodded and sent out his Weezing again told him the plan, and stepped into the Transportalizer without his poison-type pokemon and turned it on, sending himself away without Weezing. Weezing took a deep breath, and Jessie held out her pokeball to return Wobuffet, but did not actually turn it on to send him in.

"I'll leave with Weezing and Wobuffet the moment the former blows up with Explosion. It's a little risky, but if it works you guys will be stranded here!" Jessie declared.

"But wouldn't you be hurt in the process?" Brain challenged.

"Yes. Do you silly humans never think your plans THROUGH?" Zim asked.

"That's SOOOOOOOOOO STUPID!" Gir laughed. Jessie scowled at them from behind Wobuffet.

"Weezing...now!" she cried. But just as Weezing was about to explode, Grounder suddenly emerged from the floor and drilled into it. Jessie quickly returned both pokemon and went into the Transportalizer, retreating.

"Grrrounder trrrumps poison!" Robotnik declared.

"Hooray! The allilance saved us! Narf!" Pinky cried. Robotnik took a bow and invited his allies into the portal before him.

Team Rocket: currently in Third

Invaders: currently in Fourth

Mice: currently in Fifth

Robotnik: currently in Sixth

Bots: currently in Seventh

Trolls: currently in Last

At the casino, Luigi went into a dark room while Mario waited at the bar for Luigi to come out with the clue, in a similiar fashion to the way he had to wait at the Jasmine Dragon in Ba Sing Se. Inside the dark room lay a single circular green table.

"You here for the Roadblock?" an average heighted Dersite with a deadly gaze asked.

"-Yes," Luigi replied. The Dersite stood up to shake his hand.

"Name's Spades Slick," he said. "Tall one's Diamonds Droog, big one's Hearts Boxcars-"

"And I'm Clubs Deuce! Nice to meet ya!" the smallest Dersite said.

"I'm a-Luigi," Luigi said. Spades Slick ignored him and offered him a seat at their poker table.

"Let's get down to business. Please tell me you know how to play Blackjack."

"Yes, I a-do. I used to run a casino part a-time," Luigi said.

"Well, I'm the dealer here. Can't have any unfair advantages," Diamonds Droog replied. Luigi sat down, and Droog dealt the cards. He first dealt to Hearts Boxcars, on his left. He then dealt to Luigi, left of Boxcars, then Clubs Deuce, and finally Spades Slick.

"That's the dealin' order. No take backs. Also, the only stakes here is your clue. No bets...unfortunately. And if don't get a hand as your clue says, you go back out and don't get a turn until another team shows up. Then you go after them. You're all waitin' in line," Slick explained to Luigi. Luigi nodded, glancing at his cards. He had a 7 and an 8, giving him 15. Clubs Deuce had a 9 and an 8, giving him 17. Droog had a 5 an 9, giving him 14. Slick had a 10 and a King, giving him 20. Boxcars had an 8 and 4, giving him 12.

"A-hit me!" Luigi said.

"Hit me too!" Clubs Deuce cried. Slick slapped him.

"There. You got what you wanted," he said. "I'm good."

"Hit me," Boxcars said.

"Okay," Droog replied, giving everyone except Spades Slick, including himself, another card. Luigi got a 5, giving him 20. Clubs Deuce got a 7, busting. Boxcars got a 4, giving himself 16. Droog got a 9, also busting.

"Clubs and I busted, so you win. Here's your next clue. Shame, too; nice to play with somebody who keeps everyone quiet," Spades Slick said gruffly, glaring at Clubs Deuce.. Luigi accepted it and left, trying to remain quiet until they were out of the bar.

"Wow, Luigi! That was a-real good!" Mario cried.

"Thank you very much!" Luigi said. "You know how I was always good at those a-card games!"

"What does the clue say?" Luigi asked.

"Go to the next a-Pitstop!" Mario cried.

_Teams must now make their way to Dersite Palace, the Pitstop for this leg of the race. Last team to check in may be eliminated._

Mario Bros: currently in First

Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff found the House of Cards next.

"WOL! This place is like...a SNOZAY BARD!" Sweet Bro exclaimed, noticing the bar, piano, and small stage for meant for the singers that occasionally performed here. Sweet Bro wandered inside the poker room and demanded:

"ANYBOY HER SPEEK ENRISH?" Diamonds Droog motioned for him to sit down.

"You here for the Roadblock?" Hearts Boxcars asked. Sweet Bro nodded, bobbing his head up and down erratically. Slick groaned.

"Don't make a big production. Just take your damn seat," he snapped. Sweet Bro sat down.

"Sew, how do you pay BLAPCK JAK?" he asked. Spades slammed his fist on the table.

"Ya don't know how to play?! Do I really have to waste time on this moron?!" he screamed to the camera crew. Diamonds Droog held him back when he tried to stand up.

"Relax, Boss. This was kind of inevitable, you know," he said, trying to reassure him. Spades Slick calmed down and sat back down.

"Fine. Teach the kid, quick!" he cried. Diamonds Droog did his best to explain how Blackjack worked, and Sweet Bro blankly took in the information. Then he played his first game, being dealt a 6 and a 9 by Droog, giving himself 15. Slick got an Ace and a 10, feeling satisfied to have reached 21 while playing against this idiot. Droog himself got an 8 and a 3, getting 11. Boxcars got a 5 and a 7, getting 12. Clubs Deuce got a and a 6, getting 8.

"Now, if you want another card, just say 'Hit me' or 'Hit'", Droog advised. Sweet Bro narrowed his eyes and declared:

"HITMONMEE." Droog obeyed, giving him a 4, giving Sweet Bro 19 points. Droog dealt himself a 10, getting 21. Boxcars got an 8, giving himself 20. Clubs Deuce, finally, got another 6, bringing himself to 14 points. Sweet Bro and Boxcars stopped there, while Clubs Deuce got a 9, busting. Diamonds Droog frowned at Sweet Bro.

"Sorry. House wins this variation. Deuce busted, but you're below the rest of us in points and could only tie us if I dealt you an ace, with is a little unlikely. You'll have to wait outside and try again after another team plays us," he said. Sweet Bro left in a huff, convinced that the Midnight Crew had rigged the game against him.

"_Eyhe am not shore HOWE, but those giys tubularly screamed me at blapck japck! I woodve asked for a refund, butt then i rebemered that i was paying for a clue, not mony." Sweet Bro said in his confessional later._

The villain teams plus Team Rocket all arrived at the Clue box shortly after each other, and Jessie stepped on the mice in the process while Robotnik's fat body nearly shoved her into the fountain. Zim used his Pak's spider legs to climb over the pile and grab a clue for himself and Gir.

"ROADBLOCK! Who is a gambling maaaaan?" Zim asked. "I suppose I shall do it, although the Tallest forbid gambling in negotiations for other planets unless absolutely necessary." He then read the rules. "Eh, does anyone here play this...Jack Black?" he asked. Brain emerged from Team Rocket after Robotnik and they got the next clue.

"I suppose I could do the Roadblock," James suggested.

"I'll do it as well," Brain added.

"I happened to have played some card games in my lifetime," Robotnik chimed in, also agreeing to do it. The teams then all headed off into the various streets, each hoping to find the House of Cards before Team Rocket-or in Team Rocket's case, before everyone else.

The trolls were next to arrive, with Vriska landed smoothly while Tavros crashed into the fountain.

"Wasn't that awesome?" Vriska asked him.

"nO, JUST PAINFUL," Tavros told her. "

"Don't 8e a wiggler!" she chided as she read the clue. "Okay, I'm doing the Road8lock!" she declared after reading it. "Even though I'm not a man!" she added humorously.

"oKAY. lET, ME GUESS; IT HAS TO DO, WITH LUCK?" he asked her.

"Yep!" Vriska said joyfully.

_"tHE DETOUR, WAS KINDA SCARY, BUT ACTUALLY, KINDA FUN, TOO," Tavros admitted. "i MANAGED TO KEEP UP, WITH VRISKA, BECAUSE ALL I REALLY HAD TO DO, TO GET MOVING, WAS SHIFT MY WEIGHT, WHICH DIDN'T REQUIRE ME, TO USE MY ARMS, OR METAL LEGS, TOO MUCH."_

"WHOOOOOOO HOOOOOO! This is more fun than watching Robin Williams and Matthew Broderick eat dirt!" Crow cried as he flew on an Unreal Air.

"This is more fun than having the cast of Swamp Diamonds have a sexy mudfight!" Servo cried in agreement. When the Bots landed, they saw the fountain and read their next clue.

"Who is a gambling man?"

"Oh, me! I'll make it double or nothing!" Crow declared fiercely.

"We're just playing for the clue," Servo explained after reading the rest of it.

"Oh. Well, where do we go?" Crow asked.

"Some place called the House of Cards. Let's get to it!" Servo replied.

Meanwhile at the Palace, Bill tried not to disconcertingly ogle the Black Queen and her ebony legs. Mario and Luigi went to the mat, also placed in front of a throne like last time.

"Welcome to Derse," the Black Queen said as warmly as she possibly could, but still coming off as a little sinister.

"A-thank you very much!" Mario replied.

"Mario and Luigi...you are team number 1!" Bill said.

"YA-HOOOOOOO!" Mario cried, accidentally endorsing Yahoo.

Mario and Luigi: First, arriving at 10:25 PM

"A-what do we win?" Luigi asked. Bill thought for a moment and declared:

"A chance to meet Andrew Hussie at a Comiccon!" he declared.

"A-who's this Hussie person?" Mario asked. Bill whimpered.

"Just go check into a hotel," he said sadly.

Using Yanmega, Team Rocket was the next team to reach the House of Cards. James entered the poker room and played against the Midnight Crew.

"I know how to play," he explained, much to Spades Slick's relief. As Droog began to deal the cards, the Mice showed up.

"Typical that they arrive before us," Brain said.

"Don't worry about it, Brain. I'll bet they're not so bright when it comes to Blackjack!" Pinky reassured him.

"For our safety in this race, I hope you're right," Brain said. Meanwhile, Droog dealt James a 5 and a 4, giving him 9. Droog got an 8 and a 3, giving himself 11. Slick got a 4 and an Queen, giving himself 14. Clubs Deuce got an Ace and a 7, giving himself 18. Boxcars got a 9 and a 5, giving himself 14. Everyone asked for another card. James got a 6, Droog got a 10, Spades Slick got a 5, Clubs Deuce got another 7, and Hearts Boxcars got a 10. This gave James 15 and Spades Slick 18, with everyone else busting. Spades Slick begrudgingly gave him the clue.

"You're lucky this ain't a real game," he warned him. James went back out with the clue, much to Brain's dismay, and joined Jessie outside.

"The Pitstop!" they both said excitedly.

"The Palace should be easy to find. We can practically see it from here!" Jessie said, eying it in the distance.

Team Rocket: currently in Second

The Bots were next to arrive, followed by Zim and Robotnik. Now only the trolls had to find the place.

"Wow, this place is quiet! Did somebody die in here, or something?" Crow asked. Diamonds Droog, who was just emerging with the Brain, clue in hand, said yes.

"It ain't a story worth telling, though. Who's next?" Droog asked. Crow stepped up.

"Okay, hit me with those cards!" Crow cried.

"We'll do our best," Spades Slick said, trying not to reach for his knife that Droog was holding for the safety of the racers. Minutes later, Crow emerged without the clue, causing the other teams to feel relieved, if only briefly. Zim was next. After several screaming sessions from both Spades Slick and Zim, the latter emerged bruised and beaten, also without the clue.

"THOSE FOOLS! Thinking they could cheat while playing against Zim!" Zim cried.

"You were the one who cheated. You can't just knock of all our cards because you're pissed and have a low score," Droog chided. Robotnik was next, emerging with the clue minutes later.

"Hoorrray! Now I can get to the Pitstop!" Robotnik cried gleefully while the other racers groaned.

"hEY, VRISKA, I THINK, I SEE, THE PLACE," Tavros told her after they had wandered the streets for a while.

"Ugh! Finally! I was ready to chop off your 8one 8ulge for those 8ad directions you got! You shouldn't have trusted that law-loving Regulator! He was waaaaaaaay too much like Terezi for comfort!" she scolded.

"bUT HE, WAS THE ONLY ONE, WHO KNEW, THE WAY, EVEN THOUGH, HE MAY HAVE TAKEN US, THROUGH A BAD PART, OF THE TOWN," Tavros said as they went inside.

"Tav, that's the point! Haven't you ever heard of a casino?" Vriska said frustratingly as they joined the line for Blackjack. It was now Sweet Bro's turn. This time, however, he came out with the clue.

"ALL SITE, MAN!" Hella Jeff congratulated.

"Amke your way to the next Stoppit!" Sweet Bro cried excitedly. Vriska waited impatiently for the other teams to finish their games, realizing that if they all won, she and Tavros were done for.

Mice: currently in Third

Robotnik: currently in Fourth

SBaHJ: currently in FITH

But much to Vriska's relief, both teams second attempts were not sucessful. Vriska quickly entered the poker room, knowing that luck was her forte, and it would surely not fail her now.

Droog dealt himself a 9 and a 10, giving himself 19. Hearts Boxcars was dealt an 8 and a 4, giving himself 12. Vriska got a 7 and an 8, getting 15. Clubs Deuce got a 4 and a 2, getting only 6. Spades Slick got a Jack and an Ace, automatically getting 21.

"Gonna be hard for you to win, now," Jack warned her, trying to shake the feeling that he knew her from somewhere. She had some strange, 8itchy qualities about her, not unlike an ex hate-lover he once had...it filled him with rage to just look at her with her smug poker face. Droog dealt to everyone besides himself and Slick. Vriska got a 3, giving her 18, Boxcars got a 10, busting, and Clubs Deuce got a 2, getting 8.

"Still wanna keep going?" Droog asked.

"Hit me!" Vriska replied. Droog dealt her another 3, much to everyone's surprise, and Clubs Deuce got an Ace, bringing himself to 19.

"Pretty good. Boxcars busted, and I Clubs Deuce and I can't really go any higher safely," Diamonds Droog said. He was about to give Vriska her clue when Spades Slick called out:

"Wait! Deal yourselves one more!" he said to Diamonds Droog and Clubs Deuce.

"But Slick, she's kinda already won!" he cried.

"THAT'S AN ORDER, NOW DO IT!" Slick yelled. Droog did so, getting a 3 for himself and Clubs Deuce, bringing them to 22 points so that they both busted. Spades Slick growled.

"Grr...something must be wrong with the cards! Or maybe you dealt wrong!" he protested to Droog as he gave Vriska her clue.

"Calm down, Boss. It's just a game. She just got lucky," Droog reassured him.

"Yeah. Lucky," Slick said to himself as Vriska went out with Tavros.

"_That Sp8des Slick guy was kinda creepy! I think he might've had a 8lack thing for me, or something, 8ut I don't really know why. I didn't even know Carapacians could have those! I'll 8et I reminded him of some8ody! Eh, who cares," Vriska said in her confessional._

The next four teams arrived at the Pitstop minutes after each other.

"You are team number 2!" Bill said to Team Rocket.

Team Rocket: Second, arriving at 11:18 PM

Mice: Third, arriving at 11:29 PM

Robotnik: Fourth, arriving at 11:43 PM

SBaHJ: FITH, arriving at 11:57 PM

Trolls: Sixth, arriving at 12:12 AM

It all boiled down to the last two teams, who both won their next Blackjack games and ran on foot as fast as they could to the Palace, which was in sight.

"Hey, this is just a repeat of the last leg!" Crow cried.

"Yeah. Same desperate palace running, same loser teams behind everybody else, and everything!" Servo cried.

"Except we're not using cabs," Crow added.

"Oh, yeah," Servo said. Zim raced ahead of them by sending out the spider legs on his Pak, and Gir rocketed into the air, soaring into the Dersite sky with little control. Zim finally arrived at the Pitstop as Servo and Crow were closing in on him.

"Where's your teammate? You must both be here before I can check you in," Bill said.

"Um...he's...coming!" Zim said nervously. But just as Crow and Servo arrived in the palace throneroom and made a mad dash for the mat, Gir crashed through the ceiling and landed right in front of it.

"HIIIII!" Gir said, waving to Bill and the Black Queen. Zim sighed, helping Gir up as Bill checked them in.

"You are team number 7! You are still in the race!" Bill said to them.

Invaders: 7th, arriving at 12:14 AM

"HA! NO ONE CAN DEFEAT THE MIGHT ZIIIIIM! YOUR PENALTIES WERE IN VAIN!" Zim cried.

"The penalties were all on the last leg," Bill pointed out.

"Eh? Oh. Well, then...thank you, Gir, for not screwing up," Zim said. "Perhaps I was wrong in thinking that you-and the other villians-were invalueable. Perhaps through hard work, perseverance, and-and-" Zim looked as if he would vomit- "TEAM WORK, we can overcome any further obstacles." Gir hugged Zim happily.

"Glad you see it mah way!" he said. Crow and Servo finally stepped on the mat as Zim and Gir left.

"You are the last team to arrive," Bill said sadly.

"Well, it was fun while it lasted," Crow said. Slipping into his Scandahoovian accent, Servo added:

"Oh, yah. It will always live on inar harts, and in ar minds," Servo said.

_"Yeah, afterwords we got a lotta flak from Joel and Mike. Apparently, they thought we were 'too mean' to some of the other teams, who they were too ignorant to name," Servo said in his final confessional. "Frankly, I think that's about as ridiculous as Michael Bay making a movie free of explosions!"_

_"The muppets may have not liked us for our snarkiness, but we couldn't really care less!" Crow said in his final confessional. "We've had to make fun of movies in a satellite for years, so how could we be the most hospitable people on the planet? The mockery we like to give to the stuff we see around us practically our job, and I wouldn't trade it for the execution of the Forrester family! Yeah, that's right, I'm serious!" Crow declared._

_"Well, Crow, push the button," Servo said._

_"Servo, this is a reality show. Why would they have a button?" Crow asked._

_"I don't know, it was the first thing that popped into my head," Servo admitted._

_1. _Mario Bros

_2. _Team Rocket

_3. _Mice

_4. _Robotnik

_5. _SBaHJ

_6. _Trolls

_7. _Invaders


	6. I don't know how long my pants can hold!

Chapter 7, leg 6: The Desert Planet

Mario and Luigi left at their departure time, 10:25 AM. When they were leaving the hotel, they noticed that the other teams were all awake, lounging in the lobby or in their rooms and waiting for their departure, or just eating lunch they had packed. It wasn't until they had left the hotel and were taking a cab to the airport that Mario and Luigi read their clue.

"A-Fly to Mos Eisley, Tatooine!" Luigi said. "I've a-never been there before."

"I a-heard it's very hot, and full of a-dangerous characters," Mario warned.

"You don't a-think Bowser will be there, do you?" Luigi asked. Mario shook his head.

"A-no, I wasn't talking about him. He's not a-too dangerous," he joked. "This leg should be a-easy, since we get to the airport while it's a still open, hours ahead of a-the other teams!"

Mario Bros: currently in First

The Brothers quickly went to the airport and searched for a flight.

"The Galaxia airlines leaves at 11:30, makes a connection in Coruscant, and arrives in Mos Eisley at 2:31," the attendant told them. The Mario Bros. booked the flight.

"We'll be way ahead of almost all the other a-teams!" Luigi said triumphantly.

Mario Bros: first on Galaxia

Jessie and James were next to leave, almost an hour after the Mario Bros. They headed to the airport and chose Galaxia, like the previous team had done.

"I'm afraid we're out of room. However, I can put you both on standby," the flight attendant said.

""?! No, we need to get on the plane, now!" Jessie said, trying not to inflate her head.

"I'm sorry, but you'll have to wait. I'll do the best I can," the attendant said. Team Rocket endured the agonizing wait, and finally, 5 minutes before departure, the attendant gave them their tickets.

"Thank goodness we got on!" Jessie said with relief.

"Now we just have to beat the brothers, and the race will be in the bag!" James declared.

_"The pressure was really on for us," Jessie said. "We thought that we were the only two teams who had a chance at winning, since the other teams woud have to be showing up hours after us!"_

_"I was a-so disappointed when I saw the Rockets on the plane," Luigi said. "I thought that our chances at winning two legs in a row had gone out the window!"_

Team Rocket: second on Galaxia

Just as Pinky and the Brain left the hotel, they saw a plane flying over the Dersite sky.

"Egad, Brain, look at how that plane's going straight into the abyss of squid-people!" Pinky cried.

"Personally, I find the works of Lovecraft to be rather overrated," Brain remarked. "Let's just get to airport and hope that plane wasn't one leaving for Mos Eisley. That's where we're going, apparently."

"Narf! Tatooine! Does everybody have tatoos there?" Pinky asked Brain. When they got to the Galaxia airlines counter, the flight attendant explained to them that they had just missed the flight.

"Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?" Brain asked.

"I think so...there might be some tatoo parlors over in Tatooine!" Pinky pondered.

"No! That plane we saw was probably going to Tatooine! We don't have a chance of catching up!" Brain cried. But Pinky had already scampered off to Transportalizer airlines.

"Okay, so when does it leave and arrive?" Pinky asked.

"It leaves at 12:30 and arrives in Mos Eisley at 2:57", the flight attendant replied. As soon as Brain had finished bemoaning his fate, Pinky returned to him with the tickets.

"We'll be the first team on this next flight!" Pinky exclaimed.

"Oh...thank you, Pinky," Brain replied.

_"I was not 'freaking out' when we missed that flight! I was simply...trying to help Pinky understand the setback!" Brain insisted in his confessional._

Mice: First on Transportalizer

The other four teams arrived at the airport in time to book Transportalizer as well. Pinky was glad to see Robotnik's and Zim's teams arrive, and he was also friendly to the Trolls and the JPGs.

"This'll be great, sharing a flight together! Now we're all caught up! Zort!" Pinky cried happily. "Hey, Vriska, Tavros, Sweet Bro, Hella Jeff, would you like to join our alliance?" he asked.

"Pinky, no!" Brain cried. But the words had already been heard by all the racers present.

"I thought this was a _villian's _alliance! I'm not participating with these dangerous rrrogues!" Robotnik protested. "They're not even evil!"

"Technically, I don't consider my plans to conquer the world 'evil'," Brain said weakly, knowing that the others wouldn't listen.

"NOOOO! THIS ALLIANCE EXISTS FOR THE BENEFIT OF ZIIIIIM! NOT OTHERS!" Zim cried defensively.

"Hey, I can 8e pretty evil! At least, according to SOME people," Vriska said.

"uH, YEAH, VRISKA IS, REALLY EVIL, TO ME. REALLY," Tavros added, hoping that they could join this alliance.

"JEROMY in'st apart of this, is SHE?" Sweet Bro asked. "Sniffnot, ID LURV to jon!"

"Nonsense! The alliance has no rrroom for new members! Tell him, Brain!" Robotnik said.

"I'm afraid Robotnik is correct. The alliance cannot accept either of you. The whole thing is generally superficial, anyway," Brain said. The other racers dispersed and didn't talk for the rest of the flight, but Pinky's damage was permanent. The other teams now knew that their was an alliance that could be out to get them soon.

_"It was bad enough to have all of the teams caught up, but to have Pinky blurt out like that?! Unacceptable!" Brain cried. "I was worried that he had just triggered a metaphorical avalanche. I didn't tell him this, though, because then he would've been spending his time worrying about a literal one."_

_"I knew that rrrright then and there, the alliance had to be suspended! It had been shamefully exposed by one of its own!" Robotnik cried._

_"Foolish mouse! Blowing our cover! It's a good thing this is merely ENTERTAINMENT, or else I would have had him taken to the Tallest as a prisoner! The penalty for exposing an Invader deliberately is-usually-DOOOOOOOOOM!" Zim cried._

_"I didn't see why everyone was so upset," Pinky remarked. "If they had both joined us, we could've all teamed up and beat the leading teams! It was foolproof, not foolish! It wasn't until afterward that I learned I had made a big mistake..."_

The first plane arrived in Mos Eisley as scheduled. The whole planet was a vast and hot desert, despite the fact that it was so far away from the bright center of the universe. Like most other Outer Rim worlds, it was lawless and chaotic in its cities, and nearly empty outside of them. While not the capitol, Mos Eisley was the most infamous city, once described as "A wretched hive of scum and villainy." Unfortunately, this did not give much advantage to the evil teams.

The Mario Bros. and Team Rocket quickly went out to the airport, noticing that there were no marked cars. Instead, there were 7 primitive-looking four-leged dinosaurs tied to posts in the parking lot. In front of the posts was the cluebox.

"Route info," Luigi read with Jessie.

"You're not facing a Detour just yet, but a choice lies in front of you. These Dewbacks aren't the fastest creatrues in the galaxy, but they know exactly where they're going. Will you trust their instincts, or go it alone?"

"Just a-tell the Dewback to take you to Chulman's Cantina...or not!" Luigi read. "I a-think we should take the Dewbacks. They a-can't be too slow," Luigi suggested to Mario.

"What do we do?" James asked. Jessie sent out Yanmega.

"We already have pokemon to manage! We don't need another beast to control! Let's just hope Yanmega will find the way!" Jessie said to James. "Chulman's Cantina!" she cried to Yanmega, who flew off in search of it.

_"I only used Yanmega once because we were lost and not in last. I didn't think I'd have to use him again, but what do you know?" Jessie remarked. "I just hope he can find it quickly. First place isn't our main priority, though; it's not being in last that matters."_

Mario and Luigi got on their Dewback and untied it. Luigi told it where they wanted to go, and the beast trudged through the streets, instinctively knowing what route to take. Yanmega hovered over the city, keeping some of its compound eyes on the Mario bros., and others on the rest of Mos Eisley. It finally spotted the cantina just as the Mario bros. approached it. The pokemon quickly went back to its master to report its findings.

"Now we follow Yanmega on foot!" Jessie said to James. The two set out into the streets, pushing their way through the crowds of citizens to follow Yanmega, who made sure to fly slow enough for them to follow.

Mario bros: currently in First

Team Rocket: currently in Second

Luigi found the cluebox and opened it just as Team Rocket was closing in on the cantina, trying to ignore the repetitive song being played.

"Roadblock: Who is a good shot and has good a-reflexes?" Luigi read.

"I a-think that would have to be a-me!" Mario replied.

_Teams must now go to the back parking lot of the cantina, where Greedo, Han Solo, and the Millenium Falcon are waiting for them. The volunteer for the Roadblock will be given a dart gun with three tranquilizing darts as ammunition to shoot Greedo with. When Han fires his blaster into the air, the match showdown begins, and the volunteer will have to act fast and shoot Greedo with a tranquilizing dart before he can do the same. If the volunteer is shot by Greedo, or if all of their ammunition is used up, they will have to try again in five minutes (which is how long the tranquilization will knock the team member out anyway). Once Greedo is shot and out cold, Han will give the teams their next clue. Warning: if the volunteer is knocked out, other teams can attempt the Roadblock while he/she is unconcious._

"I hope I can a-get this in one go," Mario said to Luigi as they headed outside. Han Solo and Greedo noticed their arrival, and the later's alien eyes intimidated Luigi.

"On my signal," Han said simply. "Ready?" he asked Mario and Greedo. Both nodded, and Han fired his blaster. Greedo shot first, but Mario saw it and dodged with a jump, hitting Greedo from the air. Greedo collapsed, unconcious from the tranquilization. Han gave Mario his next clue.

"A-thank you so much!" Mario said to Han. "That wasn't so a-hard, was it, Luigi? Luigi?" Mario turned around and gasped when he saw that Luigi had been knocked out by the dart Greedo had fired.

"Mamma mia! Luiiigiii!" Mario cried. "How long does this a-last?"

"Five minutes," Han replied. "He'll be okay. Just don't let anybody mug him. I was told that you can't leave unless you're both concious, so..."

"That's okay. I don't a-want Luigi knocked out while we're a-travelling, anyway," Mario said, noticing Team Rocket arriving outside.

_"I was a-so scared, just watching and waiting for Luigi to wake up. I believed Han, but I was a-still worried that somehow, Luigi would be out for much longer than he should've been..." Mario said in his confessional._

"Which of you's doing it?" Han asked. Jessie raised her hand.

"Okay. You'll have to wait 'til he wakes up," Han added. "In the meantime, go get yourselves a drink. You all look parched."

"Well, then...I guess I'll have a martini," James said to Jessie. Han laughed.

"What do you think I am, your cocktail waitress? I'll be getting _myself _a Bud Light," Jessie said.

"Now _that's _a real drink!" Han said. "Maybe a little of that could wake ole' Bugeyes up," he added, referring to Greedo. While Jessie went inside to order her drink, she looked at the clock. It read 2:55 PM.

"Oh, no, the other teams are almost here!" she thought. Her heart sank even more when she saw that Luigi had woken up and was heading out the cantina with Mario.

"A-where does it say to go?" Luigi asked.

"Watto's a-slave store," Mario replied.

_Teams must now travel to a spare parts store owned by Watto, the Toydarian known for having kept Anakin and his mother as slaves for a time. Once they arrive, he will give them their next clue._

Mario bros: currently in First

Team Rocket: currently in Second

The other 5 teams poured out of the airport as the Mario bros. left the cantina. When they saw all the Dewbacks, they realized what decision they had to make.

"We can't take those prrrrimitive animals!" Robotnik cried to Grounder. "We could make better time ourselves!" he and Grounder attempted to run on foot, but as other teams went ahead of them he realized that a Dewback would have to be used after all.

"Grab onto my Pak, Gir! The filthy BEASTS cannot take us to our destination quickly! We shall have to search for it ourselves!" Gir did so, and Zim's mechanical spider legs from his Pak appeared for the third time in the race, this time to allow him to climb over the buildings of Mos Eisley.

Vriska was about to ignore the Dewbacks and move on, but she turned around when she heard Tavros giving gentle telepathic encouragement to the animal.

"iF WE, ARE NICE ENOUGH TO HIM, THEN HE'LL RUN, AS FAST AS HE CAN," Tavros explained. Vriska got on.

"May8e so. We have an advantage they don't, why don't we use it?" Vriska said to herself.

_"I should have known that they would make us do more animal stuff! It's a good thing I 8rought Tavros! May8e Terezi would've 8een a 8ad choice after all!" Vriska said in her confessional. "Not that you'd do 8ad on the race, Terezi. Until we got some visual challenge, that is!"_

Their Dewback, at Tavros' command, went off quickly, heading first left, and then right down an alley for the quickest route to the cantina. Robotnik quickly got on a Dewback with Grounder, but his didn't go as fast because he had less control over it. Pinky and the Brain decided to go on foot, as did Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff. Pinky was trampled by the latter team, and Brain stopped to help him.

"If we can catch up to them, we should be able to latch onto their backs and ride them to the cantina!" Brain suggested to Pinky.

"Naaaarf...good thinking, Brain! But are you pondering what I'm pondering?" Pinky asked.

"No, Pinky, we won't have time to order nachos," Brain replied.

"No, no. Although that's a great idea. What if they can't find it? They didn't take a Dewback," Pinky pointed out.

"We shall have to take this risk," Brain said.

Trolls: currently in Third

Invaders: currently in Fourth

Robotnik: currently in Fifth

SBaHJ: currently in SIX

Mice: currently in Last

Jessie fired her gun, but failed to dodge Greedo's blast. He dodged hers, and she was out cold for the next few minutes.

"I knew I should've brought Chimecho! He knows Heal Bell, he could get us out of this!" James thought. As he waited for Jessie to wake up, the Trolls arrived and read the Roadblock.

"Another Road8lock you can't do for me! Oh well!" Vriska said.

"_i COULD SEE THAT, VRISKA WAS UPSET, ABOUT HAVING TO DO ANOTHER ROADBLOCK, BUT I'M GLAD, SHE DIDN'T MAKE ME, DO IT. i, CAN'T REALLY DODGE STUFF, AND I, DON'T HAVE VERY GOOD, REFLEXES," Tavros said shamefully in his confessional._

Vriska quickly fired before Greedo could even begin to touch the trigger, knocking him out. Han gave her the clue.

"Gr8! Where next?" she asked as she read it.

"i THINK WE HAVE TO GO, TO A SLAVE STORE," Tavros said nervously, reading the clue.

"Neat! May8e we can 8uy a slave to 8e our third team member!" Vriska cried. As the Trolls left, Zim and Gir found the tavern and read the clue.

"Hmm...you are not the best shot, Gir, but as a machine, you should be immune to tranquilization," Zim reasoned. "You shall do the Roadblock!"

"YAAAAAY!" Gir cried, happily running around in tiny circles.

"Yes, Gir, celebrate as much as you want, because if you do this properly, then we shall have a chance at WINNING THIS LEG!" Zim cried. They went outside, but Jessie had already stood up to retake the challenge. This time, she managed to dodge all of Greedo's shots, but he managed to dodge all of hers as well. She groaned in frustration as Gir took his turn, easily shooting Greedo due to his immunity.

"EXCELLENT, GIR!" Zim cried. " Where is our next destination?"

"WE GET TO GOOO TO THE ELEPHANT FLY WATTO'S SHOP!" Gir cried, reading the clue.

"Yes, very good. We shall make our way to this UNDOUBTEDLY SMELLY elephant fly creature beast's store, and demand our clue from him!" Zim and Gir left as Jessie sat in a corner, furious with herself. On their way out, Zim said to Robotnik, who was just coming in:

"Use your robot. Trust me on this one!" Robotnik didn't know what he meant by that until he opened up the cluebox.

"Well, I have some accuracy with the Roboticizer, but I have no rrreflexes! But neither do you," Robotnik said to Grounder. "Let's hope Zim is to be trusted today!"

"Yeah, I hope so!" Grounder added.

_"Trrrust is a very complicated affair for a proper villian," Robotnik explained. "It rrequires you, sometimes, to surrrender your own ideas for those of another, which may or may not help you. I didn't know if our alliance was still intact."_

_"Robotnik was deemed worthy of assistance," Zim said. "It will be good to have someone with similiar ideals of conquest at the final three. I do not know if the same can be said for the mice, however..."_

Invaders: currently in Third

With his machineyness, Grounder easily beat Greedo.

"Well, then, it's off to Watto's!" Robotnik cried as he and Grounder left. Jessie held her head in her hands, until Han shook her to get her attention.

"It's your turn," he said. Jessie braced herself, ready to dodge Greedo's hits. She dodged first one, then another, and finally the last one by dashing out of the way after it was fired. She then went on the offensive, chasing Greedo down to the end of the parking lot and shooting him in the back. Han gave Jessie her much-needed clue.

"That's how I would've done it, if I had gotten the chance," Han remarked. Jessie blushed with pride.

"Oh, thank you!" she giggled, heading out with James.

"_Han Solo...he seemed really tough!" Jessie said with a hint of captivation and admiration. But then she frowned. "Turns out he was already married to some princess, of course. I thought that someone in his line of work would be more suited to someone like me, what with our simliar backgrounds...but I guess I was too late. Oh well, I guess I always have James."_

Robotnik: currently in Fourth

Team Rocket: currently in Fifth

Mario and Luigi arrived at Watto's store, still maintaining their lead. The Toydarian-but more commonly referred to as an "Elephant Fly" hovered towards them from the back of the shop.

"Your clue. I have it," he said simply, handing it to them. "You are the first team here so far. Perhaps you would graciously take time to purchase some of my items?"

"I'm a-sorry, but I don't think I can support the business of someone involved in the slave trade!" Luigi said, at first trying to be polite, but then coming across as blunt.

"Shhh! Not in front of the camera! Besides, I have no slaves now! No one on the planet does! It was outlawed a few decades ago!"

"Oh, sorry," Luigi said. "Well...okay. But only because a-it seems like the right thing to 0do, supporting a small business. Mario, I'm gonna look around. Could you-?"

"No time, Luigi! We have to go!" Mario cried, dragging Luigi off when he got the clue from a disappointed Watto.

"Detour," Mario read. "_Eat Dust _or_ Eat Meat?"_

_In Eat Dust, teams must travel to a nearby pod-racing track in the city and race in machines similiar to those used in pod-racing exhibitions. For safety reasons, the pods' speed and frailty have been decreased from those found in standard races. The pods all have two seats, and teams will have to work together to manuver their pod through the course in less than ten minutes. If they fail to complete the course in time, they will have to try again or wait in line if other teams are present. The task is scary, but those with good reflexes, coordination, and teamwork can accomplish the task._

_In Eat Meat, teams must travel to an even closer resteuraunt, where they will both be forced to eat 15 pounds of roast Gungan meat. Some may consider this task a literal delicacy, but others may find it revolting._

"Let's a-do the pod racing!" Mario said. "It can't a-be too different from racing in karts!"

"I don't know. It seems kinda scary," Luigi said.

"Let's a-go!" Mario said, getting on the Dewback with Luigi and telling him to go the pod-racing course. The Dewback miraculously seemed to know exactly where to go, and they were at the course in no time at all.

Meanwhile, SBaHJ wandered the streets of Mos Eisley, lost.

"DUDE, I DLOT yewe shud have gotten on the lizards! They woodve naked us thair by naow!" Hella Jeff said.

"mkay, kay, uwur rit!" Sweet Bro replied angrily. "Wii shouldve rtaken the lizards!"

"Pinky, now is our chance! Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff are hopelessly lost! We'll just have to find the cantina ourselves!" Brain cried, jumping off of Sweet Bro. Pinky fell on top of him from Hella Jeff, and they scampered off.

"Hay look! Mice3! THEY can lead us!" Sweet Bro declared.

_"Toes mice were so pelful, they mite as wool hav ben a TEEM!" Sweet Bro said in his confessional._

_"To this day, Sweet Bro does not recognize us as the mice that inadvertantly led him and Hella Jeff to the cantina," Brain said. "I wanted to seperate them, but doing so would seperate me from Pinky, which would be much worse. He wouldn't be able to find me if I was two inches away from him, unless I indicated my presence somehow!"_

The two teams finally reached the cantina by pure luck. They both headed inside and read the clue.

"Hoo's a goooood shot and has gooood freelexes?" Hella Jeff read. "Ill do it. Afer all, I wasnt the one who FELL DOWN THE STAIRS, BRO!"

"Don remind me," Sweet Bro added.

"That has to be you, Brain!" Pinky cried.

"My size should be of some assistance," Brain added. "I would be a smaller target, but how well could I aim?"

"Good luck!" Pinky cried, having no clue as to how to answer that question.

SBaHJ: currentli in SIX

Mice: currently in Last

"Yanmega, good job!" Jessie said to him after he had led them to Watto's store.

"So, you are the owner of my distant cousin, hmm?" Watto said. "I may have just the thing for someone like him..."

"No time! We need the clue!" James said, snatching it from him.

"Eat Dust or Eat Meat?" Jessie asked her partner after reading the Detour options.

"Most of our pokemon couldn't help us on the eating challenge, and I'd say my stomach is rather weak," James replied. "Perhaps the pod-racing would suit us better?"

"Fine, but I'm driving," Jessie replied.

Team Rocket: currently in Second

Hella Jeff attempted the challenge before Brain could. Greedo tried to shoot him, but Hella Jeff dodged it just so that the dart would tear off the stitches of part of his footie pajamas, instead of penetrating his odd skin.

"U misssed!" Hella Jeff taunted. Greedo shot again, and this time Hella Jeff was shot and fell to the ground. Brain attempted to fire next, but missed. Greedo shot twice, but missed Brain due to his small size. On the last shot, however, Greedo shot at Brain and knocked him out.

"Get up, Brain! Wake up before Hella Jeff does!" Pinky said in encouragement, although there was no way for Brain to hear him. It was a tension-filled moment for both teams, because they knew that whoever woke up first would probably be the first to attempt the Roadblock again. But because Brain was just a tiny mouse, the tranquilization lasted somewhat longer than usual, and Hella Jeff woke up first and tried again.

Meanwhile, back at Watto's shop, the Trolls were the next team to arrive, with Zim and Gir in hot pursuit.

"Ah, so it is true what they say about Alternian horns; no two are exactly alike!" Watto said when they appeared. He then turned to Tavros and added, "If you were to sell just a small portion of your horns to me, I could easily return the profit when I make contact with a certain customer I know..." Tavros looked uneasy, but Vriska intervened.

"His horns aren't worth much, trust me! They're practically 8roken, anyway! You're not gonna make much money off of them, 8elieve me!" Vriska said, attempting to use her powers to spearhead her persuasion. But Watto chuckled.

"Mind manipulation does not work on species! I only succumb to the will of profit and money!" Watto told her. Vriska, looking very angry about the situation, snatched the clue from him and left.

"Come on, Tavros, this is a 8ad part of town," she said, taking him with her.

"_M8n, I h8ed that Watt8 guy! Noooooooo8ody can just w8ltz up t8 me and say 'I'm immune t8 y8ur mind powers for n8 g88d reason!' That d8esn't m8ke any sense! I could kinda get it with 8rain and his smartym8useness, 8ut that fly's head had to 8e a8out as 8lunt as his nose, esp8cially with his talk of horn pawning! I mean, what kind of sick 8eing 8uys troll horns! Ugh! Not even I'd do that t8 Tavros! Wh8 was the depraved pers8n that decided we sh8uld visit that fre8k, anyway?!"_

"tHANK YOU, FOR SAVING ME, FROM THE SLAVEMASTER FLY," Tavros said.

"Sure. I guess I owe you one," Vriska said.

"wHAT, DO YOU MEAN?" Tavros asked.

"Never mind, I was just thinking out loud," she said.

"nO, TELL ME!" Tavros insisted. Vriska did so, thinking she would regret it.

"Well, you were right a8out the Detour in Galaluna. Happy now? You're...just as important in this team as I am! I mean, when I think a8out it, we would've 8een out 8y now if you weren't there to do the stuff I needed you to do in 8a Sing Se and Galaluna. Heck, I almost wanna say that you're on equal footing with me in this race in terms of skill...8ut that's certainly not true! 8ut what I mean is, well, thanks."

"yOU'RE WELCOME, " Tavros replied. "mAYBE, I'M NOT AS STRONG AS YOU, IN SOME AREAS, BUT I'M GLAD, THAT YOU'RE TRYING, TO APPRECIATE, MY INPUT. fOR YOUR ATTEMPT, AT GIVING ME CREDT, WHERE IT IS DUE, I'LL LET YOU DECIDE, WHICH DETOUR TO DO. sINCE YOU, HAD TO TRUST ME ONCE, I'LL TRUST YOU, TOO."

"Gr8! We're doing pod-racing!" Vriska said. "8ut seriously, cut the softiness! I thought you 8roke your arms and horns from that fall, not your heart!"

"tHEY, DIDN'T BREAK, THEY FRACTURED," Tavros insisted. "aND BESIDES, THEY'RE GETTING, BETTER NOW."

Trolls: currently in Third

Robotnik's and Zim's teams arrived at Watto's store at the same time.

"What either of you gentlemen care for-?" Watto began, but both villians ignored him and grabbed the clue.

"Detour: What shall we do?" Robotnik asked Gir and Grounder.

"Uh, let's do the-" Grounder began, but Gir interrupted him.

"I LIKE MEAT! MEAT MEAT MEAT MEAT MEEEEEEEEEAT!" Gir cried. Zim thought for a moment about Gir's proposition.

"Yes, it does seem like the challenge involving the consumption of MEAT would be easier. However, the pod racing looks a thousand times more fun...gasp! IT'S A TRAP!" Zim gasped.

"What do you mean?" Robotnik asked.

"The Dib-I mean, the producers-are trying to deceive us into thinking that the pod-racing will be easier, preying upon our pathetic senses of pleasure!" Zim cried. "Surely we can MEAT in less than ten minutes?"

"Hmm, you-a have a point," Robotnik said. "Mr. Grounder, take the Dewback to the rrresteuraunt where we shall be dining."

"You heard him, Mr. Dewback," Grounder instructed. The Dewback went off, and Zim followed with Gir.

Robotnik/Invaders: currently in Fourth and Fifth

The pod-racing track, the same one which hosted the Boonta Eve Classic so many years ago (aka Episode I) had been refurbished in anticipation of the racers.

The Mario Bros. arrived first, with Team Rocket close behind them. An official awaiting them escorted them to their 2-seater pod.

"The person in front will steer, and the person behind will control acceleration. This latter position is much more important than it sounds," the official warned them. "Halfway through the course you will encounter a sign telling you to go back; when you see it, turn around and come back to the starting line. Be careful about not crashing into other teams, and be cautious. If you can't get through and back in ten minutes, you'll have to try again."

"Okey dokey! Let's a-go, Luigi!" Mario cried. Luigi got in the back, and Mario got in the front.

"Ready...GO!" the official yelled. Luigi pulled the acceleration level near his seat, and he and his brother went off.

_"That ride was a-so fun, but really fast!" Mario said later on. "Luigi and I had to a-take off our hats and sit on them the whole time, to a-keep them from flying away!"_

_"That thing went a-much faster than our karts!" Luigi said. "I a-wonder if I could a-get the engine in these pods and transfer them into the karts..."_

"YA-HOOOOOOOOOO!" Mario cried excitedly.

"OWOWOWOWOWOOWOWOWOWOWHOOOO!" Luigi cried nervously. As the brothers sped off into the desert sun, Team Rocket also approached the course and were told the same things by the official.

"Keep your pokeballs with you," Jessie told James as she got in the front and he got in the back. "We're going to need them if we want to pass the Mario Bros."

"Why is that important? We're not in last!" James reminded her.

"Yes, but have you noticed that we have yet to win a leg?" Jessie pointed out. "Almost all of these other people have won a leg, or at least gotten in the lead at some point! When was the last time _we _had the lead?" she asked. "See, you can't remember! That's because it hasn't happened yet!"

"Okay, I see your point. What do we do when we see the Brothers, though?" James asked her.

"I don't know. Let's just cross that bridge when we come to it," she replied as the headed off.

Hella Jeff finally shot Greedo and got the next clue from Han.

"Goe two Whato's shop! Wear's tat?" Hella Jeff asked Sweet Bro.

"Well jus HAVE to FINDIT ourshelves!" Sweet Bro replied, shrugging. Brain woke up just as they were leaving.

"Brain, hurry! We're in last!" Pinky cried. Brain quickly scrambled for the gun, managing to shoot Greedo on his first try in the ankle.

"Last place is a powerful motivation indeed," Brain said as he got the clue from Han.

"Ooooh, Brain! We have to go to a slave store!" Pinky said worriedly.

"Relax, Pinky. No one is interested in having mice as slaves," Brain reassured him.

SBaHJ: currently in SIX

Mice: currently in Last

At the pod-racing course, Jessie told James to accelerate just as they dodged an unusual rock formation.

"I can see the Mario Bros!" she told him over the noise of the vehicle.

"What do we do when we reach them! It's your call!" James said.

"I'll send out Yanmega, you send out Weezing!" Jessie said as they got closer to the Mario Bros. Luigi looked at them from behind.

"Mario, Team Rocket's on our tail! I think they're a-planning something!" Luigi cried. "I a-can't get the pod to go any faster! They might a-catch up!"

"Don't worry about it, it won't be a-too bad if they pass us!" Mario replied. Team Rocket appeared beside the Mario Bros, and after a few seconds of the two teams being neck and neck, Team Rocket passed them.

"It's a-too bad we don't have any items!" Luigi said to Mario.

"No, but two of us have pokemon!" Jessie replied, sending out Yanmega. James sent out his Weezing at the same time, and the two pokemon landed on the pod. Weezing attached itself to the pod, and Yanmega lifted off and kept up with it as it moved with his amazingly fast natural flying speed.

"Weezing, use Smog!" James cried for the second time in the race. Weezing did so, and Yanmega hovered backwards in front of the pod, keeping the Brothers surrounded in gas with his wings. As Mario and Luigi coughed and wheezed, Team Rocket passed them and returned their pokemon back into their balls from afar when they had a good lead.

"Luigi, a-get your foot of off the brake!" Mario cried as the pod suddenly sped up while Luigi was reeling from the toxin. But as Mario tried to turn around to see what was wrong with Luigi, he let go of the wheel, and their pod crashed into a rock. The impact sent up dust that displaced the gas.

"Mama mia. Are you alright, Luigi?" Mario asked.

"Yes, I'm a-fine," Luigi replied. "This a-thing doesn't have airbags, but the front seems to be some a-kinda shock absorber."

"It's a good thing we're both okay, but a-now we could fall behind a-real quick!" Mario said worriedly.

"It shouldn't be a-long before production shows up and a-gives us another a-pod," Luigi reassured him. "We may not be able to a-pass Team Rocket, but we'll at least be able to avoid last."

Team Rocket: currently in First

Mario Bros: currently in Second

Vriska and Tavros were the third team to reach the pod-racing course. As they were about to set off, they noticed two average looking humans also getting in a 2-seater pod.

"wHO DO YOU THINK, THEY ARE?" Tavros asked Vriska as he got in the back seat.

"Dunno. Doesn't matter," she said as she got in the front. "Don't crash into stuff, and go fast!" Vriska told him.

"i'LL GO, AS FAST, AS I CAN," Tavros replied as they headed off with the other pod. Eventually they came to the spot where the Mario Bros. crashed and Tavros braked. Vriska shook her head and tried not to laugh.

"What's a-so funny?" Mario asked.

"Typical Team Rocket!" Vriska laughed. But then she grew angry when Tavros wouldn't go. "Tavros, get going!"

"nOT UNTIL, I'M DONE, TALKING TO THEM," Tavros said. "aRE YOU GUYS, OKAY?"

"A-yes, we're fine," Luigi said. "If you see Team Rocket up ahead, don't trust them!"

"wE'LL KEEP, THAT IN MIND. i HOPE, YOU GUYS, DON'T LOSE, BECAUSE OF THIS. tHERE'S A REPLACEMENT POD, COMING BEHIND US. gOOD LUCK," Tavros said as he finally turned on the acceleration again.

"A-Tavros seems kinda nice," Luigi mused as the Trolls left.

"I don't think a-Vriska is like that, though," Mario warned him as a replacement pod arrived.

_"Seeing the wreck reminded me that in this race, you really don't have much time to 8e manipul8ive and make other teams lose, which sucks cause that's my strong suit," Vriska said in her confessional. "Instead, you just have to do what you can to mess other teams up, like Team Rocket's 8een doing. I heard they made all the villians mad in Derse, just with their pokemon! I wish I had minions to screw over people! All I have is Tavros! I just hope I can do something to stop Team Rocket 8efore they take the prize away. May8e I was right to h8 Jessie 8efore..."_

Trolls: currently in Second

Mario Bros: currently in Third

SBaHJ and Pinky and the Brain finally found Watto's shop only by retracing their steps and getting Dewbacks to take them there.

"It's a shame we're both in last! And both of our teams were doing so well!" Pinky lamented. Brain didn't want to talk to Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff too much, not wishing to converse with 3 idiots at once.

"SUMTYMS, that's just how LIFE IS, SON," Sweet Bro mused. "Shiitakes you UP SO HYE, and then it NOX you down wuthout even WARNING yu."

"Wee both made misnakes, THATs ALL," Hella Jeff countered. "Its just like a game of SPORTS, were yer evry movie madhatters. Don Locke so gum, dudes!"

"I agree with Hella Jeff," Brain said to the group, finally speaking up. "But let's agree not to compete against each other until we get to the Detour. Pinky and I will pick the opposite of whatever you do."

"It's a DEEL!" Sweet Bro declared, shaking Brain's paw.

"Brain?" Pinky asked him.

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry...about what I said on the plane. Isn't that why everyone's left us?" he asked somberly.

"Partially, yes. But also because we couldn't keep up with them, and foolishly decided not to take a Dewback. I forgive you for your stupidity. I am quite used to it now. My mistake was not factoring it this far in the race."

"Oh, thank you, Brain! Narf! I'm so glad you've forgiven me!" Pinky said, gripping tightly so that he could barely breathe.

"Release me, Pinky!" Brain commanded, and Pinky did so.

"Wanna know what I was thinking when I even said that?" Pinky asked him.

"Let me guess: nothing?"

"No, silly! I thought that maybe, we could all team up, all of us on the plane, and try and work together to beat Team Rocket and the Mario bros! That way, Team Rocket could maybe pay for how they acted in Derse, and maybe even lose, just like they almost did in New New York! And the Mario Bros. wouldn't win twice in a row! Then, we could secretly betray two of our remaining allies one at a time, until we reached the final three...! Poitnarfzrotroz!"

"Wow. That actually sounds...brilliant. I'd never thought I'd say this, but I have failed to recognize your genius! If we can stay in this race, I shall do my best to incorporate your stragety into my plans!" Brain said.

"Woodyo have put-put US in the finale tree?" Hella Jeff asked Pinky.

"Of course! You're the dumbest team!" Pinky declared. But instead of getting angry, SBaHJ laughed and laffed. Pinky laughed with them, and Brain stood there pondering as they reached Watto's shop. The depressed looking Watto handed them their clues, and Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff made their Detour decision as Pinky searched the shop for a blender with a soundproof case.

"Let's go dop-raking!" Sweet Bro said, and he and his teammate went off. Pinky returned with the blender and elated Watto's spirits as he returned to Brain.

"We'll be doing the meat-eating challenge," he told Pinky. "Let's hope our tiny mouse stomachs and can consume over ten times our own weight!"

SBaHJ: currently in SIX

Mice: currently in Last

Zim's and Robotnik's teams watched nervously as the massive plates of Gungan meat appeared before them. Except for Gir, of course, who loved eating food in general. In minutes, Gir had finished while the others were just beginning to gag and search frantically for their nearby vomit buckets.

"I don't know how long my pants can hold!" Robotnik cried as a button bounced off and hit Zim's fake human eye.

"OW! DO NOT HARM ME AS I ATTEMPT TO EAT THIS...MEEEEEEEAAAAAT!" Zim cried, bemoaning its sheer mass and hideousness. Grounder, meanwhile, was scooping up as much as he could up with his drill hands, trying to shove it all through his mouth as quickly as possible.

"I think my pipes are backing up!" he said to Robotnik.

"Silence! Mpmhpmhpmph!" Robotnik commanded through a mouthful of food.

"Come on, guys, eat! IT'S REEEEEEAALLL GOOOOOOOOOOOD!" Gir whooped happily. But the others ignored him, still trying to chew and swallow the hideous mass of dead roast Gungan before them.

Invaders: currently in Fourth

Robotnik: currently in Fifth

Team Rocket reached the end of the course in less than ten minutes and received their next clue.

"Go to Jabba's Palace, the next PitStop!" Jessie read happily.

_Teams must now go by any means necessary to Jabba's palace, the PitStop for this leg of the race. The last team to check in may be eliminated._

"Okay, Yanmega, take us to Jabba's Palace!" Jessie ordered when she sent the pokemon back out. Yanmega looked at her, confused.

"Jabba's Palace must not be in the city," James concluded.

"But if Yanmega doesn't know the way, then neither do we!" Jessie realized. She then looked at the Dewbacks parked by the track. One belonged to the Mario Bros., and the other to the Trolls. Team Rocket took the nearest one and went off with it.

"It's too bad for whatever team has just lost their Dewback!" James remarked.

"I don't care! I just want to win!" Jessie replied. "I don't care about other teams, not one bit!"

The Trolls were next to finish the course in less than ten minutes, and when they went back to get their Dewback, Tavros noticed something.

"wHERE, DID OUR DEWBACK, GO? tHE ONLY ONE, I SEE, BELONGS TO THE MARIO BROTHERS," He said.

"So? They're waaaaaaaay 8ehind us now! They're gonna have to do the course again 8ecause of that wreck! Let's just take their Dew8ack and go to this palace!" Vriska urged.

"nO, THAT WOULDN'T, BE RIGHT," Tavros chided. "wE SHOULD WAIT, FOR THEM, TO FINISH, AND THEN, WE CAN ALL GET TO THE PITSTOP, TOGETHER," Tavros suggested. "iT'S THE LEAST, WE CAN DO, TO HELP THEM, AFTER THEIR WRECK."

"8uh, stop 8eing so nice!" Vriska cried. She tried to jump on the Dewback and told it to go, but it wouldn't listen, thanks to Tavros.

"You're really going to keep us stuck here for this?!" Vriska said.

"iF WE GO, TO THE PITSTOP, WITH THE BROTHERS, IT WILL AT LEAST GURANTEE, THAT WE WON'T COME IN LAST, IF WE BEAT THEM, IN A FOOTRACE," Tavros reminded.

"Now that's thinking like me! Why didn't you tell me that was what you had in mind?" Vriska complimented. Tavros shrugged.

"_i DIDN'T WANT, TO SEE THE MARIO BROTHERS GO, BECAUSE SOMEBODY ELSE, RUINED THEIR RACING EXPERIENCE," Tavros said in his confessional. "wITH MY IDEA, i COULD KEEP VRISKA HAPPY BY GURANTEEING, THAT WE WOULD STAY IN THE RACE, AND HELP THE MARIO BROTHERS, AT THE SAME TIME. bUT, I DIDN'T REALLY WANT IT, TO COME DOWN, TO JUST US, AS THE LAST TWO TEAMS...}:(_

Mario and Luigi were disappointed when they heard that they had to repeat the course, just as Vriska had predicted. But they started again, this time with no distractions.

"We should a-get it right this time," Luigi said.

"Hey, why is there only one Dewback?" Mario asked him as they went off. The question remained unanswered until they finished.

Back at the resteueraunt, Zim finally finished his meat, and Gir dragged him out with the clue.

"WEE'S GOIN' TO THE PITSTOP! YAAAAAY!" Gir cried to a sickly Zim.

"Excellent, Gir...I'm too queasy to activate the Pak," Zim said wearily. "Let's just...hey...! Hey...! Taxi!" Zim said, waving a to a person on a Ronto. Zim and Gir climbed on and the man took them to Jabba's Palace at the Irken's request. But the ride was so bumpy that Zim vomitted three times on the way.

Team Rocket arrived at Jabba's Palace first, and were the first to see the hideous slug sprawled out on his platform.

"Welcome to Tatooine," Jabba boomed with his deep Huttese accent.

"You are team number 1!" Bill said. "Except I think that was kinda mean how you-"

"Just shut up and check us in!" Jessie cried, inflating her head.

"Yes, ma'am," Bill said submissively.

Team Rocket: First, arriving at 6:09 PM

"Finally, we've won a leg!" Jessie said happily, hugging James. "And we did it the Team Rocket way!"

"Dishonorably?"

"You bet! Ahahahahaha!"

Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff came onto the track as Mario and Luigi began turned around to go back to the starting line.

"sEE, VRISKA, WE WON'T, BE IN LAST," Tavros reassured her upon seeing SBaHJ.

"Yeah. I guess your crazy nice plan worked!" Vriska said. Minutes later, the Mario Brothers finished the course and approached them.

"wE SAVED, THIS DEWBACK, FOR US BOTH," Tavros said. "i THINK THAT, TEAM ROCKET, TOOK YOURS."

"I was expecting something like a-that," Mario said. The two teams got on and headed to the PitStop with Tavros' guidance.

Trolls: currently in Third

Mario Bros: currently in Fourth

Pinky and the Brain arrived at the resteuraunt as Grounder finished his food.

"Oh, good part of the alliance is back together!" Brain said, hoping that Robotnik would forgive Pinky's slip up.

"Nonsense! There is no more alliance between us!" Robotnik said through a mouthful of Gungan. "We'll have to disband so that we won't be put under suspicion by the other teams!"

"No, you don't understand, Pinky's idea was to-" Brain began, but Robotnik was too busy eating and vomitting to listen.

"You'll never finish the meat!" Grounder boasted as Robotnik finally finished his plate, and the same portion was given to Pinky and the Brain.

"Not if we try our best and steel our stomachs!" Pinky declared, digging into the Gungan pile before him. Robotnik got his next clue and went out with Grounder.

"Oh, goody, the PitStop!" Robotnik said woozily, climbing onto his Dewback.

Robotnik: currently in Fifth

"You are team number 2!" Bill cried to Zim and Gir.

"What is this? Second? For Zim? Really and truly?" Zim said with surprise.

"Yep!" Bill replied. Zim laughed maliciously.

"YES! YEEEEEESSSS! I NEED NO ALLIANCES! ZIM IS INVINCIBLE, EVEN ALOOOOOOOONE! Oh, and with Gir," Zim said as Gir smiled sweetly at him.

Invaders: Second, arriving at 6:24 PM

Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff were driving out in the desert with the pod when they noticed the sign, telling them to turn around.

"U-turn! U-turn!" Hella Jeff cried to Sweet Bro, who had control of the steering mechanisms in the front seat. Sweet Bro turned as widely as possible, crashing into the sign as he turned the pod back around. They had only 5 and a half minutes left...

"Vriska and Tavros, Mario and Luigi, you are teams number 3 and 4!" Bill cried. Everyone felt relieved, and the brothers thanked Tavros as they received their middle place trophy.

Trolls and Mario Bros: Third and Fourth, arriving at 6:33 PM

Pinky ate as quickly as he could with his meat, but Brain was a bit more squeamish and ate only as much as he could handle safely, chewing and swallowing slowly in disgust.

"Pinky...how can you eat this horrible food?" Brain said.

"It's just like what I had before becoming a lab mouse!" Pinky declared. "It actually tastes pretty good to me! But I don't think they'll let me eat yours!"

"I know. I'm trying to eat it myself, but it's just...too difficult," Brain replied. Pinky looked at him with sympathy.

"It's okay, Brain. I know how much this race means to you. I'm sorry if I've let you down," Pinky said sadly as he wolfed down the last of his meat.

"No, Pinky, I'm letting you down," Brain said as he vomitted out more meat into his bucket. "If I had just considered you as much a team member as I am, maybe we wouldn't be in last right now."

"It's not over yet! Keep eating, Brain!" Pinky cheered as Brain stuffed himself silly with ounce after ounce of meat.

"You are team number 5!" Bill said to Robotnik and Grounder.

"Still in the rrrace! How delightful," Robotnik said disturbingly.

"Gee, isn't that Jabba guy fat, Dr. Robotnik?" Grounder whispered as they left the Palace and went back to Mos Eisley to check into a hotel.

"Indeed. It was disgusting, watching him lounge arrrround his opolent abode, his grrreat girth spilling every which way, with no rrregards for other people who it might offend!" Robotnik said as he took off his shirt and lay on his back in front of Grounder.

Robotnik: Fifth, arriving at 6:40 PM

"Mac your way to the next pisstop!" Hella Jeff cried excitedly.

"HURRY, WE HAVE TO HARRY!" Sweet Bro cried.

"Okay, Pinky, I'm done!" Brain cried.

"Goody! Now we get to go to the Pitstop!" Pinky said. The Mice got on a Ronto taxi, just as SBaHJ had done, and headed off, hoping to not be in last. But as they were minutes from the palace, Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff landed on the mat.

"Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff..." Bill began. "You...are not in middle place," he said to them. They hung their heads in sorrow.

"But the good news is you are team number 6!" Bill said.

SBaHJ: SIX, arriving at 6:46 PM

"OOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHH!" Sweet Bro cried, just as Mordecai and Rigby would have done, only more drawn out and fluctuating.

"But weenow hoos in lst," Hella Jeff said sadly as they left the palace.

Pinky and the Brain finally arrived on the mat. In his usual deep Huttese voice, Jabba greeted the mice.

"Thank you," Brain said politely in reply.

"Pinky and the Brain, you are the last team to arrive," Bill told them. "And no, Pinky, this is not a non-elimination leg. You have been eliminated from the race."

"Narf...wasn't that fun, Brain? We got to go to all sorts of places, and do all sorts of things, and meet all sorts of friends!" Pinky said, hugging Brain.

"Yes, Pinky, and I've learned to value you as an associate," Brain replied, shoving him off. "But now we must go home and prepare for tomorrow night."

"But what are we doing tomorrow night, Brain?" Pinky asked, as if he somehow he could never tell what Brain intended to say.

"The same thing we do every night, Pinky; TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!" Brain yelled, his voice echoing in the palace.

"Don't you want to say something about how you've shown the world that even a tiny mouse can compete in this race?" Bill asked them as they left.

"No, why would we do that?" Pinky questioned. Bill frowned at the producers just offscreen.

"Sorry, I tried my best!"

Team Rocket

Invaders

Trolls

Mario Bros.

Robotnik

SBaHJ

Mice


End file.
